Not exactly knowing why but feel like there is nowhere to be or go. He has so many other activities and friends that I’m not part of any more.  We travel on different levels and he always wants to be somewhere other than where I’m happy.  Even when we’re enclosed the escape is there. The phone, the radio, road rage, thoughts I can’t keep up with.  I’m becoming afraid as my mind and body isn’t keeping up and my will to, is fading.  I need to get to the Dr.  and find out why this lack of and aversion to caring, is occurring.  Sadness seems to be overpowering me and tears are always behind every blink of my eye.  As I write this I’m a blink away from crying out help me, someone help me.  But help me do what is another question.  I don’t think my reason for being is over, yet there is no fire in my soul to look for tomorrow.  I guess this is the time to tie the knot and hang on.  Hanging on for God to show me the light, the way, or the end.