I feel alone

I feel There’s no

Back up for me

Anymore…

All plans are made

And the countdown

Begins

He says won’t be coming

Til next Monday

We can change the color

Viewing to Tuesday…

This plan has been in

The works for weeks…

Packup

Move to Hilton

Stairs and Woodfloors

The 2 weeks for cabinets

Need to get everything

Else bought and ready

And he wants to delay

Sorry this isn’t alright

With me…

My time , my feelings

Me

I need to count…

Been living with this

Housing mess for

Over a year

And this split living

Condition for over

10…

Is becoming pronounced

In both

The walk, the talk

The carriage

The build, the hang

Of the outfits no longer

Speak youth

But rather age

As everything shrinks

Wrinkles and disintegrates

Til the end…

Are going in circles

The understanding

Beginning farther down

The road is unsettling

After all this time…

Is something

So different

From the unthinkable

Unforgivable…

Living through

To protect mine

And leaving

Judgement

To Our Savior…

One’s love

And loyalty

Camoflauges

The gravity

Of the line crossed

Only seeing it

Though a colored

Lens lessens

The gravity, the

Depravity

Fear and

Vows…

How this will end…

Of 3

Who leaves first

Who stays

Til the end of days…

No excitement to see

When approaching me

But the phone ringing

At 5:45 brings smiles

And a rise in the voice

Yet unhappiness glooms

Every night

Guess living alone half

The time has brought

More independence

In both of our lives

And less compromising

In our daily living…

There’s a reason…

What is my reason now…

Can’t do what I did

Finding fault with

My every word and

Movement…

Things going on in our

Life…

Too many opinions

In his mind

And I am no longer

His end all be all…

It’s almost impossible

To live like this…

I feel I’m drowning

And fighting to keep

Afloat between all the

Outside forces

Living in his mind

And our marriage…

Last night at dinnet

4 others were there

On his phone

While we were eating…

Does he not see this…

He no longer sees me as

His priority…

So why be here…

Are just about over

I find them only in sleep

The past 10 years

Have split togetherness

As my picture is not

The priority…

Too many are involved

In our day to day life..:

At this late date

Any thoughts of

Retirement dreams

Have gone by the wayside

Aging is no longer creeping

In

But pushing on with

Great speed…

The time has slowed

For any more

Of our travel ideas to

Evolve

As other responsibilites

Have prioritize

Our lives…

Sadness waters my

Eyes daily…

Paying bills would help

But it has just brought

Someone into

Our life who has

A problem with delegating

And seems to check

Up with husband on

Payments…

Not something

I appreciate…

Will send back responsibility

If he can’t relinquish…

Narrow distinction

Between an insult

And a tease…

One’s disposition

And mood

Determines

How it’s received…

Find those that tease

Are easily insulted

When the tease is

Turned on them…

Cause me great

Pain with

Memories that I

Carry…

Today was one of those!

Pain is that my friend

Was on the call

With something that

Involved me

And didn’t feel

Compelled to

Assume I took care

Of it…

Thought I meant more

Than this…

Comes easy to some

Feeling no repercussions

Should occur yet

Others have trouble

Being left behind in

A restaurant

As you talk to your

Mother when we

Have very few nights out

Life goes on

Daily…

God seems to have

Made living so easy

After losing someone

As each morning

The sunrises and then

Sets as usual

Even though you are

Gone…

Life is only important

On earth

While the dead live

On for some time

Without us…

Do they feel the loss

We feel or are they

So full of love for God

That it fills

All needs…

I wasn’t so resentful

That I’m not his first

Thought or 1st phone

Call

If she out lives me

I never will

Again…

Now…9 to 5

As retirement took my

Job

And health took my

20 oz bottle (Coca cola)of

Ambition away

Sleeping late

Doing now what I never

Did young…

Being a little on the

Lazy side

Finding little time in

My schedule for daily

Chores…

Missing Dolly.,.

Pillow covered in soft velvet

He calls the wall

Has been my safe guard

For the past 10 years…

When you are gone

Which is half our

Life now…

I roll over at night

And the warmth and

Softness makes me

Feel safe… as if someone

Is there for me…

It makes me feel less alone

Even though I know

I am…

About the mark on

My arm

That appeared

2 days ago!

My grandsons are in college

I now understand about

My mother always saying

The days are long

But the years are short

Remembering how

Anxiously I waited for

Certain days to come

Growing up

And how quick they passed

Once they arrived

Now just distant memories

As the years are fading

Remembering my own

Children growing up

And now our youngest

Grandson is 14

And I will never rock

A baby of mine again

The years are only memories

Of hundred of diaper changes

Many ball games and band

Concerts

Heartbreaks

Now they aren’t really

In my relm but a generation

Beyond me that I no

Longer have hands on

As my 70s turn into 80s

They will see and feel

Us leave and become

Just a memory of

A time gone by…

Have loved Dolly

But until her passing

I didn’t realize

What a great humanitarian,

Christian and loving person

She was…

Living her faith daily

Was so uplifting to hear

And I realize how

Easy, life altering

And refreshing her

Way of life was…

She brought joy

To many

And Hope to all…

Was buried today

Next to her dad

Looking forward

For her mom…

To follow in the future…

My brother’s youngest

Taken to soon

Will notice her grandma

Is close to her age…

God takes the best

First and young

Knowing they fulfilled

His Will early

While the rest of us

Still finding

Our way

And the road to follow…

My heart can’t hold

The love I have….

Then there’s moments

I don’t think I know you…

But in those moments

My heart still flutters

As you walk near

I realize

No one knows you

Better….

We been through it

All…together

We don’t need another

The two of us are

enough…

Continuing through life

Walking hand in hand

Aging together

Hoping to find

The promised land…

Today

Until tomorrow starts

And declutterring

And cleaning begins…

Makes me question

Wether to go down

The road traveled before

becoming a nightmare

no-one being happy

Phone interruptions

With nothing solved

And just more of the same…

No dinner or lunch as

The only inn is in town

He can ‘t leave

The return won’t happened

As planned

never a trip just for us anymore..

Your youngest

Has carried a great cross

For too many years

But today she’s with

You again and her savior…

Her strife is over

The pain is gone

And now again, she is in

Her Loving Fathers’ Arms…

Is unrealstic

With someone who

Voices all his problems

Worries, dislikes, and

Leaves a mess everywhere

He occupies for either

A minute or hour…

Talking on my part

Is an iffy situation as

He has picked up the habit

Of having the last word

And a difference of opinion

On anything I’ve said…

And operating on his own

Is non existent…

Peace

There is no calm

Whenever

The man

Is around…

at this age

Is more appropriate

Than sitting in an

Emergency room

Triage by seriousness

By a mortal…

Going to sleep

With prayer

And letting God

Take me or leave me

In place for another

Day

Seems right

He know’s whether

I’m good to go

Or needs to bake

A little more

God’s the ultimate

Chef…

In one’s mind

Can make one’s way

Seems ok…

But

The question is

Is it Just in God’s way?

These are the thoughts

That run through

My mind with ever action

Taught by my dad…

If you have to justify it

With God

Then your thinking

Is wrong!!!

Walking daily in God’s light

Makes the

World brighter

Just always make sure

It’s His light switch

As others dim and brighten

His light with their

Interpretation…

Make sure God

Is your director

And lighting Guy…

Someone who can’t conceive

They are wrong

And keeps their way

Only on their mind…

Having to deal with this

On a daily basis

Must be

Hard…

Repeating

Over and over

Doesn’t make it

So…

One thing Phil

Taught me…

“Get it in Writing”…

That’s what I say…

It’s coming up on 10 years

24 weeks a year away

Out of 52…

At 78 it’s

time never to

Get back…

And when home

Hours on the phone

Realizing the responsiblity

You feel but then the other

Weeks…

I’m home alone

As your attention

Is always there…

1825 days of ours together

Are gone

I’m wondering if there

Are 1825 days left

For us…

living within

The slaughter rule zone

Feeling the game will

Be called on one of us

Soon….

Today

Reading that Buhl Park

Swimming and Golfing

Was Whites only…

Was I oblivious or were

We kept dumb kids in our small

Town..:?

Right…

Have to wait for you

Then we get there

And you forgot phone…

So you drive home to

Get phone then take meds

And fall asleep on couch…

Told you 2 hours Max

By the time you got back

It was 2 hours…

I was waiting for an hour

Not your fault

But…

Then driving home

After meds was a bit

Scary…

Turn signal on fir 3 blocks

And in the outside

Turn lane but turninto

The inside lane which

Caused the light to come on

And your having to jerk

Car into out side lane…

An expression

A glare

Causes fear

That’s hard to make

Disappear

In the minds eye

Once it appeared…

Jeckle or Hyde..:

Tuck in the couch

And spending the night…

They’ve been here awhile

And ran off my guy

And I’m here wondering

Who I will find

Cooking eggs in the morning

Light…

A beautiful day not

Lift ones spirit…

But my spirit today

Is very dark

Teetering between black

And blue

Traveling down and

Sticking like gum to my shoe

Its not budging

Just sticking and pulling

Back again and again

Increasing a hold

That needs to break

And set me free

Growing up

And things I tried to mimic

Things I passed by

And things I remember

Oh, my sister of mine…

The binoculars you often

Wore at dinner thinking no one

Could see you, yet you would

Magnify them…

The field glasses were made

By cupping your hands

Around your eyes…

We always knew who bothered

You that day as you focused

Your gaze..,

And then dad would ask

What one of us did wrong

As this was also your funny

Way of tattling on each

One of us..

That caused this habit which

Was it your insecurities

You carried on for years

Or was it your way of righting

Wrongs by getting us to

Tell on ourselves with your

Intense scrutiny at dinner…

Your friend I remember

From those days on B street

Was Alice Crutch…

She came for you every morning

To walk to school

And every morning she

Waited as you were never ready…

I don’t remember you being

Overly fond of Rusty

In my mind you felt the only way

To keep your piano ivories pure

Ivory

Was to keep your hands clean

And would always scrub them

Bloody to keep them clean…

A OCD trait you picked up

From mom…

I was a Tom boy and my hands

Were the color of what ever

I got into that day. Thus the

Constant closed piano top, with

Books piled on top so you could

Hear me moving them and come

Running…

We shared a room from the time

I was out of a crib til you married

At 21…. It must have been a

Nightmare for you…

You being a neat freak and me

A messy kid…

Luckily we had twin beds

Til we moved and mom got us

A new bookcase head board full

Bed to share…

I loved it… but it just increased

Your nightmares…

Since your last birthday

When you were still here

At 83…

Today at 84

You are with God as

Mom and Dad instilled

In these passed 365 days…

In us our belief…

Life has taken over

My family as well as yours

Have lived without you

But you have always been

In our hearts and on our minds…

Your voice is still on my

Voicemail and I have pushed that

Button often through the year

But a little less these days

As my life has continued

And my faith has been

Easing my fear that you

Are ok and living with Jesus

Who was so much a part of

Your life ever since I can

Remember attending Sacred

Heart school…

Going with you to church

After school to fill the bottle

With holy water… I think it

Sat in the same room as the

Baptismal font…

Then watching you carefully

Carry it home with both hands

As you could no longer hold

Mine as we walked… your mind

Being on the holy bottle

You held and less on my skipping

In front of you up B street

giving me more freedom

As we were closer to home…

Then watching carefully as you

Filled the small fonts hanging

By our bedroom light switches

So we could bless ourselves

Before bed and before starting

Our day every morning…

I’m not sure when grandpa

Turned this task over to you

But he knew the job would be

Faithfully fulfilled by you with

Great awe and love…

With time the tasked was never

Passed to me and seemed to

Fade from our daily life as

Have you… but I remember

Bill our brother would order

Lourdes water and bring you

Part of his…

This memory came back

To me as I prayed for

Both of you today and one

For me to meet back up with

You soon…

Childhood memories are tucked

Deep in my heart but never

Lost…Memories like these

Keep both of you alive in my

Mind and Soul and my Faith

Marching on…

Have passed

Is it God’s way

Of clearing away…

Yet the stupid skirmishes

Occur nightly

This time over Peacock

Seems trivial

But missing important

Dates for years

Is overwhelming…

Now more in July

Days are dwindling

Into months

Skirmishes happen

Because some ground

Must be held

As so much land

Got forfeited…

So wanted

And the other

Mediocre at best

Is a horrible life

Starting a new

Dr Zoos

Not wanting to be

Here

No wanting to be

There

Not wanting to be

anywhere…

Really who cares…

And outright rudeness

Wasn’t unexpected

After driving 4+

Hours to return him home

To screaming at different

Points on the trip home

Slipping away

While she sleeps

And you watch

I’m aging

Faster with loneliness

And sadness

Missing so many dates

Of importance

Or just nights in

Bed

My days have begun

And ended

Alone

it shouldn’t

Be so…

Chest pains

Unstable stance

vision

And hearing is slipping

Being cared for isn’t

On the watch for me

As the clock only

Tick and tocks

One way…

When will this

Clock reset…

Out back

Burning

realizing

The evil that lurked

In a place deemed safe

Always look beyond

I realize safe is not

A place and we must

As one loved doesn’t

Know the evil possible…

Thinking safety,

And safety words

Should exist

Overtime

Tying the puzzle

Together has happened

Over years

Making responsibility

Unresponsible…

With small things

Remembered

Spoken at random…

Is overwhelming today

Realizing every day

Gone can ‘t be recovered

Making life not

Worth living

A harsh tongue

Doesn’t understand

A hurt heart

So many words

Carried in one’s heart

That one never heard

So can’t understand

The distance…

Each must live our journey

Sometimes together

Sometimes away..

My responsibilities

Came early yours

Now today…

Like you I loved

What I needed to do

And tried to do it

In a positive way…

I thank you for

The time I got to spend

On honoring my parents

With bringing up

Lynne…

To live God’s determination

I likewise try to stay

Clear and give you your

Time to honor your

Commitment…

Please understand

Why…

Now, that this time

Causes us to loose

Precious moments never

To return… I’m trying

But as always

I need to use my

Time left …

Mother’s Day

What does that make

It 10 years

Maybe more

I need to stop

Counting…

It will never

Be me on

Any special

Holiday…

Reconciliation is the restoration of friendly relations after a dispute!

This is hard when someone

Doesn’t respect the right

Of one to say no…

60 minutes had

Back to back interviews

Tonight

Trump and Sasse

What an enlightening…

both facing

Death yet Trump not

As imminent

their views definitely

Exposed the difference…

Sasse speaks from the

Heart with truth,

Christianity and

Importance of others

Trump from wealth,

Prominence, and

Politics not humanity

For his fellow man…

There comes a time for

Truth and if not at an

Ending of life then when…

..,…..

Biblical prominence emphasizes that true greatness comes from God through humility, service, and centering life on Christ, rather than self-seeking ambition

On 60 Minutes

Tonight

The true difference

On Truth

Was visible, evident

And truly

On display…

Is the problem

Hearing it

Make the jaws tight

And the mood dark

Where is comes from

Anyone knows

Everyone has observed

Except one

Yet for those

That don’t

Matter

Never see…

Hard to find

Tension

Is always present

In food

Phone calls

TV

Daily living

Just being awake

And present…

Fitting into everyone’s

Mold

Has to stop

Crack the mold

Find

Peace…

Treated so nicely

Barely go beyond

The bare minimun

Where his mom is

Concerned

Yet those here daily

Get the wrath of all…

Making one realize

Why do anything

At all…

Around the neighborhood

Today I wonder why

Homeowners put 3 and 4

Swings hanging on a

Tree in the front yard

That shouldn’t bear

The weight and junk up

The front yard

Not to mention

The danger of the street

And the driveway…

Not to mention taking

Away the beauty of the

House…

Back yards are for

Swings…

Keeps my RH

Busy

Daily…

If I’m watching

A old movie

He Googles

To give me the plot

Cast and everything

He can find while I’m watching

So I need to

Get away on another

TV to enjoy my

Movie…

Ice tastes better

Than any drink or

Even any food

There must be a problem…

Yet the benefit is weight loss

Who can dislike this

After all these years

The calorie count

And the refreshing taste

And the bite of ice is a great

Weight loss item…

The problem my Doctor

Has informed me

Is it’s a sign of severe

Anemia…

Taking iron supplements

Doesn’t seem to be

Helping…

Searching for a new Dr. soon

One who specializes in

The aging population

Like myself…

Hopefully before my love

Of ice freezes me cold…

Being a grown well

Educated adult

Disrespect daily by anyone

Only interested in their

Own comfort, ideas

Wants and desires

Brings out the worst in

A mate…

Living together is a give

And take

That requires a certain

Amount of sincere

Love and respect for

The others thoughts, desires

And boundries

Without this the ying

And yang…marriage is

Useless and the mental

Reasoning of it deteriorates

Into one being used and

Uncared for…

One always having to

Overlook the constant

Deliberate uncooperative

behavior

Of the other…

There comes an age

Where the disrespect

Pushes the other beyond

The point of caring

Or togetherness

Marriage could use a

Human resource department

With rules…

Just not enough

Time or patience

For the constant barage

Of questions…

Not here when need

Won’t be here as it starts

All covered

6 months of worrying

And trying to get

Act like I’m ok

So kids won’t be

Upset

But 14 years is alot

And constant calls

And everynight

Everynight

Teamwork but only

Under your terms

And timeline…

Can’t make plans

As you can’t seem

To give me a heads up

So here come taxes again

And thank Goodness

For my bank that

Make payments auto ok

To it!

As I was looking for a

New reading experience

I came across a cartoon

That I could have drawn

Should have….

And many stories

In this blog could be

An addendum to

The picture….

Retirement…or There’s a Spouse

in my house…

Or uttering words

Means he hurt himself

Broke

Damage

Dropped

Burned

Shattered

Run over

Stubbed

Or an other destructive thing

That he could possibly

Do…

Nothing new

Just a day in the life

Of this retired grooms bride…

I’m not a lover of roses

But he bought and planted

4 bushes

Tonight its going down

To freezing

And he’s busy covering

Them and hoping they

Survive…

Me? What ever…

Shoulders bend

Sun is setting

As this day ends

The moon appears

And

Night time fears

As tomorrow’s Sun

Promises to sear…

On this beautiful day

Is clouding my vision

Of happiness…

Lack of sleep presents

The mind with life long

Irritations that become

Alive again as if occurring

Yesterday…

Reliving passed deliberate

Hurts just incite the

Anger in a different

Fermented enviornment

Burying the grievance

Deeper in the craw

Feeling like a chewed cud

That should have long

Ago passed…

In my mind is today

Not working

One step at a time isn’t

Working

Today

Its like there’s a cliff

I’m heading to

And it’s ahead

Coming upon me

Fast…

Of Bill and Coo

Walking all over town

To call from the phone

Booths at $.10 a call…

With cell phones almost

Glued in every hand

The Billing and cooing

Of High School days

Has lost its romantic ring…

Remembering the call

From the prom when

I was too young to go

But he called…

And on occasion

A call would come from

the concession stand at the

Drive Inn as another caught

His eye but this one was

On his mind…

Who would have thought

That $.10 phone calls

Would carry on almost

Over 60 years…

1/2 a century plus

Is a long time

For Young Love

To stay alive and

Thrive…

Covid test delivered today

Been sick for two days…

No fever but terrible

Headache and cough

It’s unbelievable that the

Nursing home doesn’t

Protect it’s residents anymore

Concerning COVID…

My husband was with his

Mother for two weeks

And noone was checked

Or stopped from entering…

Now they let it travel

8 hours to our home without

My husband even knowing

He was carrying it to me…

At 98 what is their plan

To keep it from killing her..

All must pace themself

And be ready for all the

Peculiar changes…

Hair color

Needing to know

Every bathroom

In your surrounding area

Teeth move and

Crack and still decay

Knees crack, hurt,

And give out

And who would think

You’d

Look forward to shots

In the knees every 3 months

Age spots starting to

Group together and look

Like a tan

Ringing in ears

Cataract surgery

Yearly Medicare

Check ups…

Trouble with stairs &

Hearing words

Having little desire

To plan ahead

Losing a sister and brother

And most older relatives

Not knowing new Actors,

Musicians or even

Appreciating their Art…

Eating less

Losing weight, and hair

And the steam to move

Forward…

Constantly reading

Hometown Obits

To see who’s left

Seeing photo’s making

You think about

What is said and what

picture to show…

Having the coffin clothes

Ready to go

Hoping no-one will

Think “she didn’t age

Well…

Getting back into

3 hours of Soaps

Getting rid of the extra

Baggage cluttering

Up our home…

Listening to our kids take

On the world

And their upbringing

Who felt loved more

Who felt slighted

What we did that they

Can’t forgive…

Seeing yourself in

Each of your babies

And being so proud

Of who they have become

And even prouder

Of the grandboys they

Produced and the partners

They have brought into

The family

The career paths they

Travel

The family ties they

Continue to hold

And how each coming

From us are so different…

There is nothing more

Important to this

Aging parent than

The kids granted

To us though our love and faith

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Seeing the number

Of calls made a day

Of which I am not

The majority

Make me realize

I’m one of many

And this is not where

I want to be or need

To be

I’m not a repeater

Nor need other opinions

Or harrahs

So why answer…

I find I get buzzed off

When someone more

Important calls…

I find I’m a call out

Of obligation

So again why answer

Being left

Makes one’s eyes

Open to the importance

Of me and the need

Of every one else…

I’m a numbers girl

And all those minutes

Spent with others

Speak volumes to me

And the number of my

Rings and no answer

Speak even louder

So why have it ring

When your ring

Isn’t enough…

Xfinity keeps the

Statistics that have

Opened my eyes

In these retirement

Years…

…..

I like words in writing

Text if You need me

My ring has been

Unanswered too many

Times…

For my Susan

How could I ever make

It through my days

Without her

She helps me when

I’m overwhelmed

She brings me down

To earth when I’m

Angry and wild

She make me realize

That her dad has

The same issues as me

And is dealing with

A hard weight

And does his best daily…

Through her eyes

I see life differently

As she is an angel

Of God who walks

In Jesus’s footsteps..

Our oldest is

Our gatekeeper

Our marriage bond

And the air we breathe

Day in and day out…

Sue Bee is

God’s Bee that keeps

Our world buzzing

With love, food, family

And all God expects…

On hold

When a mother

Is in need

At the end

Wondering

Whose end will

End first

I worry about

His running not

Paying attention

As his mind scrambles

To what he thinks he

Needs to do constantly

When all he needs to do

Is be there

Hold hands

Yet food is his

Love language

Hoping to bring

Her around with the

Tastes he grew up

With…

Watch over him

God as he’s

Not being careful

But running

Like a squirrel

To fulfill what he

Sees as a need every

Moment…

Our ideas don’t

Mesh… our lives

Are dwindling

And I find

His heart will

Not give up but

His body will

As he keeps up this

Constant pace…

I pray God

Gives her the

Peace to let go

Before this pace

Takes a toll…

Yet

Get put on hold

Rather than see

Any problem with

not answering

Or getting cut off

If another calls

Come in…

Can’t live

With this level

Of Care!!

One more day

Spending time

With only me

Doing my wants

And needs…

No guilt of not

Cleaning or doing

When I’m not wanting too…

Carefree, guiltless

Just happy for the time

Of nothing…

Feeling well, wonder

If some of the meds

Are causing my issues…

I’m reading that antacids

Could be deleting

My iron causing my tiredness

And Anemia…

Anticipating getting back

To the dental school,

And finding a Geriatric

Doctor that addresses all my

Problems and health needs…

The Lord is my Shepard

He leads my way…

Seeing Sue

Pudge being with

His mom

Able to enjoy the Sun

Trying to do one

Thing at a time to

Straighten and lighten

Mess and worries

As our home rebuild

Will begin soon…

Joy in seeing the excesses

That we keep and hoard

In our home that others

Can enjoy and use…

And feeling the need

To release what we no

Longer need…

Praise God for opening

My eyes to the things

That keep me tied

To more than God…

Is a way to leave a legacy…

Just noticed my 1st post

Was 9 years ago…

Re-reading entries

Have brought back

The times we have lived

Through…

Hopefully re-visiting

Will help me put a happier

Spin on my thoughts

In the future…

My life is in God’s

Hands

And by His Will…

I pray the days ahead

Are bright, happy

Being grateful for this time

The Lord has given

Us that many of our

Friends and neighbors and family

Haven’t had…

Rich, Ed, Dave, my Billy

And Maury Ann…

In life we seldom get

The chance to look back but

My RG Diary is giving

This chance to re-group

Praise the Lord

And live more in

His Joy….

I ask

Have you tried to

Start the caddy

He said Me

Why Me

Then he asked

Are you going to help

Me pack!!!!

Me… I retired from

That Job when you

Retired…

Never want that job

Again

No one can pay me to do

So doing out of

Love is out of the question

RUSTY

And I’m no longer

Juliet

Just Plain

Jane…

Hot Chocolate today

The nice foaming kind

With whipped cream

On top..,

McD’s was go to

But it seems it’s

Not on their menu

Anymore????

Well I knew Starbucks

Wouldn’t fail me

And sure enough

It didn’t…

It was hot really chocolateee

And a mound of whipped cream

Cream

And the sweetee

Making it was so happy

And talkative

What more could one ask

For in this cold

Afternoon…

Quick to reply

Throwing mine

Under

When his created the

Sunder

That draws me in

Through morning screams

Not by dream but

By revelations

Of a situation occuring

Needing to be put

Right with answers

Not had…

Yet certainty’s witnessed…

Doesn’t follow my days

Wakes too early

Looking to satisfy

Hungry ways

Following other loves

Making one realize

Those more important

Rule his days…

Once told by a Cracker

A high up

At the mill

Just pray

You can fit in…

Is the name

When the knight

In shining amour

Isn’t what

He used to be…

Too much

Is a great saying

From Hamlet

Find it useful

Today..:

Is probably the best

Place to stay

Involvement means

Hurt, disappointment

Misunderstanding

Different opinion

And not feeling good

When someone sees

Things differently

Taking sides and

Pointing fingers become

Words when someone

Has a chip to bare…

Family shares more

Than love and it appears

During times of misunderstandings

When temper’s flare

And no one can see

Beyond the fire

Don’t ask

Don’t do

Don’t hurt

Anymore…..

My mom just knows things. Like how to change pictures like this. I’ve watched my momma dumma fix things, paint things, plaster things, electrically, plumbing, cooking, pull a pork chop out of the choking family dog’s throat, she’s been in the delivery room with Ryan for all 3 babies. I helped her study flash cards when she went back to school when I was in the 3rd grade. She took us to work, we worked for her at the Bridal mansion. There isn’t one thing she can’t do. So this is my mom’s day today. She is truly the wind beneath my wings She has always put her children first. She has always found the answers to my questions. She sees the positives even in my darkest days. I get so excited to see her smiling face pop up on FaceTime. And she says there’s my cutie. Followed by, Lori you always are beautiful. I’m a reflection of my mom. I learned by watching my mom!
What she doesn’t know is she is the beautiful one!!
I look up to her. I love her so much! Happy Birthday Mom!

What makes non stop

Football games on Sunday

Ok

Yet my 4 soap operas

During the week

Make me not normal

According to my RG…

And there’s always a game

Or two every night

With teams I didn’t

Even know he cared about…

Then there are his nightly

Calls with his mother…

a moment of sudden revelation or insight

On Epiphany Sunday

Never expected to hear

The exact same words

Said so many

Years ago

But there they were

Said

Out of a mouth

From whence they should

Never

Have come

Is upon us

Never expected

To see the day

My other half

Experiences it first

With me following

Two weeks later…

Never noticed the

Other years passing

But the bone on bone

Creaks when walking

Hair color changes

Hearing bordering deafness

Cataract removal

Children over 50

Grandchildren

Graduating college

A few falls here

And there…

An old

Year ending and

A new year beginning

one wonders

What life altering

Surprises

Will appear with

Every sunrise…

Praising God

That we get to see

Another….

Seems to be an impass

Between this couple

I’ll bag you wrap

And I’ll get finished

Before you …

Are really trying

Seeing her struggle

With each chore

Yet she continues

Til its finished…

Taking so many

Pills to keep her

Moving

Yet she smiles

And laughs through

It all…

Me crying knowing

I’m aging 24 years faster

Probably

Gone when she needs

Me most

Thank you Rye

My heart and soul

Loves you

Keep my baby

Safe and happy

With those three

Boys always

In tow…

Does one come back

From such a selfish

And self-serving act

Over spending on a

Rent a car

Putting someone

In jeopardy

And not just anyone…

Yet spend so much

$$ and time on

Another…

My heart is pierced

And my

Anger is beyond

The line….

In an urn

Beside her love

Wish God would

Mix them from

Above

It seems like the

Waiting still

Carries on

Only God

Can reunite them

Now

To the beautiful

Castles He’s built

For each

As their eternal

Rest

For faithfulness

Is aching in every beat

The heart is breaking

With each repeat

Sounds of love

Seldom slip

When days of mama

Flow off the lips

Its painful to watch

The ending days

Everyones been there

They never see

Only their ache

Do they perceive

This ache runs deep

And extremely long

As the body

Deteriorates underground

What an odd routine

For one so dear

Underground and far away

Never to be seen

Never heard

But the pain in the heart

Goes on and on…

A major delemna

Instead of enjoying

The longer stay

All are made miserable

By the end of the day

What was seen

What was felt

So many years ago

That made one think

It could be real

One said it’s a funny

Klan

Pray she’ll fit in

Is the best plan

second fiddle

Was never my chair

I’m beginning to see

You no longer hear…

I have to stop playing

It’s been over 10 years

I don’t want the spot light

But part-time anything

Just Isn’t my gig

You aren’t pulling me

Forward as I fade to the back

You’ve made your choice

Not by voice but by act

Of leaving my side…

I’ve been trying so hard

To make you see

But I’m finally realizing

It’s her

And not me..,

Coming to an end

I feel it creaking in my

Bones

Spasms in my neck

And jaw

With me daily now…

Wondering where

It will end.,.

Wondering if my

Heart and especially

My soul are ready for

The next life

Or if the fear and

Anger of this one

Will let me move on…

Most my age don’t

Have the saddness

Of a poor soul hanging

On to cause me strife

As promised…

That sister and brother

Of mine

Always only a call or a

Scream away since

The beginning of my time…

We’ve been apart for

Many years as we each

Began our own families

And life…

Yet their voice and

Name on my caller ID

Always brought B street

And home back to me…

Now that childhood

Memory is mine alone…

My younger sister was

Born 6 years after we

Moved…

Our separation of

Living our lives has

Cushioned the loss

But not hearing their

Voice or seeing their

Name on my caller ID

is 💔 heartbreaking…