An expression

A glare

Causes fear

That’s hard to make

Disappear

In the minds eye

Once it appeared…

Jeckle or Hyde..:

Tuck in the couch

And spending the night…

They’ve been here awhile

And ran off my guy

And I’m here wondering

Who I will find

Cooking eggs in the morning

Light…

A beautiful day not

Lift ones spirit…

But my spirit today

Is very dark

Teetering between black

And blue

Traveling down and

Sticking like gum to my shoe

Its not budging

Just sticking and pulling

Back again and again

Increasing a hold

That needs to break

And set me free

Growing up

And things I tried to mimic

Things I passed by

And things I remember

Oh, my sister of mine…

The binoculars you often

Wore at dinner thinking no one

Could see you, yet you could

Magnify them…

The field glasses were made

By cupping your hands

Around your eyes…

We always knew who bothered

You that day as you focused

Your gaze..,

And then dad would ask

What one of us did wrong

As this was also your funny

Way of tattling on each

One of us..

Was it your insecurities

That caused this habit which

You carried on for years

Or was it your way of righting

Wrongs by getting us to

Tell on ourselves with your

Intense scrutiny at dinner…

Your friend I remember

From those days on B street

Was Alice Crutch…

She came for you every morning

To walk to school

And every morning she

Waited as you were never ready…

I don’t remember you being

Overly fond of Rusty

In my mind you felt the only way

To keep your piano ivories pure

Ivory

Was to keep your hands clean

And would always scrub them

Bloody to keep them clean…

A OCD trait you picked up

From mom…

I was a Tom boy and my hands

Were the color of what ever

I got into that day. Thus the

Constant closed piano top, with

Books piled on top so you could

Hear me moving them and come

Running…

We shared a room from the time

I was out of a crib til you married

At 21…. It must have been a

Nightmare for you…

You being a neat freak and me

A messy kid…

Luckily we had twin beds

Til we moved and mom got us

A new bookcase head board full

Bed to share…

I loved it… but it just increased

Your nightmares…

Since your last birthday

When you were still here

At 83…

Today at 84

You are with God as

Mom and Dad instilled

In these passed 365 days…

In us our belief…

Life has taken over

My family as well as yours

Have lived without you

But you have always been

In our hearts and on our minds…

Your voice is still on my

Voicemail and I have pushed that

Button often through the year

But a little less these days

As my life has continued

And my faith has been

Easing my fear that you

Are ok and living with Jesus

Who was so much a part of

Your life ever since I can

Remember attending Sacred

Heart school…

Going with you to church

After school to fill the bottle

With holy water… I think it

Sat in the same room as the

Baptismal font…

Then watching you carefully

Carry it home with both hands

As you could no longer hold

Mine as we walked… your mind

Being on the holy bottle

You held and less on my skipping

In front of you up B street

giving me more freedom

As we were closer to home…

Then watching carefully as you

Filled the small fonts hanging

By our bedroom light switches

So we could bless ourselves

Before bed and before starting

Our day every morning…

I’m not sure when grandpa

Turned this task over to you

But he knew the job would be

Faithfully fulfilled by you with

Great awe and love…

With time the tasked was never

Passed to me and seemed to

Fade from our daily life as

Have you… but I remember

Bill our brother would order

Lourdes water and bring you

Part of his…

This memory came back

To me as I prayed for

Both of you today and one

For me to meet back up with

You soon…

Childhood memories are tucked

Deep in my heart but never

Lost…Memories like these

Keep both of you alive in my

Mind and Soul and my Faith

Marching on…

Have passed

Is it God’s way

Of clearing away…

Yet the stupid skirmishes

Occur nightly

This time over Peacock

Seems trivial

But missing important

Dates for years

Is overwhelming…

Now more in July

Days are dwindling

Into months

Skirmishes happen

Because some ground

Must be held

As so much land

Get forfeited…

So wanted

And the other

Mediocre at best

Is a horrible life

Starting a new

Dr Zoos

Not wanting to be

Here

No wanting to be

There

Not wanting to be

anywhere…

Really who cares…

And outright rudeness

Wasn’t unexpected

After driving 4+

Hours to return him home

To screaming at different

Points on the trip home

Slipping away

While she sleeps

And you watch

I’m aging

Faster with loneliness

And sadness

Missing so many dates

Of importance

Or just nights in

Bed

My days have begun

And ended

Alone

it shouldn’t

Be so…

Chest pains

Unstable stance

vision

And hearing is slipping

Being cared for isn’t

On the watch for me

As the clock only

Tick and tocks

One way…

When will this

Clock reset…

Out back

Burning

realizing

The evil that lurked

In a place deemed safe

Always look beyond

I realize safe is not

A place and we must

As one loved doesn’t

Know the evil possible…

Thinking safety,

And safety words

Should exist

Overtime

Tying the puzzle

Together has happened

Over years

Making responsibility

Unresponsible…

With small things

Remembered

Spoken at random…

Is overwhelming today

Realizing every day

Gone can ‘t be recovered

Making life not

Worth living

A harsh tongue

Doesn’t understand

A hurt heart

So many words

Carried in one’s heart

That one never heard

So can’t understand

The distance…

Each must live our journey

Sometimes together

Sometimes away..

My responsibilities

Came early yours

Now today…

Like you I loved

What I needed to do

And tried to do it

In a positive way…

I thank you for

The time I got to spend

On honoring my parents

With bringing up

Lynne…

To live God’s determination

I likewise try to stay

Clear and give you your

Time to honor your

Commitment…

Please understand

Why…

Now, that this time

Causes us to loose

Precious moments never

To return… I’m trying

But as always

I need to use my

Time left …

Mother’s Day

What does that make

It 10 years

Maybe more

I need to stop

Counting…

It will never

Be me on

Any special

Holiday…

Reconciliation is the restoration of friendly relations after a dispute!

This is hard when someone

Doesn’t respect the right

Of one to say no…

60 minutes had

Back to back interviews

Tonight

Trump and Sasse

What an enlightening…

both facing

Death yet Trump not

As imminent

their views definitely

Exposed the difference…

Sasse speaks from the

Heart with truth,

Christianity and

Importance of others

Trump from wealth,

Prominence, and

Politics not humanity

For his fellow man…

There comes a time for

Truth and if not at an

Ending of life then when…

..,…..

Biblical prominence emphasizes that true greatness comes from God through humility, service, and centering life on Christ, rather than self-seeking ambition

On 60 Minutes

Tonight

The true difference

On Truth

Was visible, evident

And truly

On display…

Is the problem

Hearing it

Make the jaws tight

And the mood dark

Where is comes from

Anyone knows

Everyone has observed

Except one

Yet for those

That don’t

Matter

Never see…

Hard to find

Tension

Is always present

In food

Phone calls

TV

Daily living

Just being awake

And present…

Fitting into everyone’s

Mold

Has to stop

Crack the mold

Find

Peace…

Treated so nicely

Barely go beyond

The bare minimun

Where his mom is

Concerned

Yet those here daily

Get the wrath of all…

Making one realize

Why do anything

At all…

Around the neighborhood

Today I wonder why

Homeowners put 3 and 4

Swings hanging on a

Tree in the front yard

That shouldn’t bear

The weight and junk up

The front yard

Not to mention

The danger of the street

And the driveway…

Not to mention taking

Away the beauty of the

House…

Back yards are for

Swings…

Keeps my RH

Busy

Daily…

If I’m watching

A old movie

He Googles

To give me the plot

Cast and everything

He can find while I’m watching

So I need to

Get away on another

TV to enjoy my

Movie…

Ice tastes better

Than any drink or

Even any food

There must be a problem…

Yet the benefit is weight loss

Who can dislike this

After all these years

The calorie count

And the refreshing taste

And the bite of ice is a great

Weight loss item…

The problem my Doctor

Has informed me

Is it’s a sign of severe

Anemia…

Taking iron supplements

Doesn’t seem to be

Helping…

Searching for a new Dr. soon

One who specializes in

The aging population

Like myself…

Hopefully before my love

Of ice freezes me cold…

Being a grown well

Educated adult

Disrespect daily by anyone

Only interested in their

Own comfort, ideas

Wants and desires

Brings out the worst in

A mate…

Living together is a give

And take

That requires a certain

Amount of sincere

Love and respect for

The others thoughts, desires

And boundries

Without this the ying

And yang…marriage is

Useless and the mental

Reasoning of it deteriorates

Into one being used and

Uncared for…

One always having to

Overlook the constant

Deliberate uncooperative

behavior

Of the other…

There comes an age

Where the disrespect

Pushes the other beyond

The point of caring

Or togetherness

Marriage could use a

Human resource department

With rules…

Just not enough

Time or patience

For the constant barage

Of questions…

Not here when need

Won’t be here as it starts

All covered

6 months of worrying

And trying to get

Act like I’m ok

So kids won’t be

Upset

But 14 years is alot

And constant calls

And everynight

Everynight

Teamwork but only

Under your terms

And timeline…

Can’t make plans

As you can’t seem

To give me a heads up

So here come taxes again

And thank Goodness

For my bank that

Make payments auto ok

To it!

As I was looking for a

New reading experience

I came across a cartoon

That I could have drawn

Should have….

And many stories

In this blog could be

An addendum to

The picture….

Retirement…or There’s a Spouse

in my house…

Or uttering words

Means he hurt himself

Broke

Damage

Dropped

Burned

Shattered

Run over

Stubbed

Or an other destructive thing

That he could possibly

Do…

Nothing new

Just a day in the life

Of this retired grooms bride…

I’m not a lover of roses

But he bought and planted

4 bushes

Tonight its going down

To freezing

And he’s busy covering

Them and hoping they

Survive…

Me? What ever…

Shoulders bend

Sun is setting

As this day ends

The moon appears

Bringing with it

Night time fears

On this beautiful day

Is clouding my vision

Of happiness…

Lack of sleep presents

The mind with life long

Irritations that become

Alive again as if occurring

Yesterday…

Reliving passed deliberate

Hurts just incite the

Anger in a different

Fermented enviornment

Burying the grievance

Deeper in the craw

Feel like a chewed cud

That should have long

Ago passed…

In my mind is today

Not working

One step at a time isn’t

Working

Today

Its like there’s a cliff

I’m heading to

And it’s ahead

Coming upon me

Fast…

Of Bill and Coo

Walking all over town

To call from the phone

Booths at $.10 a call…

With cell phones almost

Glued in every hand

The Billing and cooing

Of High School days

Has lost its romantic ring…

Remembering the call

From the prom when

I was too young to go

But he called…

And on occasion

A call would come from

the concession stand at the

Drive Inn as another caught

His eye but this one was

On his mind…

Who would have thought

That $.10 phone calls

Would carry on almost

Over 60 years…

1/2 a century plus

Is a long time

For Young Love

To stay alive and

Thrive…

Covid test delivered today

Been sick for two days…

No fever but terrible

Headache and cough

It’s unbelievable that the

Nursing home doesn’t

Protect it’s residents anymore

Concerning COVID…

My husband was with his

Mother for two weeks

And noone was checked

Or stopped from entering…

Now they let it travel

8 hours to our home without

My husband even knowing

He was carrying it to me…

At 98 what is their plan

To keep it from killing her..

All must pace themself

And be ready for all the

Peculiar changes…

Hair color

Needing to know

Every bathroom

In your surrounding area

Teeth move and

Crack and still decay

Knees crack, hurt,

And give out

And who would think

You’d

Look forward to shots

In the knees every 3 months

Age spots starting to

Group together and look

Like a tan

Ringing in ears

Cataract surgery

Yearly Medicare

Check ups…

Trouble with stairs &

Hearing words

Having little desire

To plan ahead

Losing a sister and brother

And most older relatives

Not knowing new Actors,

Musicians or even

Appreciating their Art…

Eating less

Losing weight, and hair

And the steam to move

Forward…

Constantly reading

Hometown Obits

To see who’s left

Seeing photo’s making

You think about

What is said and what

picture to show…

Having the coffin clothes

Ready to go

Hoping no-one will

Think “she didn’t age

Well…

Getting back into

3 hours of Soaps

Getting rid of the extra

Baggage cluttering

Up our home…

Listening to our kids take

On the world

And their upbringing

Who felt loved more

Who felt slighted

What we did that they

Can’t forgive…

Seeing yourself in

Each of your babies

And being so proud

Of who they have become

And even prouder

Of the grandboys they

Produced and the partners

They have brought into

The family

The career paths they

Travel

The family ties they

Continue to hold

And how each coming

From us are so different…

There is nothing more

Important to this

Aging parent than

The kids granted

To us though our love and faith

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Seeing the number

Of calls made a day

Of which I am not

The majority

Make me realize

I’m one of many

And this is not where

I want to be or need

To be

I’m not a repeater

Nor need other opinions

Or harrahs

So why answer…

I find I get buzzed off

When someone more

Important calls…

I find I’m a call out

Of obligation

So again why answer

Being left

Makes one’s eyes

Open to the importance

Of me and the need

Of every one else…

I’m a numbers girl

And all those minutes

Spent with others

Speak volumes to me

And the number of my

Rings and no answer

Speak even louder

So why have it ring

When your ring

Isn’t enough…

Xfinity keeps the

Statistics that have

Opened my eyes

In these retirement

Years…

…..

I like words in writing

Text if You need me

My ring has been

Unanswered too many

Times…

For my Susan

How could I ever make

It through my days

Without her

She helps me when

I’m overwhelmed

She brings me down

To earth when I’m

Angry and wild

She make me realize

That her dad has

The same issues as me

And is dealing with

A hard weight

And does his best daily…

Through her eyes

I see life differently

As she is an angel

Of God who walks

In Jesus’s footsteps..

Our oldest is

Our gatekeeper

Our marriage bond

And the air we breathe

Day in and day out…

Sue Bee is

God’s Bee that keeps

Our world buzzing

With love, food, family

And all God expects…

On hold

When a mother

Is in need

At the end

Wondering

Whose end will

End first

I worry about

His running not

Paying attention

As his mind scrambles

To what he thinks he

Needs to do constantly

When all he needs to do

Is be there

Hold hands

Yet food is his

Love language

Hoping to bring

Her around with the

Tastes he grew up

With…

Watch over him

God as he’s

Not being careful

But running

Like a squirrel

To fulfill what he

Sees as a need every

Moment…

Our ideas don’t

Mesh… our lives

Are dwindling

And I find

His heart will

Not give up but

His body will

As he keeps up this

Constant pace…

I pray God

Gives her the

Peace to let go

Before this pace

Takes a toll…

Yet

Get put on hold

Rather than see

Any problem with

not answering

Or getting cut off

If another calls

Come in…

Can’t live

With this level

Of Care!!

One more day

Spending time

With only me

Doing my wants

And needs…

No guilt of not

Cleaning or doing

When I’m not wanting too…

Carefree, guiltless

Just happy for the time

Of nothing…

Feeling well, wonder

If some of the meds

Are causing my issues…

I’m reading that antacids

Could be deleting

My iron causing my tiredness

And Anemia…

Anticipating getting back

To the dental school,

And finding a Geriatric

Doctor that addresses all my

Problems and health needs…

The Lord is my Shepard

He leads my way…

Seeing Sue

Pudge being with

His mom

Able to enjoy the Sun

Trying to do one

Thing at a time to

Straighten and lighten

Mess and worries

As our home rebuild

Will begin soon…

Joy in seeing the excesses

That we keep and hoard

In our home that others

Can enjoy and use…

And feeling the need

To release what we no

Longer need…

Praise God for opening

My eyes to the things

That keep me tied

To more than God…

Is a way to leave a legacy…

Just noticed my 1st post

Was 9 years ago…

Re-reading entries

Have brought back

The times we have lived

Through…

Hopefully re-visiting

Will help me put a happier

Spin on my thoughts

In the future…

My life is in God’s

Hands

And by His Will…

I pray the days ahead

Are bright, happy

Being grateful for this time

The Lord has given

Us that many of our

Friends and neighbors and family

Haven’t had…

Rich, Ed, Dave, my Billy

And Maury Ann…

In life we seldom get

The chance to look back but

My RG Diary is giving

This chance to re-group

Praise the Lord

And live more in

His Joy….

I ask

Have you tried to

Start the caddy

He said Me

Why Me

Then he asked

Are you going to help

Me pack!!!!

Me… I retired from

That Job when you

Retired…

Never want that job

Again

No one can pay me to do

So doing out of

Love is out of the question

RUSTY

And I’m no longer

Juliet

Just Plain

Jane…

Hot Chocolate today

The nice foaming kind

With whipped cream

On top..,

McD’s was go to

But it seems it’s

Not on their menu

Anymore????

Well I knew Starbucks

Wouldn’t fail me

And sure enough

It didn’t…

It was hot really chocolateee

And a mound of whipped cream

Cream

And the sweetee

Making it was so happy

And talkative

What more could one ask

For in this cold

Afternoon…

Quick to reply

Throwing mine

Under

When his created the

Sunder

That draws me in

Through morning screams

Not by dream but

By revelations

Of a situation occuring

Needing to be put

Right with answers

Not had…

Yet certainty’s witnessed…

Doesn’t follow my days

Wakes too early

Looking to satisfy

Hungry ways

Following other loves

Making one realize

Those more important

Rule his days…

Once told by a Cracker

A high up

At the mill

Just pray

You can fit in…

Is the name

When the knight

In shining amour

Isn’t what

He used to be…

Too much

Is a great saying

From Hamlet

Find it useful

Today..:

Is probably the best

Place to stay

Involvement means

Hurt, disappointment

Misunderstanding

Different opinion

And not feeling good

When someone sees

Things differently

Taking sides and

Pointing fingers become

Words when someone

Has a chip to bare…

Family shares more

Than love and it appears

During times of misunderstandings

When temper’s flare

And no one can see

Beyond the fire

Don’t ask

Don’t do

Don’t hurt

Anymore…..

My mom just knows things. Like how to change pictures like this. I’ve watched my momma dumma fix things, paint things, plaster things, electrically, plumbing, cooking, pull a pork chop out of the choking family dog’s throat, she’s been in the delivery room with Ryan for all 3 babies. I helped her study flash cards when she went back to school when I was in the 3rd grade. She took us to work, we worked for her at the Bridal mansion. There isn’t one thing she can’t do. So this is my mom’s day today. She is truly the wind beneath my wings She has always put her children first. She has always found the answers to my questions. She sees the positives even in my darkest days. I get so excited to see her smiling face pop up on FaceTime. And she says there’s my cutie. Followed by, Lori you always are beautiful. I’m a reflection of my mom. I learned by watching my mom!
What she doesn’t know is she is the beautiful one!!
I look up to her. I love her so much! Happy Birthday Mom!

What makes non stop

Football games on Sunday

Ok

Yet my 4 soap operas

During the week

Make me not normal

According to my RG…

And there’s always a game

Or two every night

With teams I didn’t

Even know he cared about…

Then there are his nightly

Calls with his mother…

a moment of sudden revelation or insight

On Epiphany Sunday

Never expected to hear

The exact same words

Said so many

Years ago

But there they were

Said

Out of a mouth

From whence they should

Never

Have come

Is upon us

Never expected

To see the day

My other half

Experiences it first

With me following

Two weeks later…

Never noticed the

Other years passing

But the bone on bone

Creaks when walking

Hair color changes

Hearing bordering deafness

Cataract removal

Children over 50

Grandchildren

Graduating college

A few falls here

And there…

An old

Year ending and

A new year beginning

one wonders

What life altering

Surprises

Will appear with

Every sunrise…

Praising God

That we get to see

Another….

Seems to be an impass

Between this couple

I’ll bag you wrap

And I’ll get finished

Before you …

Are really trying

Seeing her struggle

With each chore

Yet she continues

Til its finished…

Taking so many

Pills to keep her

Moving

Yet she smiles

And laughs through

It all…

Me crying knowing

I’m aging 24 years faster

Probably

Gone when she needs

Me most

Thank you Rye

My heart and soul

Loves you

Keep my baby

Safe and happy

With those three

Boys always

In tow…

Does one come back

From such a selfish

And self-serving act

Over spending on a

Rent a car

Putting someone

In jeopardy

And not just anyone…

Yet spend so much

$$ and time on

Another…

My heart is pierced

And my

Anger is beyond

The line….

In an urn

Beside her love

Wish God would

Mix them from

Above

It seems like the

Waiting still

Carries on

Only God

Can reunite them

Now

To the beautiful

Castles He’s built

For each

As their eternal

Rest

For faithfulness

Is aching in every beat

The heart is breaking

With each repeat

Sounds of love

Seldom slip

When days of mama

Flow off the lips

Its painful to watch

The ending days

Everyones been there

They never see

Only their ache

Do they perceive

This ache runs deep

And extremely long

As the body

Deteriorates underground

What an odd routine

For one so dear

Underground and far away

Never to be seen

Never heard

But the pain in the heart

Goes on and on…

A major delemna

Instead of enjoying

The longer stay

All are made miserable

By the end of the day

What was seen

What was felt

So many years ago

That made one think

It could be real

One said it’s a funny

Klan

Pray she’ll fit in

Is the best plan

second fiddle

Was never my chair

I’m beginning to see

You no longer hear…

I have to stop playing

It’s been over 10 years

I don’t want the spot light

But part-time anything

Just Isn’t my gig

You aren’t pulling me

Forward as I fade to the back

You’ve made your choice

Not by voice but by act

Of leaving my side…

I’ve been trying so hard

To make you see

But I’m finally realizing

It’s her

And not me..,

Coming to an end

I feel it creaking in my

Bones

Spasms in my neck

And jaw

With me daily now…

Wondering where

It will end.,.

Wondering if my

Heart and especially

My soul are ready for

The next life

Or if the fear and

Anger of this one

Will let me move on…

Most my age don’t

Have the saddness

Of a poor soul hanging

On to cause me strife

As promised…

That sister and brother

Of mine

Always only a call or a

Scream away since

The beginning of my time…

We’ve been apart for

Many years as we each

Began our own families

And life…

Yet their voice and

Name on my caller ID

Always brought B street

And home back to me…

Now that childhood

Memory is mine alone…

My younger sister was

Born 6 years after we

Moved…

Our separation of

Living our lives has

Cushioned the loss

But not hearing their

Voice or seeing their

Name on my caller ID

is 💔 heartbreaking…

Not the way to go

At cemetaries

Yes, plastic flowers

Last longer

But are they placed

There for the dead

Or for the living…so that those

Driving or visiting know

You were there…

Today…clean up was

What was going on

At my favorite cemetery…

I drive passed daily

Making the dead belong

In the community still…

There was a dumpster

And all the debris

Plastic, And dead flowers

In pots were removed…

No doubt getting

Ready for the Christmas

Season right around the

Corner…

This is what cemetaries

Should be…

Activity daily

Part of the living they

Left behind…

I love to go and sit

In the Afternoon with

My Ice tea and just

Absorb the quiet

And holiness of this

Sacred ground…

I know very few buried here,

A babysitter Jill and My son’s

High school friend Meghan…

The older section has

Very few flowers ever…

As they have been here

So long that most of

Their families have passed too…

Yet the Masses and

Other activities that are

Planned here affect all…

This cemetery affects

Me more than

Any other….

To five

Years passed

Then

Five turned

Back to two again

Now two

Has turned to

Three

Praying the

Right two

Remain…

What can happen in 24 hours?

Lets see…

My mother died about 10pm

By 11 was taken by ambulance

To the funeral home

Neighbors and aunts

Took down the Christmas tree

And light outside, mom died

Under the tree…

All family were called including

Me…

Her burial clothes were gathered

Dad made a new will as the Dr.

Didn’t think he would make

It through the night…

Being from a small town

Everyone comes to help…

By early morning our car,

Kids, dog and all were heading

Home, eight hours away

To be there even though

She was gone…

Food arrived from all over the

Valley, along with flowers

And well wishers…

When I arrived at 4pm

She was beautifully dressed in

Dark aqua…

Although pink was her color

Her hair was curled and combed

Her cheeks rouged with a

Tint of pick matching her lips

Yes it was the body and face

Of my mother laying in the

Beautiful box, but the mother

I knew was not laying there

She was hovering, I felt her

Presence but the body no

Longer contained her…

It was like the day after Christmas

When the beautiful tree and

Wrappings underneath had lost

The glow!

Seeing her was a punch to

The stomach that still hurts today

So in 17 hours

Not 24

No not even a day

My life had changed

In a way I can’t explain

And remains so today..:

Right side under breast

Into back, shoulder

And neck

Exhausted…

The nausea

and

Not being able to eat

Much is worrosome

Although

Enjoying

Weight loss…

Beginning to understand

The stages

Of Grief…

First tears and sadness

Then constantantly

Remembering

Now 4 months later

Anger…

When will the next

Stage begin

And what is it…

Is hard to deal with..

Taking offense at anything

I say…

Is this something

I should worry about

The intensity has increased

His obsession with his mom

I fear for when she finally

Passes…

Heaven knows she’s not

In the best place as their

Kind of care puts her in

Jeopardy

Every three weeks…

10 lbs weight loss in

3 weeks

Continually

Two emergency hospital

Admission for severe

Dehydration

They don’t have the time

To feed her

She’s in skilled care

Not assistant living…

If he’s not there

She has little care…

His meds today

Yesterday he was fun

But today he’s mean

As hell over beef stew

I’m making then getting

Out of his sight

What is this mood

About??)?

Both sad and happy today!

We had a slow leak

From our kitchen faucet

For a few weeks and didn’t

Know it!

Anyway today 36 years

Of our basement has been

Gutted and tossed in

A huge dumpster…

The dumpster is full and

Carpet and paneling

Hasn’t been removed yet…

Since I have bone on

Bone knees I don’t travel the

Steps and the leak followed

The ceiling and carpet

So it never got near the sump

Pump in the back left corner

Of the unfinished part…

We will put alarms in the

Basement when we rebuild

So this never occurs again…

No rain, no tornado

Just a leak in the 20 year

Old Faucet…And it has a lifetime

Warranty…

Great the faucet company

Is paying for the $200+ faucet…

And I’m sure our water bill

Will go down…

And my basement will be cleared

And cleaned of all problems

But 36 years of fun

Kids, parties, are gone

Gotta make sure they

Saved the pictures…

Still wonder about the treadmil

And Victrola! An original

Edison with a crank and allot of thick

Records from the early

1900… should they stay

Or should they Go???

Need an antique dealer…

At this age I never expected

To be dealing with this…

Maybe its time for us to move

On except we have two attics

And umpteen closests that store

Too much…

Time for death cleaning

As the Swedish call it!

Or getting rid of everything

That doesn’t bring me joy!!!

Like the kitchen!!!

People must communicate

And receive communication

In a totally different way

Than right handed people…

Dealing with 2 right handed

Brothers gives me pause…

Questions take longer to

Get answered with more

Than necessary wording…

The thought process and

Delivery of the final

Answer baffles me

It has to be the difference

In the wiring in the

The brain that delivers

And processes information..

More slow with more

Thought process than

Needed…

Yes, I’m the lefty and

Require an answer quickly

And move on…

The things that go off in your mind…

Today on the scales

I’m down another 5 lbs

Seldom get on the scales

But first thought

Oh good…

I won’t looked stuffed

In my coffin

What part of

Taking over the floor

Pushed the other out

Isn’t understanable

To the one being

Visited …

And comcast are driving

My RG crazy this week

At least 5 hours on the

Phone and no results…

Then while he’s out hitting

Golf balls I sit and ask

My remote to find ESPN +

And low and behold it

Clicked on…

Talking to 3 different people

With heavy accents make

It hard to understand but

As I was listening to

The girl last night I understood

She said give it time

It takes awhile to upload

After I hit subscribe…

Patience, not understanding

And electronics aren’t a big

Hit with my RG…

Heartbreaking

To ones ears

And only seems

To be used on one

With great patience

And understanding

For all others…

How things turn around

From going places alone

To not

Wanting to go anywhere

Anymore…

On my way to McD’s

mailboxes caught my

Eye…

A new family moved in

And took everything out

From windows to shrubs

And I’m sure the inside

Was also totally updated..

The mailbox is new nothing

Special just new..

Others in the neighborhood

Are worn, along with mine

As they have weathered

Many years with us…

Some are over the top

Others serviceable and

Some need replacing…

Some lean

Some are totally erect

Most are metal some plastic

Other are covered in wood…

They are all doing their job

Or would be replaced…

Like me

Mine needs repair

It leans, missing a couple

Shingles scratched and

The flowers around it need

Spruced up…

I guess I look passed it

Most days as its aches and

Pains mimic mine

Glad like me it’s standing

I walk to it

open it

Get the mail and standing

Another day…

About this nausea

Is becoming a daily occurrence

By night fall

Its in my throat

Neck and shoulders

Took my meds

Will drink some

Milk

Hoping

This uneasy feeling

Leaves me soon…

Wish my RG were

Home at these

Fearful times

That I’m unsure

Are nothing…

$35,000 in 1970 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $289,981.31 today, an increase of $254,981.31 over 55 years. The dollar had an average inflation rate of 3.92% per year between 1970 and today, producing a cumulative price increase of 728.52%.

My car barely moves

Other than a trip a day

To McD

Or an occasional trip

To see Sue

I’m 77 how much

Mileage

Do I have left…

For the benign

Return on my biopsies…

Might

Over Right

Is never the way…

One should always

Err on the side that

One could be wrong…

It causes great fear

When the scream

Of being right causes

Great safety issues…

And one fearing

One safety is not

Of the greatest

Importance

Make one realize

To keep onself

Safe

and

Avoid the conflict…

This little piggy

Went to market

This little piggy stayed home

This little piggy had roast beef

And this little piggy had none

And this little piggy

Went we we we all the way home

I saw my toes moving

Not by my hand

And the sound of the voice

Brought back the memory

Of me in my crib

And Maury standing behind

Bars or maybe the slats of the crib

But I was in bed last night

Watching Lawrence (the last word)

When this happened

And felt something or

Someone

touching

My toes…

Was it a dream or a wonderful

Memory of childhood

With my sister

Or was she actually

Letting me know

She was ok and happy

By sharing this wonderful

Glimpse of a long forgotten

Time…

And watch as he

Cleans the kitchen…

I’m not lazy or embarrassed

To watch him do it…

I no longer cook

And haven’t since we

Retired…

He grocery shops too

Why

He loves it…

He spends more hours

In grocery stores than

On the golf course

Although spread over days…

I hate grocery shopping

Unless I’m baking…

Anyway…his cooking

Affects the whole of the

Kitchen

A simple peanut butter

Sandwich will cause him to

Touch all surfaces

So…

Cleaning up after

Is to me part of the

Cooking experience but

Not mine!!!

This time he

Saw an ant on counter

Sprayed repellant in his eye

So got the sprayer

from the sink

And sprayed his eyes

Now the oven

And micro

Won’t work…

So I get pulled out

Of bed at 8 am

To fix…

I come down water dripping

Off Cupboards

Obviously the

Stove wall

Etc. are soaked

Including outlet box…

It has to dry out

Before it will work…

Just another early

Morning with my

Retired Groom…

Tonight

40 years

Instead of

6 decades…

I’m on the phone

Who cares!

New problem

With My RG

Today he put his

Password into his

Phone more than

Once…wrong

Causing the phone

To be locked for

An hour

He was sure it was

A hacker…

Called xfinity

And Apple…

They said sorry…

You have to wait

The hour.:.

Older sister passes

You begin to realize

The days dwindle down

To a precious few…

realizing that

The time clock is now

Ticking in your pocket…

You’ve gone from

Being the youngest

To the middle

Now to the oldest

the next in line…

Which is fine

As these days

Dwindle to a prescious

Few…June, July……………

But I’m going to see

Leanne Morgan

In Fishers first…

With my grandpa

All of our youth

And he was always

The peace maker

Between sisters..

My sister had a large

Collection of vintage

period Dolls and

Our great- grandmother

Crochet beautiful

Outfits for some…

When Maury cleaned

Our room every Saturday

She would put out different

Dolls to depict the season, holiday

Month or color…

I loved the dolls but wasn’t

Allowed to touch them

According to my sister…

But when Maury was at school

And mom got sick of trying

To keep a 4/5 year old entertained

She would say go play with

The dolls in your bedroom

Closet…

When Maury got home she

Would find the dolls out of

Their boxes on the floor and

In various disarray of

Undress…

She would’ve

Run screaming to mom

At what I had done…

Mom would just say…

To take me upstairs and show

Me how to redress them and put

Them in the boxes and put

Them away…

Upon coming home from

Work my grandpa

Heard his HoneyGirl ( Maury)

Upset and crying and Me his

(Honey Bunch) being berated

And threatened…

Grandpa sat on the floor and

Helped Maury get all the

Dolls back together and put away

And told her that on Saturday

He would show her how

To solved the problem…

By the end of the weekend

Only the few dolls that decorated

Our dresser that I couldn’t reach

Were visible…

I could never figure out where

She hid them… there must

Have been 30/40 altogether…

One night when I was older

Maury told me that she and

Grandpa took his hats out of the

Hat boxes and keep all the dolls

In there on his higher shelves…

Out of sight out of mind…

And he bought me a Betsy wetsy

Doll that I loved…

Maury said they never told

Mom where the dolls were

As she didn’t honor Maury’s

Ownership and the care she

Gave to the dolls…

I’m sure grandpa told mom

But she never let on…

I looked everywhere

For those dolls but

Finally lost interest!!!

Yep Grandpa always had the

Best ways to keep peace and

Always had candy and cupcakes

To quiet the yelling…

Nights were always

Date night

Once my sister

Met Tom, she

Always managed to

Talk mom into a new

Outfit…

So when Tom picked her

Up I hurried and put

On the new outfit from

The weekend before…

I was about 15

When I walked into

The kitchen in her outfit…

Mom would just say

Make sure you get home

Before her and hang

It up in the right order…

My curfew was much

Earlier than her’s

Plus she never

Made a curfew…Never

Again tonight

Wondering if you’re

Okay…

If all we believe is true

Hoping you can

Let me know your ok

Happy and with Tom,

Mom and Dad and Billy…

For 77 years I’ve known

Where you were

And could call you at

Any moment…

The torment of not

Knowing is an act of Faith

I’ve been taught to believe

But right now

Not being able to reach

You is gut wrenching…

I’m so scared

Worrying that you might be too…

Faith is a scary thing

For me…I believe

But I’m scared

You never were

Never doubted and

Were ready…

Help me find the

Peace that I know

You have…

Has been gone 4 days

And my mind can’t

Go foreward

She’s in my thoughts

My words

My tears and

My heart…

It’s not a feeling of pain

But a longing of the

Childhood we shared

That no one

Can reminisce

Those wonderful times

So long ago…

Brought me to tears today

As I sat in line waiting

For my chicken sandwich

At Bueno…

Looking at the age spots

On my arm remembering

How my sister growing

Up hated the freckles

She had on her alabaster

Skin enhanced by her

Strawberry blond hair

I loved her freckles

I had none she therefore

Deduced I must have been

Adopted teasing me

Constantly…

When she went to college

She became our sunburn

Queen scorching her skin

Into the color of a red lobster

Thinking the freckles would

Disappear or fade to Tan…

As time moved forward

My sister Turned into

A beautiful swan…

She always kept her beautiful

Shape and sprayed silver

Into her hair to change

The strawberry to Platinum

Found make-up

And was soon voted the best

Dressed at college…

I continued on with my

Tan skin and dishwater blonde

Hair and she finally admitted

As she became a 3rd grade

School teacher that

I wasn’t adopted…

I’m praying that planet

Heaven is alot bigger

Than Planet earth

And my sister is not

In a waiting room…

I also hope they need an

Organist because she

Was the best…

Her feet would move

The wooden peddels

Underneath as fast

As her fingers would

Play the 3 and 4 levels

Of the organ

At Sacred Heart Church…

I had a birds eye view

Since I would sit in the

Balcony after school

As she practiced…

In 2nd grade I became

Part of the choir

And sang As she played

For the next 5 years…

For most of the time

I remember her stawberry

blonde sausage curls

Bounce and sway to

The loud and majestical

Music she performed

Under a little caplet veil

Bobbie pinned to her hair

As the head had to be covered

In church in those days…

She was a stickler for rules

And would put a piece of

Kleenex under my headband

In compliance..

On the way home from

Practice we would stop

At the convent that sat

A few blocks over from the

Church and a few blocks down

From our house to get any

Last instructions from

Sister Charles on any new

Music for weekend masses…

Sister always had new sheet

Music for Margy as sister

Liked to call her

And Maury would always

Sit down at Sister’s baby grand

And play the new song

Then she would take it

Home and memorize

It before bedtime…

Our grandpa was an Irish

Tenor and would sing as she

Played and then he would finish

Supper dishes so she could

Keep playing…

She never seemed to

Tire of playing…

I used to go to sleep

To her music and then

Wake to it if she had a

Recital that day…

She always had recitals

We traveled all over the

Diocese on the weekends

With a penguin or two

In the back seat with Maury…

Billy played too but never

Loved it like she did…

I did too but my passion

Just didn’t like the discipline…

With our brother

Mom and dad and her

Beloved Tom…

My heart is heavy

My tears are flowing

For the voice that is silent

And stories untold..

We shared a room

Through childhood

Married and were seperated

By miles

But the love and

Heart that ties us

Will be forevever

Bound…

Love you Maury

See you soon!