Is upon us
Never expected
To see the day
My other half
Experiences it first
With me following
Two weeks later…
Never noticed the
Other years passing
But the bone on bone
Creaks when walking
Hair color changes
Hearing bordering deafness
Cataract removal
Children over 50
Grandchildren
Graduating college
A few falls here
And there…
An old
Year ending and
A new year beginning
one wonders
What life altering
Surprises
Will appear with
Every sunrise…
Praising God
That we get to see
Another….
Seems to be an impass
Between this couple
I’ll bag you wrap
And I’ll get finished
Before you …
Are really trying
Seeing her struggle
With each chore
Yet she continues
Til its finished…
Taking so many
Pills to keep her
Moving
Yet she smiles
And laughs through
It all…
Me crying knowing
I’m aging 24 years faster
Probably
Gone when she needs
Me most
Thank you Rye
My heart and soul
Loves you
Keep my baby
Safe and happy
With those three
Boys always
In tow…
Does one come back
From such a selfish
And self-serving act
Over spending on a
Rent a car
Putting someone
In jeopardy
And not just anyone…
Yet spend so much
$$ and time on
Another…
My heart is pierced
And my
Anger is beyond
The line….
In an urn
Beside her love
Wish God would
Mix them from
Above
It seems like the
Waiting still
Carries on
Only God
Can reunite them
Now
To the beautiful
Castles He’s built
For each
As their eternal
Rest
For faithfulness
Is aching in every beat
The heart is breaking
With each repeat
Sounds of love
Seldom slip
When days of mama
Flow off the lips
Its painful to watch
The ending days
Everyones been there
They never see
Only their ache
Do they perceive
This ache runs deep
And extremely long
As the body
Deteriorates underground
What an odd routine
For one so dear
Underground and far away
Never to be seen
Never heard
But the pain in the heart
Goes on and on…
A major delemna
Instead of enjoying
The longer stay
All are made miserable
By the end of the day
What was seen
What was felt
So many years ago
That made one think
It could be real
One said it’s a funny
Klan
Pray she’ll fit in
Is the best plan
second fiddle
Was never my chair
I’m beginning to see
You no longer hear…
I have to stop playing
It’s been over 10 years
I don’t want the spot light
But part-time anything
Just Isn’t my gig
You aren’t pulling me
Forward as I fade to the back
You’ve made your choice
Not by voice but by act
Of leaving my side…
I’ve been trying so hard
To make you see
But I’m finally realizing
It’s her
And not me..,
Coming to an end
I feel it creaking in my
Bones
Spasms in my neck
And jaw
With me daily now…
Wondering where
It will end.,.
Wondering if my
Heart and especially
My soul are ready for
The next life
Or if the fear and
Anger of this one
Will let me move on…
Most my age don’t
Have the saddness
Of a poor soul hanging
On to cause me strife
As promised…
That sister and brother
Of mine
Always only a call or a
Scream away since
The beginning of my time…
We’ve been apart for
Many years as we each
Began our own families
And life…
Yet their voice and
Name on my caller ID
Always brought B street
And home back to me…
Now that childhood
Memory is mine alone…
My younger sister was
Born 6 years after we
Moved…
Our separation of
Living our lives has
Cushioned the loss
But not hearing their
Voice or seeing their
Name on my caller ID
is 💔 heartbreaking…
Not the way to go
At cemetaries
Yes, plastic flowers
Last longer
But are they placed
There for the dead
Or for the living…so that those
Driving or visiting know
You were there…
Today…clean up was
What was going on
At my favorite cemetery…
I drive passed daily
Making the dead belong
In the community still…
There was a dumpster
And all the debris
Plastic, And dead flowers
In pots were removed…
No doubt getting
Ready for the Christmas
Season right around the
Corner…
This is what cemetaries
Should be…
Activity daily
Part of the living they
Left behind…
I love to go and sit
In the Afternoon with
My Ice tea and just
Absorb the quiet
And holiness of this
Sacred ground…
I know very few buried here,
A babysitter Jill and My son’s
High school friend Meghan…
The older section has
Very few flowers ever…
As they have been here
So long that most of
Their families have passed too…
Yet the Masses and
Other activities that are
Planned here affect all…
This cemetery affects
Me more than
Any other….
To five
Years passed
Then
Five turned
Back to two again
Now two
Has turned to
Three
Praying the
Right two
Remain…
What can happen in 24 hours?
Lets see…
My mother died about 10pm
By 11 was taken by ambulance
To the funeral home
Neighbors and aunts
Took down the Christmas tree
And light outside, mom died
Under the tree…
All family were called including
Me…
Her burial clothes were gathered
Dad made a new will as the Dr.
Didn’t think he would make
It through the night…
Being from a small town
Everyone comes to help…
By early morning our car,
Kids, dog and all were heading
Home, eight hours away
To be there even though
She was gone…
Food arrived from all over the
Valley, along with flowers
And well wishers…
When I arrived at 4pm
She was beautifully dressed in
Dark aqua…
Although pink was her color
Her hair was curled and combed
Her cheeks rouged with a
Tint of pick matching her lips
Yes it was the body and face
Of my mother laying in the
Beautiful box, but the mother
I knew was not laying there
She was hovering, I felt her
Presence but the body no
Longer contained her…
It was like the day after Christmas
When the beautiful tree and
Wrappings underneath had lost
The glow!
Seeing her was a punch to
The stomach that still hurts today
So in 17 hours
Not 24
No not even a day
My life had changed
In a way I can’t explain
And remains so today..:
Right side under breast
Into back, shoulder
And neck
Exhausted…
The nausea
and
Not being able to eat
Much is worrosome
Although
Enjoying
Weight loss…
Beginning to understand
The stages
Of Grief…
First tears and sadness
Then constantantly
Remembering
Now 4 months later
Anger…
When will the next
Stage begin
And what is it…
Is hard to deal with..
Taking offense at anything
I say…
Is this something
I should worry about
The intensity has increased
His obsession with his mom
I fear for when she finally
Passes…
Heaven knows she’s not
In the best place as their
Kind of care puts her in
Jeopardy
Every three weeks…
10 lbs weight loss in
3 weeks
Continually
Two emergency hospital
Admission for severe
Dehydration
They don’t have the time
To feed her
She’s in skilled care
Not assistant living…
If he’s not there
She has little care…
His meds today
Yesterday he was fun
But today he’s mean
As hell over beef stew
I’m making then getting
Out of his sight
What is this mood
About??)?
Both sad and happy today!
We had a slow leak
From our kitchen faucet
For a few weeks and didn’t
Know it!
Anyway today 36 years
Of our basement has been
Gutted and tossed in
A huge dumpster…
The dumpster is full and
Carpet and paneling
Hasn’t been removed yet…
Since I have bone on
Bone knees I don’t travel the
Steps and the leak followed
The ceiling and carpet
So it never got near the sump
Pump in the back left corner
Of the unfinished part…
We will put alarms in the
Basement when we rebuild
So this never occurs again…
No rain, no tornado
Just a leak in the 20 year
Old Faucet…And it has a lifetime
Warranty…
Great the faucet company
Is paying for the $200+ faucet…
And I’m sure our water bill
Will go down…
And my basement will be cleared
And cleaned of all problems
But 36 years of fun
Kids, parties, are gone
Gotta make sure they
Saved the pictures…
Still wonder about the treadmil
And Victrola! An original
Edison with a crank and allot of thick
Records from the early
1900… should they stay
Or should they Go???
Need an antique dealer…
At this age I never expected
To be dealing with this…
Maybe its time for us to move
On except we have two attics
And umpteen closests that store
Too much…
Time for death cleaning
As the Swedish call it!
Or getting rid of everything
That doesn’t bring me joy!!!
Like the kitchen!!!
People must communicate
And receive communication
In a totally different way
Than right handed people…
Dealing with 2 right handed
Brothers gives me pause…
Questions take longer to
Get answered with more
Than necessary wording…
The thought process and
Delivery of the final
Answer baffles me
It has to be the difference
In the wiring in the
The brain that delivers
And processes information..
More slow with more
Thought process than
Needed…
Yes, I’m the lefty and
Require an answer quickly
And move on…
The things that go off in your mind…
Today on the scales
I’m down another 5 lbs
Seldom get on the scales
But first thought
Oh good…
I won’t looked stuffed
In my coffin
What part of
Taking over the floor
Pushed the other out
Isn’t understanable
To the one being
Visited …
And comcast are driving
My RG crazy this week
At least 5 hours on the
Phone and no results…
Then while he’s out hitting
Golf balls I sit and ask
My remote to find ESPN +
And low and behold it
Clicked on…
Talking to 3 different people
With heavy accents make
It hard to understand but
As I was listening to
The girl last night I understood
She said give it time
It takes awhile to upload
After I hit subscribe…
Patience, not understanding
And electronics aren’t a big
Hit with my RG…
Heartbreaking
To ones ears
And only seems
To be used on one
With great patience
And understanding
For all others…
How things turn around
From going places alone
To not
Wanting to go anywhere
Anymore…
On my way to McD’s
mailboxes caught my
Eye…
A new family moved in
And took everything out
From windows to shrubs
And I’m sure the inside
Was also totally updated..
The mailbox is new nothing
Special just new..
Others in the neighborhood
Are worn, along with mine
As they have weathered
Many years with us…
Some are over the top
Others serviceable and
Some need replacing…
Some lean
Some are totally erect
Most are metal some plastic
Other are cover in wood…
They are all doing their job
Or would be replaced…
Like me
Mine needs repair
It leans, missing a couple
Shingles scratched and
The flowers around it need
Spruced up…
I guess I look passed it
Most days as its aches and
Pains mimic mine
Glad like me it’s standing
I walk to it
open it
Get the mail and standing
Another day…
About this nausea
Is becoming a daily occurrence
By night fall
Its in my throat
Neck and shoulders
Took my meds
Will drink some
Milk
Hoping
This uneasy feeling
Leaves me soon…
Wish my RG were
Home at these
Fearful times
That I’m unsure
Are nothing…
$35,000 in 1970 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $289,981.31 today, an increase of $254,981.31 over 55 years. The dollar had an average inflation rate of 3.92% per year between 1970 and today, producing a cumulative price increase of 728.52%.
My car barely moves
Other than a trip a day
To McD
Or an occasional trip
To see Sue
I’m 77 how much
Mileage
Do I have left…
For the benign
Return on my biopsies…
Might
Over Right
Is never the way…
One should always
Err on the side that
One could be wrong…
It causes great fear
When the scream
Of being right causes
Great safety issues…
And one fearing
One safety is not
Of the greatest
Importance
Make one realize
To keep onself
Safe
and
Avoid the conflict…
This little piggy
Went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy had roast beef
And this little piggy had none
And this little piggy
Went we we we all the way home
I saw my toes moving
Not by my hand
And the sound of the voice
Brought back the memory
Of me in my crib
And Maury standing behind
Bars or maybe the slats of the crib
But I was in bed last night
Watching Lawrence (the last word)
When this happened
And felt something or
Someone
touching
My toes…
Was it a dream or a wonderful
Memory of childhood
With my sister
Or was she actually
Letting me know
She was ok and happy
By sharing this wonderful
Glimpse of a long forgotten
Time…
And watch as he
Cleans the kitchen…
I’m not lazy or embarrassed
To watch him do it…
I no longer cook
And haven’t since we
Retired…
He grocery shops too
Why
He loves it…
He spends more hours
In grocery stores than
On the golf course
Although spread over days…
I hate grocery shopping
Unless I’m baking…
Anyway…his cooking
Affects the whole of the
Kitchen
A simple peanut butter
Sandwich will cause him to
Touch all surfaces
So…
Cleaning up after
Is to me part of the
Cooking experience but
Not mine!!!
This time he
Saw an ant on counter
Sprayed repellant in his eye
So got the sprayer
from the sink
And sprayed his eyes
Now the oven
And micro
Won’t work…
So I get pulled out
Of bed at 8 am
To fix…
I come down water dripping
Off Cupboards
Obviously the
Stove wall
Etc. are soaked
Including outlet box…
It has to dry out
Before it will work…
Just another early
Morning with my
Retired Groom…
Tonight
40 years
Instead of
6 decades…
I’m on the phone
Who cares!
New problem
With My RG
Today he put his
Password into his
Phone more than
Once…wrong
Causing the phone
To be locked for
An hour
He was sure it was
A hacker…
Called xfinity
And Apple…
They said sorry…
You have to wait
The hour.:.
Older sister passes
You begin to realize
The days dwindle down
To a precious few…
realizing that
The time clock is now
Ticking in your pocket…
You’ve gone from
Being the youngest
To the middle
Now to the oldest
the next in line…
Which is fine
As these days
Dwindle to a prescious
Few…June, July……………
But I’m going to see
Leanne Morgan
In Fishers first…
With my grandpa
All of our youth
And he was always
The peace maker
Between sisters..
My sister had a large
Collection of vintage
period Dolls and
Our great- grandmother
Crochet beautiful
Outfits for some…
When Maury cleaned
Our room every Saturday
She would put out different
Dolls to depict the season, holiday
Month or color…
I loved the dolls but wasn’t
Allowed to touch them
According to my sister…
But when Maury was at school
And mom got sick of trying
To keep a 4/5 year old entertained
She would say go play with
The dolls in your bedroom
Closet…
When Maury got home she
Would find the dolls out of
Their boxes on the floor and
In various disarray of
Undress…
She would’ve
Run screaming to mom
At what I had done…
Mom would just say…
To take me upstairs and show
Me how to redress them and put
Them in the boxes and put
Them away…
Upon coming home from
Work my grandpa
Heard his HoneyGirl ( Maury)
Upset and crying and Me his
(Honey Bunch) being berated
And threatened…
Grandpa sat on the floor and
Helped Maury get all the
Dolls back together and put away
And told her that on Saturday
He would show her how
To solved the problem…
By the end of the weekend
Only the few dolls that decorated
Our dresser that I couldn’t reach
Were visible…
I could never figure out where
She hid them… there must
Have been 30/40 altogether…
One night when I was older
Maury told me that she and
Grandpa took his hats out of the
Hat boxes and keep all the dolls
In there on his higher shelves…
Out of sight out of mind…
And he bought me a Betsy wetsy
Doll that I loved…
Maury said they never told
Mom where the dolls were
As she didn’t honor Maury’s
Ownership and the care she
Gave to the dolls…
I’m sure grandpa told mom
But she never let on…
I looked everywhere
For those dolls but
Finally lost interest!!!
Yep Grandpa always had the
Best ways to keep peace and
Always had candy and cupcakes
To quiet the yelling…
Nights were always
Date night
Once my sister
Met Tom, she
Always managed to
Talk mom into a new
Outfit…
So when Tom picked her
Up I hurried and put
On the new outfit from
The weekend before…
I was about 15
When I walked into
The kitchen in her outfit…
Mom would just say
Make sure you get home
Before her and hang
It up in the right order…
My curfew was much
Earlier than her’s
Plus she never
Made a curfew…Never
Again tonight
Wondering if you’re
Okay…
If all we believe is true
Hoping you can
Let me know your ok
Happy and with Tom,
Mom and Dad and Billy…
For 77 years I’ve known
Where you were
And could call you at
Any moment…
The torment of not
Knowing is an act of Faith
I’ve been taught to believe
But right now
Not being able to reach
You is gut wrenching…
I’m so scared
Worrying that you might be too…
Faith is a scary thing
For me…I believe
But I’m scared
You never were
Never doubted and
Were ready…
Help me find the
Peace that I know
You have…
Has been gone 4 days
And my mind can’t
Go foreward
She’s in my thoughts
My words
My tears and
My heart…
It’s not a feeling of pain
But a longing of the
Childhood we shared
That no one
Can reminisce
Those wonderful times
So long ago…
Brought me to tears today
As I sat in line waiting
For my chicken sandwich
At Bueno…
Looking at the age spots
On my arm remembering
How my sister growing
Up hated the freckles
She had on her alabaster
Skin enhanced by her
Strawberry blond hair
I loved her freckles
I had none she therefore
Deduced I must have been
Adopted teasing me
Constantly…
When she went to college
She became our sunburn
Queen scorching her skin
Into the color of a red lobster
Thinking the freckles would
Disappear or fade to Tan…
As time moved forward
My sister Turned into
A beautiful swan…
She always kept her beautiful
Shape and sprayed silver
Into her hair to change
The strawberry to Platinum
Found make-up
And was soon voted the best
Dressed at college…
I continued on with my
Tan skin and dishwater blonde
Hair and she finally admitted
As she became a 3rd grade
School teacher that
I wasn’t adopted…
I’m praying that planet
Heaven is alot bigger
Than Planet earth
And my sister is not
In a waiting room…
I also hope they need an
Organist because she
Was the best…
Her feet would move
The wooden peddels
Underneath as fast
As her fingers would
Play the 3 and 4 levels
Of the organ
At Sacred Heart Church…
I had a birds eye view
Since I would sit in the
Balcony after school
As she practiced…
In 2nd grade I became
Part of the choir
And sang As she played
For the next 5 years…
For most of the time
I remember her stawberry
blonde sausage curls
Bounce and sway to
The loud and majestical
Music she performed
Under a little caplet veil
Bobbie pinned to her hair
As the head had to be covered
In church in those days…
She was a stickler for rules
And would put a piece of
Kleenex under my headband
In compliance..
On the way home from
Practice we would stop
At the convent that sat
A few blocks over from the
Church and a few blocks down
From our house to get any
Last instructions from
Sister Charles on any new
Music for weekend masses…
Sister always had new sheet
Music for Margy as sister
Liked to call her
And Maury would always
Sit down at Sister’s baby grand
And play the new song
Then she would take it
Home and memorize
It before bedtime…
Our grandpa was an Irish
Tenor and would sing as she
Played and then he would finish
Supper dishes so she could
Keep playing…
She never seemed to
Tire of playing…
I used to go to sleep
To her music and then
Wake to it if she had a
Recital that day…
She always had recitals
We traveled all over the
Diocese on the weekends
With a penguin or two
In the back seat with Maury…
Billy played too but never
Loved it like she did…
I did too but my passion
Just didn’t like the discipline…
With our brother
Mom and dad and her
Beloved Tom…
My heart is heavy
My tears are flowing
For the voice that is silent
And stories untold..
We shared a room
Through childhood
Married and were seperated
By miles
But the love and
Heart that ties us
Will be forevever
Bound…
Love you Maury
See you soon!
Important to one
Are not important
To the other…
Feelings and impending
Death take all my
Senses to cope…
Ongoing stupidity
Of caretakers with
No consequences or control
Of actions along with
No say in the matter
Make me realize I
Must let go…
Then adding lasagna
To the mix
Blows my mind…
Could understand
The nastiness…
upon waking
With no warning
Or reason
Some feel its lack of
Control
Others feel fear
Of aging and no longer
Understanding
But those it attacks
Lack understanding
And patience…
peaceful
And painless as she wants…
Hospice and her kids
Are there
She’s sleeping more and
Eating little
Fading away
In her home she has shared
With her husband and
Kids for 57 years..,
Birthday tomorrow 6/21/42
83 is a long life
18 without Tom
The crush of her life…
I’m sad but prepared
Aging changes hope
Into reality
at some point we all
Go…ashes to ashes…
Is very low today
Trampled on
Discarded
Bleeding…
Are feelings
Right/wrong
At this age of life
Yes/no
It seems only the
Heart can decide
The one being trampled…
I’m alone
Not invited
To something I should
Have been included in…
He really
Doesn’t understand
The hurt
My father would ask
Sitting there all alone
Either withering
Or artificial…
They only serve to
Make the placer feel better
And are a show piece
That they were there…
Whether delivered by guilt
Or love is never really the point
You can knock but no one
Answers…
You can talk but again
No one speaks
You come to find answers
You’ll never get or
Never hear…
Why?
They aren’t there…
Doing any improvements
In our home over the
Last 20 years has been
A nightmare…
A kitchen redo
Took 1 1/2 years including
Fraud…
Then new siding and
A new roof taking half
A year because the insurance
Company hired a bad
Couple of contractors…
Now family room
carpet…
A month of having our
Home upset as the carpet
Has stain and lines of
Darker colors making
The carpet looks like the old
Carpet we pulled up
Hoping this gets settled soon…
Left the front burner
On last night…
Came down
At Midnight to find
Pan hot as hell
With lid on
And a plastic
Spatula starting to
Melt…
Features adds much
To a conversation
Request
Argument
And daily communication
Hoping
These traits take
On a softer sound and image…
See this continuing
Not eating
And the care
Being paid
For just
Isn’t there…
Life
Doesn’t make
Decisions
That put us
Between a rock
And a hard spot
But life has
A way of shaking
Everything out
With God’s will…
Is happening fast
My legs aren’t holding my
Mass
My gut is rotting
With leaking and pain
My future
I feel is waining…
Is the feeling
In my heart and soul
Today
Why I’m not sure
But A pretty good
Inkling sits in my gut…
Responsibility
Is not acknowledge
With flowers…
Say alot
Last night’s smile
Was so uplifting and
Genuine…
It radiates on his face
Maybe just maybe
The tide has turned…
I think its funny
That he leaves
Long and extended
Voice mails
For his brother
Telling me he does
This so he’s making
A record about his mom…
His brother doesn’t
Listen to them
And erases them
As soon as they talk…
What a waste of
Time….
Is driving me crazy
My RG
Speaks everything he thinks
And does outloud
Making my thoughts
Intertwine with his
Constant updates
On Medicine, Trump,
Mulch, Treasury bonds
Food, grams uti’s,
Home a half hour
Car parts, Kureg and all
His phone calls and I’ve been
Up an hour
Now “did I take my meds
And what was I doing, did
I pay Nationwide…
He is using my memory
To keep himself going
As he’s using up my mind
To back up his…
I need ear plugs
Not hearing aides….
It’s hard to believe
All I’ve said
It’s hard for me to..
To have said it
I should have called
This all out when it occurred
But never thought
You’d believe
There’s even more…
And tonight I feel you don’t…
No one has caused me more
Harm, hurt and humiliation
And I know no-one
is on my side other than
The 4 who have lived it
With me…
This type of love is not
What I was brought up on…
Tonight I feel alone
And while your head
Hurts my heart is dying
With the love I thought
I had…
But guess never did…
Toward me is not
Understood…
Living like I’m
A curse to your family
Even now to the end
through one
And for some reason
Heard often through
Another
It make going on
Hard…
At the way one acts
can’t even
Have a car trip without
The interruption
obsession
With eating, weight loss
When paying for the care…
Very little care
For others in the car
To go first
Is something to wonder
When the time spent
These last 10 years
Were split
During a time
Meant for
who…
Being alone
Is a learned habit
From being left
So many times…
Giving one space
Has not given the other
The required acknowledgement
Needed to continue…
always waiting
Waiting now to go home
Intime for golf tomorrow
Not for me today…
Importance is always
One way
Never flowing in the other
Direction…
Said Recently..:
Brings me back
About 40 years
To a phone call
Given as a
Warning…
Come to light
The awful thing
Stirs again…
The song
Come Home Come Home
Its Suppertime!
On TV every night
At Dinner time
Dad was home
Shortly after…
Rex Humbard on TV
Drives me crazy…
We’re never on the same track
Wondering if we’re
Even going in the same
Direction…
Our conversations
Boggle my train of thought
As we are both
Wondering what the other
Is saying…
Think the trains of thoughts
Just can never jump the tracks
Or travel at the same time
Line or speed…
These trains need
Tune ups or
Are becoming obsolete…:
My day watching soaps…
As he goes to golf course
While I clean up the
Kitchen…
Do a load of laundry
And he chases
A ball for 2 hours…
Seems the ball
Watching is more
Important
Than
TV watching
For this
Old couple…
He who isn’t wasting
Time
Cast the first
Ball..
What one reads
Can help stop arguments…
Feels one can’t be wrong
But my reunion
And said to rsvp
By 8/23 not order dinner…
Determined he read right
Me having to show him
He’s wrong…
Important???
Yes/No
But needing to stop
His always rightness
Priceless…….
Inherited
How are three in
The family suffering
From the same
Disease…PD
Daughter, sister, cousin
Same blood link
Through father
Praying
Alziemers
Doesn’t follow
The same pattern…
Grandfather, aunt, brother…
Although blood line
Is from both
Side with the latter…
No….
Causes extreme eruption…
Over cooking
Which goes on
24/7
The extreme mess
In the kitchen is
Not my way of cooking
Won’t be bullied
Upon coming
Downstairs first thing…
About 15 feet from
A window about 26 years
Ago gave me a new
Perspective on how time
Can slow down…
Is heavy today…
Someone I love
Feels like the ball
Instead of the Louieville
Slugger…
Are Long
Nights are wrong
My heart is blue
What to do…
Is limited
5 minutes
Out of the day
Make the delay
Life threatening…
It causes this
Heart to feel
Unimportant…
Friend and workmate
Even though 90
Hurts the same…
Many memories
Parties, dinner, dancing
Wedding, bestman
Moving help
And years of working
Together…
Memories forever
With a Trump interruption
And a good friend
Gone…
Feeling really odd today
No pain
Just dizzy
And shakey
Odd feeling…
Wish you were home…
As I see the compass
And you aren’t here…
13 years ago
This began
Continues…
With an end
far or near
the one gone
Could be you or me
What a toll
This has taken
On you and me…
And raving
Will never get my ear…
Sweet nothings
Tickle but don’t
Activate my body and soul
To act…
And to my vision and mind
Activate another soul
Other than flight or flight
In a way to get away
From the maniac
Trying to force compliance
In a threatening
Or imitated sweetening way …
March Days
In this area…
Mostly grey and cold
Making the landscape
Look dreary and old…
Every piece of junk
Around a home makes
The outside
Look messy and unkempt…
As I take small rides around
To get a glimpse of of what’s new
But not today
It’s…
just too darn dreary and blue…
I wish would begin
A bit different
Maybe with a song
Maybe with a smile
But a problem is the beginning
Of each day…
Seldom large
Just a bit irritating needed
To be shared…
Not love
Not hatred
Just fear…
Is a question
Heard something
In a letter out of a mouth
never heard before…
Yes it was provoked
But was a shock none the less
Over everything scares me
Every topic can inspire
The drama that can
Turn nasty at the drop of a
Dime…
Most say its nothing new
Though the volume has intensed
With age
When a call comes from
St Pauls
But enter the kitchen
While his masterpieces
Are coming together
Is something you do
At your own risk!
I stay out…totally away
And if kitchen
Looks like a bomb exploded
I don’t eat what looks so good
For fear he thinks I’m
An explosive engineer and
Cleanup organization…
I retired long ago
And will head to Bueno Beef
For a grilled chicken
Sandwich rather than
Feel obligated to clean up the
Mess and all the grease
Like I always did in our
Youthful days…
Funny how living together
Through old age
Has turn the tables…
Communicating with others
As you begin to age
Needing help
Yet not wanting to accept
Or ask…
Things I no longer
Want to do or even can do
Work on my mind daily…
Then things hubby wants
Me to do bug me more…
As my time ticks down
My thoughts go into
Dismal places as to what lies ahead
For me…
Do I love
The things that are good
For me to the point
That I overindulge
And makes me sick…
Like these new chocolate
MetaMucil wafers
Weird!
It make me wonder
It makes me think
Why would anyone
Stop and sink
A vote for such an
Awful Fink!!!
Left to simmer on back burner
Never put first and foremost
Not even for the first hour home…
Life is important
Drowning in remnants of
Bits of time make for a sad life…
Someone else calls
Who gets the boot
One starts to feel unneeded,
Unwanted, in the way…
Other’s birthdays so important
This one not so much
The heart gets heavy
The heart slows down
Wondering who will go first
And will this one be missed…
Did not go well…
Because of my coughing
They had to stop
As my numbers
Plummeted and soared…
BP over 200
Oxygen 0
I think the tight strap around my
Necked that wasn’t explained
But just strapped around
By male nurse
Before proceeding
Elevated me into panic…
And my body went to flight
Or fight mode shutting down
My airway…
Sounds like the Jaw thrust
Had to be used for 4 minutes
To get an airway opened…
Explains welts on neck and
Swelling and pain as if dealing
With swollen glands…
Has made me realize
Not every surgeon is
Great
Hiatal Hernia surgery
Will not be on my bucket
List nor will getting my
Knees replaced…
Have to really think
About what I really need
At 77…
Time to recover is not
On my side…
And sadness resides in my heart
One feels so good
The other…
Tears me apart….
My daughter’s test was good
My best friend’s
Not…
God is my go to
I’m giving this to Him
To keep my heart beating
With Good News
And holding it all in His Hands
So the bad news
Resolves
With His Will
In His time…
Time is not
Over rated!!!
Weak today
Why…who knows
He is seeing how
Blessed he is to
Have these last
Weeks with her
She’s heading to the
Staircase
In her own time
At God’s will
Keep her comfortable
And safe
In their haste
They don’t unbderstand
Her as you do
My Retired Groom 