His time away from me
Has given us space
That is not benificial
To us…
Hurt is the feeling
When I don’t have
The same time
Or attention as others…
Author: His retired bride
Aging
Gives us torment
Especially at night…
3am your heart starts pounding
Waking you out of sleep…
You put your hand on you chest
You can feel it
echoing in your brain
Thinking of waking husband
Then realize…he’ll call
An ambulance…
If it’s a heart attack?
Will I come back from it
Better than I am now?
I doubt it
So why go to the hospital…
Say an act of contrition
And leave it in God’s hands…
Just go back to sleep
Counting the beats
Like God’s sheep…
Torment
I wonder why they
Constantly torment
Each other…
This time
No room in car…
Brothers!!!!!
Trying…
Yet nothing is enough…
Giving him absolute time
Yet can’t return the same
Knew when surgery was
Yet took the out when offered
Not realizing the importance of
Commitment…
Kind of the same example
3 people in a sinking boat
Who gets the life jacket …
I know the answer better
Than anyone…
Sharing
At the later years is hard
Worried about him traveling
Alone
But can’t travel with him
He can’t divide his time
Or attention when with her
I understand and therefore stay
In my domain
Between a rock
And family is worse then
Riding the rapids…
Can’t talk to anyone
Any leak will hurt and
Cause more problems…
I shouldn’t be here
I shouldn’t have been
Brought into the middle
Yet here I am
The only voice
And someone with none…
How we coexist…
Is beyond me…
His idea of getting things
Together and done
Is to pull it all
Out…have it all over
Then decide to cook…
Wrapping paper and gifts
On table
Computer
Pie crust dough and cans
Of cranberries on counter
I can’t exist in this chaos…
If I straighten up
He’s behind me starting
Something new…
Now watching EKU on his
Phone….
Just another day
And we’ll
Be away
As I stay, he’ll
Be with his mom for a
Few days
I return SOLO.,..
Yeah!!!
Statin drugs
I’ve tried them all
The leg pain
Is unbearable…
The risk of dementia
Bothers me…
Dementia is in the family
Drugs increasing the risk
Is not something
I care to introduce…
Adopted
Children of God
Through Baptism and
Belief in Jesus Christ…
Since God made Adam and Eve
The first children of God
And we are the offspring
Adoption seems out of the question to me…
Granted that the Jews
Were the chosen
We were still from
The One…
I know it’s splitting words
But…
It seems like a new teaching
To enable belief….
Fingernails
Are an obsession with me…
For 30 while working I got
Acrylics every 3 weeks with
Fill ins now and then…
I loved them and they kept my
The nails
From being eaten up by the
Threads that used to cut my nails
To the cuticles daily…
Fashion design was my calling
And sewing was the vehicle
To design…
After retirement I decided to
To give up the expensive habit
And start using Kiss nail
Press ons…
Very happy with them…
Inexpensive
Less time consuming
And their addition to my
Grooming gets me many
Compliments…
What more can I ask for??
Cleaning today
Sweeper run
Yet everywhere there are crumbs
As my other half keeps eating…
I chew Ice
He talks
Both of these habits drive
Us crazy
So compromise
He talks…I chew…
Easy for me as football
Is on this Saturday and
He can’t stop talking at
The coach on the TV…
Chew chew chew chew…
Lucky for me I bought
A counter ice machine
That makes soft ice
That doesn’t crack my teeth
Or give me brain freeze
But still drives my retired groom
Nuts…..
At our age
We have to keep doing things
That makes us aware of each
Other…
Cataract removal
5 days after
Cataract surgery
On right eye is unbelievable…
Wish the left eye surgery
Is a few weeks away…
Right eye have such bright
Vision , colors that I’m getting
Headaches from closing left
Eye and only viewing with
The right…
But the vision in the right eye
Is unbelievable…
My heart is sad today
The first Sunday
After the election
And I am so worried about
Our country…
Feelings…
I see and feel things
Others feel and see differently…
Does that make one or
The other wrong…
No… we have different
Religions, upbringing
And experiences that give
Our brain, gut and logic thinking
A view we hold tightly…
Opposites attract…
But their minds are
Wired completely different…
One’s lefthanded
One’s right handed…
I say I sent it by email
He goes to messages…
He says right I turn left…
I say righty tighty
Lefty loosie
He looks at me bewildered…
Aging is just making it more
Intense…
He just stares in bewilderment
At everything
I say…
Love will keep us together
Because communication
And understanding
Are starting to become a
Foreign language to us…
Him from one country
Me from another…
Sadness
Comes in waves…
It overwhelms your mind
And body like no other
Disease.,.
Going on
Going forward
Coming back
Are the questions it presents…
Having faith keeps one
Foot in front of
Of the other…
Boundries
Are something at this
Age I don’t think
Others realize they trespass!
I’ve been easy going most
Of my life trying to
But my now my toes are stepped on daily
From chewing ice, how much
Ice cream I eat, how late I sleep,
How much I read, how early I go
To bed and so on…
I’m not going on another trip
To sit through a presentation
Sit at a fishing stream, travel to
Late, listen to phone conversation or CNN
Through the car audio…
Been there done that
Make all feel happy and safe…
Not doing it again…
A-lot like pregnancy…
Enjoyed it a few times but
When it’s over…ITS OVER!!!
On hold
Our life is on hold
And has been for some time…
His time is filled with
Silent phone calls daily
Just watching his mom
Deteriorate in place…
He wants so much more for
Her…I understand but at 96
Her body is spent…
Our bodies and minds are
Being spent worrying about
Her…
What a way to age!!
My parens left long ago and
The feelings are all spiritual now..
What they think or would do
Have little help in my life and
Mind as their days are gone
Over 50 years and the
Gap of time feels like the
Cavernous area of the grand
Canyon…that I can’t really
Understand or feel…
Life is for the living I know
Understand and see…
Aging stops the living, begins
The grieving of having to be
Satisfied with the life one has
Led…
In my living room
A quiet get away
From the noise
Of the football games
And constant cooking
And eating in the kitchen…
I miss the kitchen of my
Childhood homes
They were walk through
Eat in kitchens
But closed off from he rest
Of the house..:
The first house on B street
Was very large, eat in
With a country table
I remember the original
Ice box containing a large
Block of ice…
We didn’t freeze things
But it kept our daily needs
Cold…
We had food delivered
Or ran to the store as needed..
We had a restaurant swinging kitchen
Door from the kitchen
Into the dining room…
Loved that door…
While eating in the dining
Room you never saw the
Prep work in the kitchen…
Grandmas house was the same
Way…
Although when they remoldeled
I think they removed the door..
Doors that swung both ways
Could cause many accidents..:
But to me open floor plans
Give little solitude in a house
And break down meal time
As the kitchen is always opened…
Leading to constant eating,
Bingeing hi and mess…
My second house was similar
With a sliding door between the
Kitchen and dining room…
After years of not giving much
Thought to house layout I
Definitely have an opinion today
Although doubt at this age if
It will matter…
But my living room is my
Go to today on the cold, rain filled
And gloomy day…
I can see the neighborhood
Outside, a see leaves changing
Colors, squirrels running around
Collecting and storing food…
It’s a place to chew my ice a
Bad habit that has appeared
Again as I’m suffering from
Anemia…
And no one yelling at me to stop
Chewing…
I meditate, think and quietly talk
To MD&B in my mind praying
They are where I believe God
Cares for them as our faith
Teaches…
I trying to pray for those who
Have offended as God teaches
He is the judge…
I wonder why I’m told
Where we need to go but
Never asked where I would like
To be and see…
Therefore my needs I realize
Are a priority only to me
And therefore find no need to
Plan or go as others determine…
Today
Really makes me wonder…
Ponder…
And Ask really…
Why!
Hubby
Cooks all day long
Uses every dish in the cupboards
Can never use the same glass
The same knife
Or the same spoon for stirring…
Me… I eat one meal a day
And it is usually fast food
So this morning when he started
Making stuffed peppers
Which I can not eat
He asked if I could empty the
Dishwasher…
I just laughed and went
On reading my book…
His passions require too much
Clean up…
And will never find me
By his side…
Retirement has its benefits…
Realizing everyone can
Do their own thing
Love keeps us together
But not hand in hand…
Mental acuity…
Connecting the dots-
Realizing the consequences
Of one’s actions and words –
Not realizing doing it the same
Way and not getting the right
Result must lead to a different
Method –
The decline is noticible
The frustration is noticible
The aging is showing signs
Of decline in both he and I –
He’s not handling it well nor
Am I…..
I’m Up 10 minutes
And he hasn’t stopped talking
I have’t begun talking
No need…
He leaves no spaces…
There are both
Light and blight
Each day and night
Yet sunshine gives the
Blight a shinier sight
Then the ghoulish fear
Coming with the dark
Of night…
Sugar plums
Dancing in his mind
And Christmas isn’t even nigh
But tonight
Thinking of me brings
Happy thought to his mind…
Early and younger years
Come in when we are apart
The thoughts that
Melted our hearts
When school and work
Kept us apart…
Now the needs of an elder
A love of early days
That let you wonder
Cries for you back again
I can only wait til the
Need is fulfilled
And the trip back home
Is part of the drill
To complete the needs
Of the other one waiting…
He…
Came to visit in my
Dream last night…
As daylight broke
My face was smiling
From cheek to cheek…
Jumping out of bed
I was about 3
He stood by the sink
With the cup and brush
In hand… this early morning
Was our routine…
He taught me how to make
His shaving cream with soap
In the cup a bit of water
And the twirling of the brush…
I was his honey bunch he was
My grandpa…
I love this time with him…
No one else was stiring
He left for work by 4am
After tucking me back in bed…
Today will be a good day
After spending this time
With him…
Only a dream
But oh so real
Wonder why he came
To me last night…
Yep, I’ll be searching Amazon
For that brush, soap and cup…
Why…why not
It will be a treasure to keep
Him near….
My heart is full…
Of Joy
Tonight…
Our past presidents
And their 1st Ladies
Have beautiful minds
Echoed in their words…
COVID and an ignorant
And self-center president
Almost brought our
Great Nation to a halt
By following dictators
Who care very little about
Their fellow man…
Tonight our sprits have been
Raised…
With the breathe of God’s Joy
Again instilled in our hearts
And minds
Pushing us to build on this
Experiment…
And foundation of our
Forefather’s
Democracy
Higher and stronger
Forward American’s…
We’re not Going Back…
Wow hot peppers cooking…
And I have to leave the house
Wonder if that
Could kill someone
With throat and lung
Problems…
Me thinks…
They protest
Too much……..
Spin and backpeddling
Occur when
Guilt sets in…
Chords…
The big discourse
This week…
He hates that I don’t
Wrap the chord the
Neat way it shows how to…
The neat way is for people
Who have too much
Time on their hands…
Like MRG…
On the other hand
Every time I use the sweeper
I see more electrical tape…
Wrapped around the chord
Where he must have run it
Up in the sweeper…
Then there is the fact that
I have bought 2 outside
Extension chords for
Our hedge trimer because
He chewed through 2
But now the new ones are in the
Trash…
And outside electrical outlets
Are blown….
Some how the way I wrap
The chord to put away
Is moot in my eyes…
Wow…
Hospice care
DNR seemed to be
Part of the topic today…
She hasn’t been eating
Was what I thought the
Problem was…
Aging is something
That takes so much
Of life away…
Today was sad to
See them address
This situation…
To say he’s unhappy
About the vice president’s
Pick is mild…
I mentioned last night
That would probably be the
Pick…
He’s kind of a good old boy
Although on the cusp of the
Age…
He also seems a bit bland
And un showy…
I’m not impressed
Yet
Okay…
Heard his speech
I love him
Hubby is warming up too…
22 years old…
And still as good as new…
Just a new battery and she’s
Purring like her normal self…
Bought her to celebrate my
Status of being a grandma…
My 1st grandson will be 23 in
November… Happy birthday
My little Miata…
One of his
Girls calls..
Off he flies
With carrots, celery and
A garlic…
She’s making something
And is out of the trinity
So her Super dad to the rescue…
He also has potato salad and a
Sausage sandwich in hand…
And of course he’ll get a piece
Of her Black Forest Cake….
My 2 chefs meeting and
collaborating today…
Has she planned this
To give me alone time…Hmmm
Mulching his triangle..
He’s been working on this when ever he can… Mentioning black mulch…out he ran to Home Depot for 19 bags of mulch!
I didn’t realize my input meant so much but it’s now covered in black mulch and I love it…
He does work to please even though he grumbles at times!
I wish I had his energy, I can’t blame age as he’s only 2weeks older!
It’s been years…
But before 2 of the most influential women in my life passed away…they both gave me the same instruction!
If a women ever runs for president vote for her!!! Vote for her!!! You’ll never realize what we went through as women being considered property and 2nd class citizens!
So now is the time!!
My mouth…
Is hard to keep closed
When I get angry
Words escape that even
I hate to hear…
My buttons get pushed
And my words ignite
The anger as the buttons
Seems to always be set
On high…
My pilot light is always
Flickering…it’s what keeps
Me alive..why anyone
Would want to push it
To high and ignites the heat…
I wish I could deride
Before the flash and burn
Of ugly language erupts…
Putting it off…
Why when I feel awful
I try to set up the test
My Dr. wants…
And can never get it done
Due to the over load
Of the hospital…
Today of course I feel
Great and wonder if
I really need to schedule it…
Of course I know
Tomorrow could be
A painful day and
Wish I had the test done…
Aging sucks
Trying to enjoy the good days
But know the bad days are
Coming…
Things…
Are taken for granted
Until they stop
Working…
Then the disruption
It causes your life
Is quite irritating…
Having a service
Person in your house
Having to find another
Place to keep foods
Cold and frozen
And not have icecubes
For your ice tea
Can really throw your days…
Thankfully we have a great
and a very
Kind, interesting and well
Educated repair man…
So the inconvenience has
Given us an education…
When he was asked by
His sister who lives in a different
country about Trump
Being elected last time
He said No, that wouldn’t
Happen…America doesn’t
Have that many stupid
People…obviously, he said
he was wrong…
I just hope they have wised
Up for this election…
Well said…
Hope the American people
Learned…
But I’m doubtful
As I know an awful
Lot of Jackasses…
Frowns
Seem to be the face
These days…
Not sure why
But happy faces
Are hard to find…
Trump trump trump
Seem to haunt
Our days
And we’ll be so happy
When he’s defeated
Come November…
I’m praying
On that day
That it be
A prison term
For Trump that will
Be the news of
That Day…
Beautiful day
Did a little yard
Work with hubby
Til Cicadas overwhelmed
My body and hearing….
I must have carried
A half dozen into the
House
And ran onto the porch
To shake them off…
Frogs are all around
And I’m not that much
Of a nature girl
So I’m staying in
He house hoping
Those bugs leave soon…
Respect your haters
I was once told…
She thinks
You are better
Than her
And it is her
Only way to cope….
So hold your
Head high…
Days
There are days
I don’t know you
And wonder how it
Can be
Then I realize how many
Days you’re now
Away from me…
There are buddies
There are family
There are people
I don’t know
They all have some
Influence
While I’m here
Waiting
All alone…
Your vocabulary
Has words that
Aren’t your own
And our life has
Definitely taken on a
Different tone
I thought retirement
Was to be…
Ours alone…
Truly Baffled
Trump
Lies
Impeached
Twice
Felon
34 charges
Republicans
Backing
The worst
Guy
Alive
A conman
Sham
Snake-oil salesman
He Shamed men
Who still back him
Does power
Mean more
Than their integrity…
How can their
Families not intercede
Maybe the upside
Down flag
Of Alido was
His wife’s sign
For help…
Who gives up
Their soul for power…
Obiously
Thomas
Alido
Jordan
Republicon’s
Who are also conning
Their followers…
Can our Military
Men and women
Back a man who
Calls them suckers
And losers….
I’m not judging
But their are many
People I don’t want
To be standing by
When the final
Trumpets sound…
Bullies
Belittle
Put down
Make themselves look better
But in whose eyes…
Usually their own…
It’s built in their DNA
If you see one
You’ll find
They followed
Another…
There’s a saying
In the Bible to handle this…
“Those who are exhaulted
Shall be humbled…”
I used to do it all
I no longer desire the work
At this age…
When??
Do you call it
Stop it
See it
And take a stand
Or walk away…
My answer
As soon as you can
Especially when
One realizes
They live by a different
Compass
Morals
Guidelines
Or live under another control…
The shorter
The life… ones glasses
Magnify to a slimmer
View…
No longer able
To look at the whole
Picture
But concentrate
On the pasts pertaining
To you
Realizing the specks of
Mortar are failing
And not being adressed
And fixed…
One can only repair
What is self owned
Or those asking
For help…
Words
Hurt
Cut
Destroy
Intimidate
Blur
Handicap
Choke
Disable
Wound
Restrict
Injure
And sorry
And Love you
In one word
Without action
Can’t repair…
Watching
Him make potato salad
Makes me want to stop
All summer holidays…
Cooking and
Eating
Constantly…
Leaving dishes in the sink
And stuff on the counters
Now wanting to make
Potato Salad…
Saying he has lots to do
But not in the mood
To clean up dishes and kitchen…
I’m not falling for that…
Not my mess
When he cleans up his mess
And is interested in something
Other than the kitchen
I will come in and clean
And scrub
Knowing the mess will
Begin when everything shines
And I won’t touch anything
Till my once a day cleaning
Begins tomorrow
When his attention is off
Food…
Have a torn meniscus and edema
And still don’t feel great after gallbladder surgery
At 76 these painful, sleepless
Nights are beginning to
Upset me….
18 hours
Home
Before first burned pan
And hot pepper’s
Burning
My throat…
Reset
To our life after
10 days back at home…
We both get used to
Being alone except
He’s with his mom…
And I’m alone
Dealing with our life,
Home and bills
And he’s keeping his
Mom company in her
Nursing home…
So reseting to constant
Talking, questions
, different
TV perferences
Different eating times and
Tastes cause some raised
Voices, impatient answers
And moving to different
Rooms to get our space back
That for 10 day increments
Were ours alone…
The only good I see out of
This 10 year living situation
Is it is preparing us for
Being alone as one of us passes…
I’m praying we both
Outlive his mom so we
Have some retirement
Time together before our
Memories don’t…
Remember each other…
Not
Impressed with
Impress nails
The moment I use
My hands the nails
Flip off…
Now having trouble
Getting Dash Diva’s
That I love
They stay til I
Remove…
Went to bed
Even though there
Was still a tornado
Warning…
I put my faith in
God…
Iced tea
And snowballs
My meal of choice
It goes down easily
And doesn’t
Require tums…
Yesterday passed
Without any bad news
But the fear was unbearable
For a few short minutes
Wondering what
Life could be like…
My thoughts on tomorrow…
Tomorrow will be
Fine no matter the
Outcome…
Time to think and
Ponder about this
Life at present…
Not here at a
Fearsome time gives me pause…
with more of the same
Not giving hope…
Handling
Situations
As the come up
With the same
Care and understanding
As given to me…
I know who I am
And what God expects
Of me…
Guiding me
To avoid heartbreak
And occasions
Of sin…
Leave me a text…
I’m on sabbatical as
You attend to your mom…
I want no direction
No chores… just me time
Alone…caring about myself..
Only me…
Nevermore
Cookies I love
Becomes hers..:
Only me
Never more…
If
No one is watching
Do they really care
I noticed it today
He at Wendys door
Me still in the car
Trying to get out…
At urgent care
earlier
With people all around
He ran to get the car door
And helped me hobble
In…
Funny how quick they forget
You’re a bit helpless
And in pain
When they think
No ones looking…
Raising
Your family and each
Leave the nest
Pursuing their own way…
Like we too left the nest
And went in our direction…
Different from theirs
Different from ours
Creating the life that
Makes them happy and well…
Stays longer than 3 days
Is an intrusion on them
And stress on us…
Our views are different
As is our lifestyle…
Another Sunday
In the books…
Seems like last Sunday
All over again…
Putting on a
Great burden
With words of inclusuion
Happening way before one’s time…
Using one
As the judge and jury
To carry on the torture
Of someone knowing
The beguilement…
Having no guilt
But the look of disdain
Is always there in the
Stare and voice…
How to be near
Without the fear…
Will always
Be the one …
who bears the knowledge
…therefore the hate…
A burden for both
one who knows
And one who deceived…
In the end does it matter
As one bears the lothing
… the other… the beguile…
I share
Very little now
My thoughts are negative
And gloomy
The end is on the horizon
And my mind
Daily
Spring 2024
Buds are popping
Winter brown grass
Has turned green
More dogs are walking their
Owners at a brisk step
As more dogs are
Passing their way…
You can hear the mowers
Cutting new grass
And chain saws
Cutting dead wood
As more arms and
Legs are on display
kids are looking
Forward to warm weather…
First communions and
Confirmation this week
As every spring
Graduations are coming
Soon along with Mother’s
Day and bands playing
In passing parades…
I’m working on taxes
Watching the world
Skip by on this warm
And sunny spring day
As April 15th will be
Here soon as with every
Passing Spring…
Reminders
Everywhere I look
Yet no one else
Knows or sees…
Things that hurt
As words said
Are remembered…
One carries
The pain
Another carries
The guilt
Of that long, long, long
Ago
Deed…
Re entry
After 3 weeks apart
You realize how different
You are…
I enjoy silence
He likes to talk
In minute detail…
His mind runs a hundred
MPH…
Mine is at turtle speed…
Food is like a vowel
In his vocabulary…
To him
Everything is urgent…
I’m a mañana type
Of girl…
So I’m hoping reentry
Will be better mañana…
Do I love you 💕❤️
More than you realize
More than you know…
Alone
Is not lonely
Not having to be anywhere
Say anything
Do anything
Not having to be there
When
Where
How long
Am I becoming
A hermit
A recluse
Or have I done enough
In my life
To take me
To the end…
Running, planning
Cooking, cleaning
Talking, doing
Doing, doing…
I have been so busy
Doing all my life
That I’ve lost … Me
Raised
With different values
Moral and beliefs
Make friendships hard to
Continue or keep…
Take a stand
Tell it like it is
Getting off the elevator
When your friends want to decend
Is what I listened to..
Commitment meant with
body and soul…
Not just lip service
When others don’t
Or a showy display…
Not afraid of namecalling
Humiliation when truth
Is being trampled…
Stepping in, standing up
Being counted on
Bring up many
Thoughts during this
Easter Week…
Nothing mattered…
Once she took her last breath…
Dust, mess, un maid beds
Her worries for her children
The dirty oven…
We all went on
We were stuck in place for a while
Expecting to see her appear
The minute we cleaned out
Closets
Gave away her clothes
And we did it on tippy toes
Worrying about her anger
Of us touching her stuff…
But none of it mattered
Life went on…
I realize how much
The stuff I have is just stuff
My soul is my treasure
As was hers…
Resting…
Enjoying my mini vaca…
Not in a hurry to start
Doing chores or
Redecorating…
Need some down time
After surgery and
Losts of tests…
Somewhere my
Get up and Go
Galloped away…
Where it went
I don’t know…
Everything has become
Too hard to do
Making a hair appointment
Creating a bit of
Chaos within…
Calling a friend
All overwhelm me
So its better
To just stay in…
Mass
Has many definition
So exactly how is
The radiologist describing
Mass…
Night …
Shadows in at the end of the day
With daylight having no more
To say…
Things done in light
Are not as tolerated at night…
The birds stop flying and singing
Their song
Knowing a predator may do them
Wrong…
Found new press on nails…
Easier to put on
Stays on longer
No glue required
My french manicure
Is now a perminent
Fixture on my hands…
Thanks to my
Diva Dashing press-on Nails…
Anticipation…
Of alone time is making
Me quiver…
Things I want to do
Fly through my mind
Things I should do
May again be put on hold…
Today
My heart it is a beating
In a fast, peculiar way
My BP seems ok
But my body is
Seeming to say…
Take it easy
Calm down
Everything is shaking
Within…
I feel an earthquake
Brewing
Yet know not where or
When
But something is
Erupting
Deep with in my skin…
Vulcanization…
Hope I spelled it right!
Just read about him on facebook
And thought it might be a good
Topic for my middle school
grandson to write about!
Since his mother lived in Akron
Ohio for a few years due to her
Dad working for Goodyear Tire
And Rubber and his-mom getting to
Drive the Blimp!
Sometimes
You have to wonder
What God has planned…
When the world is in
Such upheaval
Is He really seeing you…
Looking out my window
Watching the lives in
Our neighborhood go on
I’m feeling in limbo
With fear in my heart…
Adapting…
Trying very hard to
Adapt to the days getting
Longer…
Need to somehow reset
When I want to be in
Bed earlier…
My mind when awake
Hours become so trying…
Under a thumb
I’m realizing is not
Just a feeling of one
But felt by both…
Outside time is needed
Time alone…
Shared inside time
Isn’t working
As one unduz
What the other does
So the effort when not
Appreciated is stopped
Making us both unhappy
With the results…
One wanting to cook
And eat constantly
One wanting to eat out
Or not at all…
When there’s nowhere
To be…no schedule to keep
No routine…
2 begin to bark
At every slight annoyance…
And of course each has
Their own annoyance
And flashpoint…
The annoyances are becoming
Many
And the flashpoint
Coming quicker and
More often…
Bedtime is no longer
Soothing these
Prickly Pairs….
The road to 76
Has been a fast ride…
School, marriage , BA degree
3 kids, 2 businesses MS degree
6 grandsons and 12 years
Of retirement with the same
Man by my side…
He’s great
But
So am I…
Honestly, I feel like those
Years passed by in a blink
Of an eye…
Now retired I read and watch
Y&R and B&B…
Seeing my General Hospital
And All My Children Stars passing
Away…
When Did Magnum PI
Become Commish Regan
With that dyed hair and
wrinkles..
Went to our 50th HS Reunion
In 2015/2016… now we are
Reading the obits leading
Up to our 60th wondering who
We might see and praying
McGonigals won’t show up
With a picture of me…
Speaking of the picture, will
There be a yearbook picture
Or heaven forbid the white haired
76+ wrinkled old lady that no
One will recognize…
I better get out my glamour shot
And put it in my last travel bag
with…
My coffin dress, press on nails,
Jones Road make up, eyebrows
And the obituary so I go “my way“
Yes, I’m from the cusp of the
Sinatra years…
Must tuck in my Charlie
And Barney and my cell phone
And my last request for an
Electric connection attached
In the big box..:
So I can get in my last call
In case the coroner and
Undertaker are sitting
At the Brass Rail for last call
As Their hearing aides don’t
Work with their old stethoscopes
When they “think” I took my
Last breath…
And since my brother is gone
we won’t be playing Pop
Goes the Weasal waiting for
Everyone’s surprise as
He promised…
Wish it didn’t matter
Missing holidays
Anniversaries
Easter
Mothers Day
4th of July
Thanksgiving
But…
It says Volumes….
Presents and cards
Don’t speak like presence
Or lack of…
Between here & there…
Is a journey I’m not
Looking forward to
At present…
Although the timing
Is not mine to decide…
From early on my mother
Taught me end of life
Preparedness….
It happened to her just
As she believed and taught
Me to prepare for…
ours is not to reason
Why…
But only live, do and die
Always to God’s will…
The act of contrition is
Embedded in my vocal
Chords in silent prayer
And oral recitation, always
At the ready…
My only rapid preparation
That sounds quicker than our
Neighborhood tornado siren…
I never was a scout but a
Product of Catholic school
And an authentic Catholic
Mother…
But today I realize my closets
Are not in dying condition…
Why would this worry keep
Me from there…
Because somewhere along the
Way my
Mother’s teaching was tweaked
With others’ opinions…
Always have on clean undies
You never know when you’ll get
Hit by a car…
Your neighbor’s will be gossiping
Forever if you leave a messy
House…
So at 76…I’m following my
Mother teaching…
But cleaning out my closets
In case God is searching for a
Great and tidy housekeeper…
Although I ‘d be better in the
Choir….
She gave me a view..
Of life with a stroke…
Being so disabled
Not able to speak
Take care of one self
Relying on everyone
To exist…
She was trying to convince
Me of the benefit of
A Statin drug which having
Been on for 6 months
Made my life miserable
Couldn’t walk
Leg pain was unbearable
Couldn’t sleep
Legs hurt all night
So what can a cardiologist
Do when his patient won’t
Take the meds…
Ups and down
Throw me in a whirl
Never knowing how
The next minute might
Twirl…
Changes are made
Not to include me
Knowing the change
Will be a fiasco for he….
His mind is a tornado
Twisting by the hour
Causing us to constantly
Run around and scour
For something he left
And we cannot find…
As his memory is something
We seek and worry about
How long it might hide…
Retirement
Is not the life I imagined
When I stopped working…
12 years ago
At the same time
Taken over…
Dementia began
And our life has been
Daily phone calls,
More calls about bruising
Two weeks a month
He goes back home
To be with her round the clock…
His life is no longer mine
His responsibility and love
Has now become his work life..:
I’ve become withdrawn…
Say it…
Claim it…
Don’t raise your voice
To defend
It’s right…
Mad
Writing when mad
Is sad
For the writer
Worse for the reader
And unending
To the future
When put to paper…
My heart aches today
I know not why
Although our world is in
Great strife and turmoil…
The greatest commandment
Jesus said is to love
God…
And your neighbors
As yourself…
When Lord I pray
Will we follow…
Help us
Before we blow up
This world…
Gallstones
The Ultrasound showed
Little buggers that
Cause great pain
And brought my life
To a quick slowdown…
What do I eat
How to ease the pain
Until The culprits depart
On January 22nd…
No fried foods
The Dr. said or anything
Else that brings on
The pain…
You’ll know…
Afterword there will
Be pain she uttered
Especially in your shoulder…
Great…
Christmas time
By the time I was working
To buy my parents a big
Gift…
They were Dead!!!
My heart aches at this
Time of year for over
50+ Christmases…
