Always catch up on all the movies I would have loved to see on the big screen with you.  But you’re not the movie buff that I am and I’m not the sports fan that you are.  I picture us curled up on a dark quiet night watching the movies, I love.  You do try to watch but usually fall sound asleep and I do the same watching the games you love.  Magnets…opposites attract…That’s us and the attraction gets stronger daily and that which is opposite keeps us our self and not changing into someone we didn’t fall in love with but staying the same starstruck couple we’ve always been since our eyes met. Loved you then, now and always.  Nothing on the outside has ever affected that. You’ll have to watch the Lakehouse someday and you’ll understand my melancholy.  Also the book Persuasion by Jane Austin.

Because my neck is killing me.  I know last night I was getting worked up because you were leaving for another week but the only thing you were fixated on were the teeth.  Looking, looking, that seems to be all you do. Looking for something always. This morning it was your wallet.

Oh yes you did ask to come to McD’s with me…. I was excited….to stop by the carwash to see if your teeth were there.  Thought to be with me.  For someone who goes months without wearing those teeth (remember your class reunion?)  Remembered your shades but not your teeth.  No teeth at your check up, no teeth in Mrytle Beach because Dononan said that’s how he knew we would be back because papa left his teeth…  Ring, ring, hello, no teeth at carwash, keep looking while I’m gone.  Right just what I’m going to do.  I’m trying to forget those teeth and let my BP drop and get my house back in order after your scavenger hunt for everything you can’t put back where it belongs.  So Today,  I’m going to get my toes done.  Your teeth will have to wait til you get home.  I understand you want something you can’t get your hands on but I’m not it.  I’m yours and am here NOW! Hope this isn’t a lesson for later.  If you’re reading this it might be and hope my time hasn’t come. Ouch, just ran to the bathroom and rammed my toe into your computer that you left on the floor.  I’m not sure why I feel I’m writing this for a later date.  Frightening

You had both sets on Fathers day. Yesterday it was your guns.  Is it the age or are you just not thinking.  I feel like my life has become a continual game of hide and seek. Hide and seek.  Teeth, shoes, golf club cover, gun, and keys and that’s only this week. When can I quit playing this game?

 

Standing over the Cherry Pie you baked and taking sliver after sliver not seeing the calories in those slivers.  Lucky for me I don’t care for Cherry Pie or I would be packing in the calories too.  But this pie is all yours.

Is she kidding?  I have been suffering from awful pains in my legs day and night for almost 3 months.  Did the necessary blood tests and they say my cholestoral has gone up and my good went down.  So now the Dr. wants to double up.  I just can’t do it.  The leg pains are telling me that the meds and my body are not coexisting well, and probably doing damage to my muscles.  I’ve been doing research and have found that every cell and system in our bodies need cholesterol and as we age like everything else our systems and cells aren’t operating at top levels anymore.  PD is prevalent at this age and the brain needs the cholestoral more than ever. Statins are not good for PD patients, they have lost dopamine and the loss of Cholestoral in the brain could be another strike in this situation. Some research says an elevated level is needed in aging.  I’m not ready to get on this statin phamecutical gravy train ride until more research on the aging  brain and cholestoral’s part in protecting it, is more clearly known.  So for now a substitute needs to be prescribed for this aging brained lady with known SVD or White Matter Disease.  https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/02/140224204806.htm

 

Is not a fun way to live at this age. Making mountains out of molehills is a ridiculous method of solving these problems.  Who’s right and who’s wrong is not a method of solving situations.  Spending time with someone when she has more attention then she has ever had compared to leaving her alone days on end waiting for something to happen is an unacceptable method of solving a solvable problem.  As long as two can’t see the answer, the problem will continue to affect us all.  Leaving control to one who doesn’t realize the discontent, bewilderment and angst caused is a futile waste of time and life for all involved.  Time is precious and dragging ones feet is just delaying the inevitable.  As an outsider which has always been my place, my opinion is neither wanted or required even though it affects me in every way.  I wait with no say until something is said that seems to make me the evil person.  Age has made me realize to stay away from, and not care about that which I have never been a welcomed part of.

Being in a nursing home recooperating from a bad fall is so much better than being at home alone.  She’s gain weight since the food is so good and prepared for her.  Since she is unable to put weight on her leg she is confined to the bed or a wheel chair. Another benefit of this stay is she has a roommate therefore not alone all day like she is at home. Being home alone should be the time for worry.  Falls have been the big problem along with trips to the Dr., haircut, grocery etc.  At the nursing home all these things can be taken care of without putting her in jeopardy.  Hopefully by the end of summer this whole situation will be resolved.  There are more people up here with us and no one back home with her. Things need to be resolved in a more logical way but is hard to do when logic isn’t the basis for decisions.

 

My retired groom suggested we go for a ride somewhere.  Ok I was up for that.  How about to A&W for a root beer float?  I searched online for the closest one and it was 21 miles due West of us.  Oh he said let’s just go to McD’s for an ice cream cone.  Really? You consider that a ride?  Yes he said because the Pirate game starts in 10 minutes.  Is there ever a night that some team isn’t playing some game that my retired groom isn’t interested in?  Well just as well, there’s a weather alert going across the TV right now saying a severe storm is on its way.  Putting a damper on our ride and the game.

I worry about you so much as you are torn between watching over your mother and wanting to be home.  I can’t imagine the constant conflict in your heart as we lost my parents so early in our marriage.  I remember my dad wanting me to stay at home after mom died and after 3 weeks dad said I want you to stay but your place is with your husband and I left but we came back every other weekend not so much for dad but for Lynne.

Our time together will be split until your mom can see that being up here will make life so much easier for all involved.  I don’t think she will ever see that and I worry and pray that God keeps you safe during this struggle in our lives.

Love to be curled up on the couch next to my retired groom as he plays music videos on his laptop. The music brings back memories and the house is just peaceful and calm with just the two of us growing old together.  Having to be apart at this time on our life is heartbreaking and so this time of peacefulness is just what we need. After his stressfull week away I love that our home is his favorite place to be and home is where I am.

Too hot outside today.  Watching 007 movies.  Skyfall is the one on now but I like Pierce Brosen better then this man.  I remember going the a marathon weekend at college when the movie theater showed all the 007 movies with Sean Connerey I think there were 5.   Ate alot of popcorn and since our dorm rooms were not air conditioned it was a great way to keep cool.  These Bond movies weren’t made yet so I’m catching up.

I think I like the old movies so much because they remind me of going to the Columbia Theatre with my mom.  Today’s movie, Love is a Many Splendor Thing is just one of those movies.  I think the song hit the charts before the movie came out.  My mother used to dance around the house singing it.

Some afternoons mom and I would walk to town and get lunch and then go to the movies.  My brother and sister were in school so I must have been 4 or 5.  I remember less about the movie as I did about the majesty of the Theather.  The beautiful staircase that lead to the balcony and the restrooms that I just always had to see on the pretense of having to go. The pop corn and the candy was the other treat.  We went on the days the cleaning lady was there so my brother and sister didn’t come home to an empty house, although my grandfather was usually home by 4 pm after work.  We lived with my grandfather in his house.  I think we lived three blocks up the hill from downtown, our church, the school and a couple blocks farther to the movie.  I usually feel asleep during the movie after the popcorn and candy.  At home, during dinner we just told everyone we went shopping and we usually had bags to prove it. The movies were mom and my secret. The old movies bring back these memories.  I can hear her heels clicking on the pavement as we walked up State St.  We always stop at church to light a candle before heading home.

Three months on the statin drugs and my cholesterol has elevated. Really??  Oh some of it went down,  the good cholesterol dropped a couple points but the rise in the bad off set it.

I had decided that I would get my blood test and upon seeing the drop in numbers, would try lowering the numbers in a more natural way by eating better and losing weight.  The statin drug gives me such pains in my legs that I feel just can’t be good.  So until I talk to my MD I’m at a loss.

Are squeaky clean.  I always wondered what that meant and since I bought my Floormate by Hoover for hardwood floors I now know.  After using it, my floors squeak when I walk on them.  This machine is a lifesaver.  I can’t mop my floor anymore and now this machine scrubs then squeegees up the the water and then blows the floor dry.  I ordered it and figured I would try it out and be disappointed.  But to my surprise I am thrilled with it.  Thrilled!!!!

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Gone tomorrow.  Time sure flies.

It takes me away from the worries and fears of today.  The Daughter of Union County and the Kitchen House are 2 of the books I read this week.  I didn’t pick them for any other reason then they were free to me on Kindle.  Not expecting to be drawn into a free book, I was pleasantly surprised. Both books ocurred during the days of slavery along with the oppression of women.  Men owned slaves and they also owned their wives.

History of the 1700 and 1800s was the actual time period and the author developed each character to such an extent that I was feeling their sadness, joy and hardships.   The extensive discriptions of each and every place almost made me feel part of the community as I watch the characters lives unfold. Each book made me realize how lucky I didn’t live during this time period as my temper and independance would never permitted me to survive in such a oppresive era.  Although if I did I’m sure my dad would have reared me to be the same person I am today.

Washing that grey out of my hair. It’s been a month already! Hope my brain isn’t turning as white as my hair and so quickly.  But from 2 MRIs over the past 8 years my Dr. says it is.  It’s called small vessel disease.  Wish it would clear out the bad memories instead of making my good ones cloudy.  HBP causes the SVD so I take the white pills to keep it down.  Trying to stay cool, calm and collected so washing out the grey is one step I take every month along with the pills.  And then on to Zanos for a haircut.  A good haircut always takes some weight off my shoulders.

I wish I understood downtime.  By that I mean times when I feel down.  Not wanting to dance and sing is understandable but not wanting to get out of bed is another.  Thinking of how much time is left sure eats up that time and yet I constantly count, hours, minutes, seconds until I can jump back into bed and the aches and pains stop.

Or is it?  Now in late life I realize the meaning of the word and realize I have lived it all my life. What you see is what you get is another way to describe an authentic person. There is no pretention no front.  You seldom think about what is going through their mind when they are with you. They jump in without reservation or worry to  what others may think.  An authentic person doesn’t need permission. Most times their instincts and gut reactions are true if not right.

Nothing special about today or yesterday, HUBBY and I just worked on the outside of our house.  Trimming bushes, dividing and replanting a few perennials and getting our patio ready for summer cookouts or just sitting and enjoying the view.  It was just the two of us together that made it such a great day.  The give and take of helping each other work to make our home as beautiful as we can.  Will miss him when he leaves in a few days to be with his mom keeping her company as her broken leg and wrist heals.  Tomorrow the front porch and planting flowers in pur patio pots are on our agenda for another day of togetherness.  Love how he stops every once in awhile and tells me that this is what he bargain for when he married me.  And I have to say, so did I.

Seems to change our togetherness behaviors.  One is left alone to take care of the homefront while the other travels and takes care of family responsibilities. As our time away strenghtens our individualities it breaks down our togetherness.  Attitudes are adjusted to those of others and don’t work well between the two.  Retirement adjustment took about 5 years to where our personalities began to mesh in a loving and fair sync.  But extended times away seems to invade on the delicate balance of give and take to where our individualities begin to take the lead again.  It saddens me that the pressure of family responsibilities put such a long distance between us at this time of our life.

But unables one to view through a lens with more understanding. Discerning reasons for actions, words and attitudes that never appear through the rose-colored glasses of youth.  A younger lens often distorts the action to appeal to the viewer while the lens of age peels the layers of decite covering the truthfulness of many movements of lip and tone.  Aging gives the heart a thickened layer to absorb the pain that in youth would cause a break. Aging is the armor over youth.

A sunny day doesn’t always make one happy.  So many things can happen on a sunny day that can really bring one down.  Illness, expectations and words to name a few.  These three things have mixed and really put a damper on my mood.  Sometimes I think people demand too much, think too little and speak when words can’t explain actions and feelings.  I find it sad that one can justify actions by stepping on another’s goodwill and feelings to satisfy their own wants, needs and entertainment. Playing out a mood caused by another and making plans without even a thought of someone not included can cause another hole that again becomes unfillable.  Rationalizing is the norm in these instances.  Loudly declaring one rights and needs only leads to withdrawal and melancholy of what a wonderful day it could have been.

Yesterday was one of those days. Everyone has an opinion of what they think is the right thing to do and of course what we do seems to be the wrong thing.  It seems that what we do is judged and measured and rated according to how they live and how and when we fit in.

My stomach is tied in knots over what we can do that meets with everyone’s expectations.  We try to live this part of our lives, that should be a life of more freedom and throwing our fate to the wind, but many seem to have opinions on how these days should be lived. After raising a family and doing everything we could to fulfill our responsibilities to the best of our abilities, our freedom days have now become an inquiry of how much time we spend where and with whom.

I think its time to cut the land line put wheels on our life and take off without others determining our destination and pit stops.  We’re traveling the last 10 years of our life according to the Insurance Companies who no longer want to insure our lives because were a bad risk.  So in my opinion we need to fill our tank with gas and follow Jo Dee Messino’s advice and flip a coin. Heads Carolina, tails California, throw out the rear view mirror and never look back. This retired couple needs to do the Honeymoon of our lives with room for only two.

My backyard is resembling a swamp. The mowing hasn’t been my thing since he retired but due to his mom’s accident I’m trying to get it done.  FIVE SWIPES and then 3 Advil and sit down to rest. FIVE more swipes then water and sit down to rest.  There has been so much rain that the wheels of the mower are sinking and that part under water just can’t be mowed.  So happy our son came to my rescue and finished mowing. Retirement has made me a bit overweight and inactive and things I used to do easily have become a real chore.

I don’t think I’ve had a good belly laugh since he left.  It’s been more than a week and I’m a laughing girl but no one makes me laugh like my retired groom. From the moment I wake til my eye lids droop his antics and words just crack me up.  Whether he’s cooking a dish he’s never cook before or doing his daily stretches, he constantly narrates every move or ingredient added  until he groans with pain or surprise. I’m always asking if he needs a bandaid or an ambulance.  I feel like I’m living in a cartoon as he reminds me of Fred Flinstone or Baby Huey.

And when my retired chef is not around, the easy road is the track I always jump on.  Ice cream, cookies and cake with some Coca Cola on the side. Oh and did I mention Cheetos and cheedared baked lays potato chips as a chaser.

I do eat a spinach salad every day for lunch which I hope off-set a few of the munchie calories and fats. Without my foodie cop arresting my bad food habits I’m pretty sure the good stuff won’t jump in my bags on my grocery trips to the 7/11. Hopefully on my next food run they won’t have any other goodies appealing to my dark junk food side, my hips just can take it.

On a side note I did buy 3 scratch lottery tickets for $3.00.  Gained no calories or winnings.

Seems to wash away the horror of the day before and half a world away. Yes it’s in our mind but because it is not on our ground or piercing our skin it’s only a slight hurt in our hearts.  I pray that God has mercy on those of us not suffering from this new explosion of hatred that has reigned down on the innocents at their time of play and excitement.  Forgive us for not praying enough for those whose names and faces we don’t know or love in our hearts personally.  His heart aches for all His children today those physically gone and suffering as well as the rest of us who don’t realize that it’s only a matter of time as this hatred inches closer and closer.

It is at this time that we need to remember the resurrection of our souls that Jesus came and died to award those who Love and Honor God.  The end of suffering and the beginning of new life with God has occurred again in the most saddest way for those left behind.

History has always been something that I thought we only studied but, through living, we have seen it come to life in vivid colors over the airwaves.  I didn’t live during the civil war, the two world wars, the depression or the big crash on wall street but today from the 1950s forward history has been occuring before my eyes.  The good, the bad and the ugly as people continue to forge, change, replace, and continue our living history, encyclopediaing it for the future as our forefathers have done for generations.  My history spans the presidencies of Eisenhower through Trump with both the political parties of my father and and my friends.  Today I hear many praise the same presidents that in my view are undeserving and lambasting those I see as real heros.  Of course this is the basics of the democratic society, as the pendulum of history swings from one party to the next.  Personal history seldom make the history books as individuals strive through the political atmosphere, using those aspects that help and complain about those that don’t benefit, yet cost hard earned dollars just the same.

Back in our hometown, life unfolds among the tombstones of our family cemetery.  There,  remembrances engraved in concrete or marble, resides our families, friends, schoolmates, to teachers and neighbors who have formed the characters of those tip- toeing through.   The grass covered ground of this final resting place is bumpy and hard but the air is fresh and quiet as the sun shines and the wind blows.  Coming to this hallowed ground as a child, holding my father’s hand, reminded me of going to church.  He pointed out the names of my grandmother and others who like Jesus didn’t exist in my world, gone long before I entered.  Standing and viewing the number of tombstones that have multiplied in number from those days of visitations, I realize this is where my past exists and my future will travel. This is the neighborhood of my life and the place where I will take residence sometime in the future.  It will be the place where my own will tip-toe thru hoping to feel my hugs, hear my laughs and shed tears for the times together that we shared.  As dad taught me, they are not here but only their remains, that we miss.  The soul resides in eternal rest and in the hearts of those who love us. Like in life the bodies of saints and sinners reside together as the body is weak but the soul is resilient and everlasting, rising or decending according to choices and mindset.  The body is the vessel chosen by God to prepare the soul for unending life of glory or damnation. The body like the caterpiller is only the shell to protect, steer and deliver the soul until it releases its final great breath to the butterfly.

 

 

Today’s colors would be a mixture of ebony and azure with splashes of cream and scarlet to intensify the mood.  The pallet changes with the passing of the hour as hope or despair enters the landscape.  Each day becomes a post-it note until added to the canvas at the appropriate sequence, descriptive of the feeling and intensity of the moment. Calling up a splash of yellow, orange or red would indicate the hope with each fleeting tick of the clock as day and night pass into eternity and smudged or fixed in its place on a small portion that depicts now and becomes a small piece of the all.  Stepping back and viewing ones life as a whole brings together all the snippets that create the Monet of ones’ purpose and existence in the overall masterpiece of life as painted by the Creator.

Questions with one word that can never be answered in the same way asked. Whenever asked, these questions always entail a longer detailed explanation. Once asked they continue with the same what, where and why over again until the answers and questions spiral into an emptiness of whatever, wherefore and why not.

It’s supposed to be colder tomorrow so golf may not be his thing on my only free day.  By free day I refer to my time alone without being asked questions, given facts, showing how, fixing, finding and listening to his TV stations and thoughts on everything from Trump to sports.  So I’m hoping the TV weatherman is wrong and will update his forcast to a free day for this retired bride.  Please!

Funny.  Today my retired groom asked what type of lightbulb I thought he was. Since I’m left-thanded he knows what to expect from my observations.

Honey I said, I would decribe you as a 3-way bulb.  DIM on somethings, medium on others and extremely bright on others.  And over all very well rounded.

He seemed very satisfied with my thoughts.  We didn’t get into wattage or lumens.  LOL

Is a trait that needs exercise in my daily life.  My mother stressed the need to be prepared, prepared for the worst was her thought.  I understand that she was preparing me to cope with what life holds but it also doesn’t create a positive or happy outlook.  Mom felt that preparing for the worst would shield you from the shock of the worst happening and give you the skills to readjust quickly rather then wallowing in the actuality. One learns much from their mother and I learned much from mine.  I feel this preparation for the worst has served me well as I encountered her and my father’s early departure and needed  to absorb the shock and move on quickly as a young mother of 4.  Though out my life I expected one outcome but was prepared for the other because of her wise training.

Including those in my life that had my back and steering clear of those who care little for me or mine was another acute teaching.  She informed me that many people could be an occasion of sin if I followed their evil ways or actions or values.   Instruction was a daily education tool for her with life, religion and viewing people who would stop me, hinder me or fault me.  She had a keen eye of people and kept her thoughts and opinions within her family rather then gossip.  She was a believer of silence in public if a comment wasn’t nice or polite.  But within our family her comments were quick and exact as to the conduct, words and actions of others, usually like most mothers. Today my mind always is intuned to these instructions even though my father tried to candy coat some of her harsh predictions.  Being happy and positive was not an overly emphasized need as she believed the road less traveled and unpaved built character while the easy way was the lazy way.  As this retired bride is finding her way through aging expecting the worse has eased my mind as things have turned out better than I have expected.  I guess I am well prepared for catastrophe and am pretty good in an emergency but have little patience for the small and irritating daily normal of life like poison ivy or the price of gas or interest rates since at the end of our roads it’s the most important things in my life that our Maker will judge me, not my unmade beds or dirty dishes or money in my pocket.  Looking through my mother’s instruction book called Mother Love, I understand from where her thoughts and teaching came.  Inserted in each of her teaching moments was also the need to pray for guidance and when all else failed ask God for help and trust in His intercession.

Left home a few days ago to travel to my grandson’s nursery school graduation. The House was clean when I left but now the cycle of unpacking, cooking and cleaning begins its never end of spinning.  The grass grew therefore needing cut brings clippings onto the floors and carpets.  Poison Ivy erupts and the need for treatment with more trips of washing hands and arms dirtying more towels and creating trash to be empty.  Then there’s the daily or twice daily showers involving more towels and the need for turning on the washing machine and dryer enacting the need for folding and putting away. Then bedtime creates more dirty clothes, messed up bathroom, beds unmade to be made again and so it goes. Up again, food cooked, hands washed, trash made, bed made etc. The treadmill of life still running in this retired couples life.  I’m thinking assisted living is starting to look good.

One of the first charms my mother bought for my charm bracelet that was a big trend back in the day was a Worry Bird.  I think I was 12.  My father tried to get me to stop worrying about things beyond my control but beyond ones’ control is the reason for worry.

Today as retired parents and grandparents our control is only in the form of guidance. We are now the older generation, trying to accept and keep up with the technology, ideas and new educational guidelines. Guidelines that have been installed in a school system that is far from the basic human needs and knowledge that has begotten today’s world inventions and scientists noted and quoted from generations past to present.  Kids need to have a childhood that is informative and carefree that sends them into the future with a good self image and fearless integrity.  Raising kids today gives parents a need for more knowledge and skills than just a good job and basic cooking ideas.  They need to have eyes in the schools where there children are being bullied and many times overlooked by a school system and teachers who are more intuned to regulations and meeting standards that address their job security and monetary advancements.  Leaving no child behind was just a political statement rather that a moral trend.

Retired life leaves me much time for worry.  I realize now how many times my eyes rolled as I explained to my parents some of the issues I was facing. Therefore to keep from causing the rolling eyes I try to listen more with less interjection of- well, when I was parenting- in order to think of some guidance I might be able give my kids at a less intense time.

God has told us in the scriptures not to worry about tomorrow as tomorrow will have it own problems.  I think I paraphrased His words a little.  But in order to realize my ability to keep my worries at a manageable limit I have been trying to keep my thoughts on today’s issues and give God tomorrow’s problems in case He decides tomorrow isn’t in this retired brides future.

Our youngest grandson is still drawing and has turned his 50 plus pictures into a flash card game for his retired papa and retired grandma.  Trying to figure out the picture is one trick and then remembering his discription as he flashes the picture in front of our eyes is keeping our memories alive and sharp. With each new edition of the game he draws 5 new pictures and the flash card game begins again.  This has been going on non-stop for 3 days and I now can remember all the pictures but I’m sure his next edition will stump me again. This would be a great game grandchildren could play at nursing homes.  Keeping their lonely grandparents laughing and engaged as they try to remember these unique visions of a 5 year olds ideas on paper. This is a table with 2 chairs one of his easier drawings to interpret.

Today, I spent the morning with our daughter and grandson and it took me back many years.  As we were going from store to store my grandson would talk or make requests preventing my daughter and I from having a clear conversation.  It brought me back to the day she greeted me at the front door of her childhood home with half of her front tooth in her hand and the other half appearing jagged from her smile. And with tears streaming down her face she said,  “you went to the Mall shopping without me and see what happened.”  She has reapeated this many times to me through the years but not today.  Could it be that she now understands that mom’s can’t be everywhere and sometimes need to shop alone.  But I do wish that day I took you with me.   But the broken tooth did not hamper your smile or beautiful looks in anyway.  Nor did it change the beautiful laugh I love hearing.  Thank God for great dentists and sweet girls who forgive their mom’s who sometimes need alone time..

Our grandson loves to color and draw. During our weekend stay he drew, drew and drew.   Each picture he presented us he went into great detail as to what the picture was.  Some explanations I could see immediately but others had me searching around for similarities of what he might have seen and transfer in thought to paper.  His ideas range from sharks in fountains to cakes and helicopters.  Each new vision he draws make me realize that my retired groom and I may be witnessing a Picasso in the making.

 

 

What is the meaning of appointments? It’s a time that something happens, not around the time, not after the time but the exact time, on the dot.

What is meant by the saying “When in Rome do as the Romans do?”  It means when you’re spending time with other people and in their lives, you do what they want to do or have scheduled.  Like a graduation, a party, a dinner or a ball game.

Both of these things have great meaning to me.  When an appointment is made every effort needs to be made for an arrival at least a half hour early not after the invitees have taken their seats in the auditorium.  A not at the last 2 minutes of the ballgame.  To me, arriving after your invitees have left for the function or arriving at the end of a player’s game for no other reason than your lack of punctuality, should be a sign that your not interested and the invitation or the appointment needs to be turned down or cancelled.  When something like this occurs in the same weekend one’s BP raises to unhealthy levels and for one’s own well being needs to be re-thought as  to attending with my partner.  In the past I went solo but hoped with aging my temperment would bend or my partner would understand my issues that cannot bend with certsin things and try to see the reasoning behind rages.  As the time is growing dimmer with age, my hope for my retired groom is to see the light before my answer to his traveling requests will be the only sane answer.

Today, and I dont know why today, but as I drove through our town around 3:15 pm I became intensely aware of everything.  Every movement, kids, adults and all colors unfolding around me.  The windows in my car were closed and there was no sound only colors, people, cars and everything in constant movement.  My eyes and mind were taking in an abundance of stimulation that had absorbed my breath and altered time in my view. Things appeared in slow motion as I watched a trolley of sunflower yellow turn the corner.   There was no noise from honking horns as this line of colorful cars appeared as dots and dashes of all the colors of the rainbow, stagnant and then rainbow stripes as the traffic slowly began to move.  At the red light farther down the street, again time stood still as I watched kids walking, jumping and running as they just got out of school.   They were all dressed in every color that you’d find in a 64 pack of crayola  crayons. The one common element on each moving body was a backpack.  The younger kids, girls and boys had colorful ones and the older kids’ bags ranged between black to kayki green.  75 % of the kids were texting on phones and the calamity of shoes were even more colorful and variegated with a neon or awkward height wedge scattered in the mix.  The sky was baby blue with white puffs of cotton floating by as clouds.  The oddest dressed person was a girl on the college campus around the corner and up the hill from downtown. She had on a midriff T-shirt in black with black speckled short shorts and black knee socks that  climed up over her knees with black strappy wedged sandals finishing the odd combination..  The boy she was with didn’t seem to fit with her exotic outfit. My exact discription of this couple occurred because they were in my view for an extended period of time as I was stopped at one more redlight. As I continued up the street my eye caught a view of the smalled dog that look like a black and white bull dog that I would call Spot.  The middle aged couple leashed to the dog were wearing big grins and dressed in drab beige.  I don’t recall how I got home other than I felt a pull to a destination but was only aware of the blue sky, the floating clouds and the smell of brilliant green grass.  Sitting in my car I didn’t realize where I was until the view of my opened garage door caught my eye.  The time that passed from the River walk to my driveway seemed like a dream.  And I’m not absolutely sure this vision was true or just a daydream or if I really left my driveway at all.  Today at this moment this episode of time was magical. I hope this retired groom’s wife experiences more views of life in slow motion inhaling God’s beautiful creation.  Life is short and time speeds by and stopping to smell the roses is not over rated.

Today is another landmark in the lives of my retired groom and his bride.  48 years ago today he and I were on the road to the beginning of a family that would immediately take us on the adventure of our lives.  We thought that marriage was the beginning but that just joined two very in love self absorbed  people that were now opening their hearts, their home, and their lives to the most loving and beautiful baby we ever saw.  As we drove to the little civil war hospital that looked like Robert E. Lee could still be a patient from the outside, we were both excited and too happy to be fearfull. That day I was lucky to get to the one and only delivery room that the hospital had, before the 6 other women who delivered at almost the same time.  The room was small with only room for me, two nurses and a little space left for the Dr. to squeeze in when he arrived. Fathers -to-be didn’t seem to have a place in this holy room of birth even though they were part of God’s plan of new life through His miracle of conception.  But my retired groom didn’t wander far.  The nurses told me they watched him pace and at times stand with his ear to the door that separated us, with his Brownie Camera in hand hoping to document what he could of this wondrous day.  The nurse said he heard me cry out (no epidural back then)  and then asked them what the noise was and they told him my water broke and new life was on its way.  They said he went down to his knees, they thought in prayer, until he heard a baby’s cry.  The wait wasn’t too long.  Thinking the process from walking in the front door to your arrival was no more than 2 hours.  I can’t even imagine how he reacted to seeing his child.  When they brought our little girl into us the tears flowed and he could barely see through the lenses of his camera to get a picture. There we no hospital pictures back then either. We were over the moon and today 48 years later as I think about that day and all the days of our lives with you, I know that God’s love and graces where given to us in abundance in you.  This was the beginning of our totem pole. My retired groom holding his retired bride and now his little girl up in thankful praise to God.  As we have aged our totem pole has risen even higher with my retired groom insuring our safety and care with his strong and loving foundation

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET SUSAN!🎈🎁

FYI. The Dr. Charged $150 for all the prenatal care and delivery and 4 days in the hospital $150.  I think dad paid all in full as we were discharged from the hospital. $300 total.  Unbelievable today but I think I have the bill somewhere.

Hopfully history will forgive the American people for putting the future, hopes and dreams of all, in the hands of a self centered, twitter happy idiot. Waking each morning to a new ego ranting or non-presidential tweet makes me feel we’ve handed the wheel to Ahab, a monomaniacal captain, whose only concern is for finding Moby Dick. In this case Moby in this president’s mind is the biggest, the best, most loving, glamorous seniario of love and attention to build his already over-inflated ego.  He thinks, like Ahab, in his narcissistic mind that he can enact his will and remain immuned to the checks and balances of our democracy. Muntiny, IMO, should soon emerge in the form of Impeachment and sooner then later before this unhinged captain damages or worse, sinks and renders our Nation less than what our forefathers and verterns have given their lives for.  God Bless America

Today is just another day in my monthly saga of washing away gray. Brings to mind the movie South Pacific and Mitzy Gaynor singing one of the pictures great songs, “I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair.”  But in this case I’m changing the word man to gray and then singing and dancing as I work this new color into my head.  The color this time is a bit darker than my usual Champaign I have been using.  Since it’s coming up summer and I have a convertible the sun tends to turn my hair white pretty quickly.  So I now guess I’m not sending gray on its way at this age in my life but white.  I will be getting my hair cut today and the beautician will say that I have colored over that natual color many of her customers are dying to get.  The problem is the women trying to get my natural color are 30 and 40 years younger than me. On them my natural color looks stylish, smart, quirky and cool.  On me it enhances my age.  My age is okay with me, I just want to have that stylish, smart, quirky and cool look for my age. Not the just old look that the color gray brings to mind.  I do get a high when people can’t  believe I have a 48 year old daughter.  I do and I’m proud and happy I do but I still get a high from people who don’t believe I’m that old. It’s the same feeling mother’s get as they get carded  buying alcohol or cigs if their teenage kids aren’t with them. It’s a much better feeling then when your 6 year old asked how old she had to be today as we were purchasing tickets at Disney World’s ticket office about 40 years ago.  That was when my hair was a dirty blond and my body was still bikini able and ready.  NOW since a bikini would no longer hug my curves but gets lost in my overly inflated curves at least I can still “Wash that gray right out of my hair.”

After much reading this morning I’d have to agree that no church can align with one party or the other.  The left have many ideas that are not godly and the right also have views that are not Christian.  The churches of this country must continue to take the high road and follow the teachings of God not the retoric of politicians.

As I peruse the issues of the left and right I realize more than ever the reason for being stained in a red or blue color.  In my view of the prism of color, red is a more harsh stain and blue is a softer hue.  Therefore I see the church as the pure color of white that should stand brilliant and clear above the intrusion of the staining red or blue.  If the church does not remain in the cloak of our baptism then our churches will become a murky color with no clear and brilliant view of the purity of white. The American people even though colored in red or blue are always striving for the purity of white.  Should the church ever align with the color holding the presidency it would lose is voice of truth and clarity and the colors of America in our flag would not stand out with clear resolution of the American way.  We as American people strive for the stars and the white keeps the red and blue bound for the benefit of all.  God Bless America.

Today, as our President met in the Oval office with a Russian Ambassador and only permitted the Russian news reporters  to report on the meeting, is a very dark day for our country.  This president just gave priority to Russia over all the American people. NOW THAT TO ME IS GROUNDS FOR IMPEACHMENT.  There is something rotten in this President’s heart and mind. God help the US under this dishonorable man.  This is a huge treason by our president.

These soaps make us change the channel and get a reprieve, from the news and views of all those who think they know.  Their knowledge creates a soap of their own, with what ifs and who knows and where will it end.  The heads are still talking as the hour of soaps slowly ticks near.  I’m hoping the Newmans or Fosters will have an effect to take me away to the beach or even bager land and keep the name of Trump out of their fantasyland.

That our days are spent worrying. Worrying about the state of our country that is putting everyone on edge. Worrying whether they will have a job, whether there will be a war, whether they can pay their bills or be able to afford their children’s ills.  The talking heads go on and on from the midnight hour to the early dawn.  Our president seems to be playing a game to give himself more and more daily fame.  I find that every one has a view, depending on the left or the right’s message they spew. As Americans we can’t just sit back and pretend not to care or there will be others that will gladly take over the freedom we share. We so worry about this President Trump whose ideas seem to be dragging this great nation into the dump.  How can we let our land and our law’s, be rescinded because they keep big money from plundering our land.  Our National Parks and our clean fresh air cannot be diminished in favored of big business fares.  The stock market and capital gains cannot be more important than stopping acid rain. The Love Canal cannot reappear in any way, shape, or fear so that companies don’t have to pay for their waste that they used to spill and bury all over in haste until our government installed  the right bans.

Today we need the checks and balances that our fore-fathers planned; the Senate and House need to take a strong stand and hold the ground before liberty, freedom and justice fall down.

Our road trips, since our retirement, are becoming more frequent and I enjoy the time we share without the interruptions of normal everyday life namely; mowing grass, paying bills and the hourly updates of the stock market on his computer. This trip we spent almost a week riding the hills of Pennsylvania. Starting from our hometown of […]

via Clothes Make the Man — The Retired Groom

My retired groom was leaving to pick up his glasses when he huffed back into the house.  He said my car caused him to hit the refrigerator in our garage and put a dent in his car. How would that happen?  Your car has been in the garage all night and my car hasn’t been moved.

Well then he said he was backing out and the garage door started coming down.  He had to hurry up and step on the gas so the door wouldn’t come down on the car and he hit the refrigerator. Why was the door coming down?  He guesses he hit the garage door’s remote. Oh, so my car did nothing?  No, but probably!  Good example of Blame and Complain.  Put the blame on J—  is the song that comes to mind.  Another hysterical evening with my retired groom.  LMAO…

 

I’m not good at listening especially when someone is preaching their views, even if they are the same as mine.  I enjoy conversation but not a speaker talking and not letting you interject your opinions or objections to thoughts as one speaks them.  I’ve paid to be educated and even then want my questions answered and my objections heard.  I have never been good in a classroom where the instructor felt only his voice needed to be heard.  I was not brought up under the rule of “children should only be seen and not heard”.  My father was always very interested in my thoughts and I was always interested in his thoughts on mine.  To me if there is no give and take in conversation then the person speaking is doing a soliloquy or is only interested in his ideas and opinions.  Being a wall is not a position I have ever taken in life nor do I see it happening in any view of my future.  In the quietness of love I think the honest and truthful speak and are heard.  In the need to be heard beyond what is actually necessary IMO reveals a self center being.  These thoughts are not new in my life and as my attention span is decreasing with age I feel that my life needs less noise and more love and prayer.  This presidency is not sitting well with me.  It is making all desperate with their opinions and very irritated in their daily lives lashing out with constant verbal abuse.  I feel this president will get us into a war to cover his wrong doing.  He and his staff are acting like animals backed into a corner by firing the FBI Director  This is a sad day for our country.  The House needs to get to the bottom of this, quickly.  History is repeating itself:  I’ve lived through this Nixonian senario before.

He talks to his mom at least twice a day and I’m in awe of his patience with which he listens to her same stories over and over again.  I’ve been relieved of this daily chore as many would call it as my parents have been gone over 40 years now.  He never sees it as a chore and enjoys hearing her laugh as well as enjoying laughing at her crazy ways of expressing herself.

I envy the love he has in his heart not just for her but most people who have a special place in his heart.  He is a very Christian person who sees things through a specifically sharp loving lens that make my view seem very cloudy.  I hope through our 24/7 retired life together that he keeps cleaning my lenses with his special potions of love and tolerance.♡♡♡♡

Even though there are three distinct parts of government with checks and balances, my retired groom and I are bewildered with the slowness of this investigation.  Even a hint of Russian involvement in our government should be a poison that is found immediately and flushed out or dispelled. Government should come to a stand still until such allegations are brought out and cleared or prosecuted. Why isn’t extreme vetting part of the process in the election of a President.  It should be the 1st step in becoming a candidate for this revered position. Today, to get a job you have to take a drug test, your credit is pulled and even tax records have been requested. These things should not be a shadow following the highest man or woman in our government.  IMO we should have an amendment that demands extreme vetting of candidates running for this most important and influential office with the keys to nukes. May God Bless and Keep these United States safe as we slowly find out if our President is or is not who he should be.

Depending the topic on the morning political talk shows, the mood for our Sunday morning is off to a good or bad start.  This morning with Ryan giving a typical stump speech rather than answering the questions posed by Stephanopoulos my guy was hollering at the TV.  Since I’m his only audience I take it personally even though I agree with him.  Funny how the outside still affects this retired groom and his bride.

My retired groom wanted to make a bet on the Kentucky Derby today but he didn’t have any cash.  So I emptied my purse of all my cash gave it to him and he won.  One bet on the winner and one exacta bet. He went back to the off track place and cashed in.  Then he paid me back double what I gave him.  I’d say I made a good investment in him and doubled my money to boot.

This morning my retired groom decided to look for horse races leading up to the Kentucky Derby.  He found the web site and is now watching all the State horse derbies that have lead up to the running of today’s Run for the Roses.  Love how he has made the internet his University of Continuing Education.  He is trying to make his bet on the derby as educated a guess as it can possibly be before he heads for off track betting to actually lay his money down.  We were planning on betting on the one-eyed horse before he watched the Louisanna Derby and Patch was nowhere in the running. He must have come in last.  I enjoy watching and seeing him try to determine his bet.  This retired bride’s bet will still remain Patch, the one-eyed horse. Why? I’m a long shot kind of girl. If he wins, my bet will pay more.  That’s as educated as I need to be.

Wait… There’s an Irish War Cry in the group?  Ok I want a $2.00 bet on this one too.  A name with my heritage is a bet I can’t pass by.  Not an educated bet just a whim and a vote for my Irishness. Now if he’s left-hoofed all the better.

Of course this brings back memories of another Kentucky Derby Day that I don’t think my retired groom or his retired bride will ever forget, when the winner was disqualified.  Who could forget the day Dancers Image won.  Not me!!!!!!!!!!

Well at least it’s not raining but it sure is chilly today.  My retired groom was up early and pretty eager to hit the links this morning.  How he enters the house, when he’s done, gives me a pretty good idea of how his game was without even knowing his score.  I wish we could golf together but I don’t find much fun or relaxation playing when people hit into you or think you are playing too slow even though there are 2 foursomes ahead slowing us down.  I don’t think people believe in golfing for relaxation.  It’s just another thing on their to-do-list and  play like the faster they get it done the better.

I was in a 9 hole golf league about 6 years ago.  Your day was either off to a good start or became a drag depending on who you got in your foresome.  Being the scorekeeper for the league you heard it all.  I wish women would just come right out and say they don’t want to play with certain golfers.   Golfers who were in their late 70s and very slow but could kill the ball once they got up to it. Or girls who couldn’t stop talking, wanting advise about what club to use or what dry cleaners was the best in the area.  Or golfers like me who had a 32 handicap.  They would say this is a friendly game for all.  Well just get in a group with someone who has a 2 handicap or has a tight 3 hour window to play and the tension is unreal.  I think I could relax more driving my Miata at Nascar then with women who think they are Arnold Palmer in a skirt.

I think the most fun day of golf was when all the women were talking about the guy who was laying in the high grass, in a suit and tie, just watching us. Little did I know until I wlikeas walking off the green and heading to the last hole of the day that the head of white hair popping up over the high grass was none other than…. you guessed it… My Retired Groom although at the time he was still working.  He said he just couldn’t believe I was actually golfing in a league, so he had one of the rangers drive him around and hide where I couldn’t see him.  I’m sure the next week many of the league members requested not to golf with me when they found out I had a stalker.  Little did these women know that this stalker has been following me all my life.  You know the old saying, “He chased me till I caught Him!  I’m pretty lucky I’d say since we’re married and he’s still stalking me.

This chore is really hard to do.  He likes to golf and I don’t.

1/2 hour before bed I take all my meds. I usually am in bed an hour or so and the pain in my legs start.  I usually have to head downstairs for Advil to alleviate the pain.  Tonight the pain is so bad I feel like there is a tight pulling  in my left leg all the way to the arch of my foot.  If I walk I feel my foot is going to break. Now all my toes in my left foot are filled with pins and needles. Hoping this doesn’t travel to the other leg and that the Advil clicks in soon. Blood tests and then I may be changing these meds. My retired groom doesn’t seem to have this problem with his meds.  He is sound asleep up under the covers.  And I’m  awake with such painful legs and wondering if these meds are really poison by prescription.

$1.00 subs.  Customer appreciation from 4 to 8.  Stood in line for about a half hour.  The wait was worth it.  No kitchen to clean up.  The tuna sub was great. Retired HUBBY got something else, I was busy eating as we didn’t get there til 7:30 and I was starved.

That’s what I got done today. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Why?  Well I did have plans but the weather was so bad that my retired groom’s golf got cancelled.  So as he sits and watches CNN and anything Trump, so does his retired bride.

This was the phone call I got today.  Yes, I know son we got the letter too.  He’s 75.  We knew he was going to retire. Yes, it ruined our day too.  As this letter makes the rounds alot of people are going to be upset.  When a dentist is this wonderful it’s hard to let him go.

Today we got a letter in the mail that was so upsetting.  Our dentist of over 30 years is retiring.  Don’t get me wrong we’re for retirement but the faith we have in our dentist is hard to give to someone else.  It’s almost like the letter said the Catholic Church is retiring and we need to find a different faith.  Yes, our dentist has been slowly turning his patients over to his successor that he sold his practice. But as nice and qualified as this sweet guy is, letting someone else into your mouth is not political it personal and faith based.  In 30 years I have never been in pain and my mouth is full of filling, root canals, and caps.  When we have a problem he has been there.  In my mind, heart and soul, changing religions would cause me less anxiety.  Damn this letter has caused me a toothache.  Thankfully I have month to get in for my lifetime checkup or teeth pulled and dentures.

Ok we’re 69. What did we accomplish this quarter?

Travel… Yes, once this quarter- Mrytle Beach

Taxes ….paid

Car…paid off today.  In Q2 but I said this was late.

Health… Ok.  Colonoscopy in January and again in February.  Another due in 4th quarter.  Still need pounds off both of us.  Dentist retiring getting ck ups now.  Still need mammagram.

Religion…Trying to prepare for the entrance exam but have missed a few lectures.  Hopfully we have more time to cram.

Family… Kids…ok.   MIL…ok. Grandkids..ok  Rest of family…ok

Bucket list…Not on paper, we’re not long range planners and since the actuaries don’t give us more than a decade it’s probably a good thing.

Money… Still have it, despite investment firms trying to get their hands on it and real estate taxes creeping up.

Q2 in June.

So he can hit golf balls.  Playing golf tomorrow before his dentist appointment.  Always overbooks himself.   You always hit the Ball great when your alone.  Good luck.

How to get me moving.  Today he let me sleep in and went to 8 am Mass. Brought me home a sweet tea from McD’s and then started cutting up strawberries. Let’s have strawberry shortcake for lunch since we had such a big and late supper.  Really???

When did he ever request strawberry shortcake?  Never!  I’m up off the couch looking for my ingredients.  Then he laughs and said boy do I know how to get you moving!  Yep, sweets will always motivate me.  So here’s to you my sweet!♡♡♡♡♡

 

Lunch has never been so sweet with my retired groom.

In my honest opinion the only thing Trump has accomplished is to be on TV everyday since his election.  He thinks of himself as a movie star and his office as a daily sit com in which he’s got the starring role.  His only accomplishments is getting more TV coverage then anyone in history.  Someone needs to ground him to the White House, take away his media devises and make him get down to business.  Let’s turn the cameras off so he stops looking for the spot light.

He calls and wants to go to the fishing store.  You say sure.  During your outting he confides in you his problem with bullying.  Why would anyone bully such a sweet,  handsome and truly loving kid?  Feeling comfortable talking to you and looking for your guidance on how to handle the situation is heartwarm and heartbreaking at the same time.  Knowing he can call you and you’ll be there is the best right now.

Oh no.  He’s thinking the carpet needs vacuumed.  I know I should be thrilled that he loves this chore.  Its just that my ringing ears have gone down in decibel levels and when the sound of the vacuum get close the tintinitus goes crazy.   I wonder if our dogs had tintinitus?  It would explain both of our dogs going crazy and barking whenever they saw my retired groom heading for the sweeper.  I know I’m on the verge of barking so I hope he gets finishes before the noise causes me to bite.

A day doesn’t go by that we don’t hear a tune and say “remember that song?” The songs of the 50s, 60s and 70s create a slew of memories each time we hear one on the radio or on a TV commercial.

Our first kiss?  “The Shoop Shoop” Song in my girlfriend’s driveway, was playing on the car radio in his dad’s car.

His prom-“A White Sports Coat”-  he came to my house all dressed and brought me a stuffed animal.  I was younger in school and the school didn’t permit sophomores to attend.  Plus I was really sick.  MONO. Felt sorry for his date as he talked to me on the pay phone outside the gym most of the night.

The Beetles. –  Got out of study club early and walked together to a friend’s house to see them on the Ed Sullivan Show.

Lightning striking again-   Wait?  Really

“Suspicion”- were we ready to be tied down just one boy/girl?

STOP in the name of love!- We decided.  You and me and nobody else.

You’re like a bouncing ball. You come bouncing back to me-  break up, make-up.

JANE- by Jefferson Air Supply.

Funny Kind of Fellow –  Got my mind made up about you.

“What time is it?”- Anticipation of our dates.

“Too Young to go steady?”  -wrapped his class ring on pink angora.

My Old Kentucky Home…  no bet made this weekend.  Dancers Image won and then disqualified.

“Take me out to the BallGame”..  we outlasted a few stadiums.

“Try a little tenderness”-  Remembering you singing your version of Otis to me.

Will add to this list as I hear the songs that stir the memories.

We’ve been together a long time.  Our wedding day was almost 50 years ago and we have known each other probably 56 years.  I so worry that someday soon the Good Lord will see fit to take one of us to our forever home leaving one of us behind.    My memory is beginning to fail me some, so putting our daily escapades into words will keep our love alive and close in my mind and heart.

If I leave first I want him to be able to read about our road trips, our days of interactions and my love for him so he never forgets the love in my heart and soul that he will always have and the happiness that he has given to me on a daily basis.

So Pudge if you are reading this, I must be gone.  Know I left with tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart that will only be relieved when we are together again. I really can’t remember life without you.  You are my soul my heart and most of my mind. We have nine wonderful human beings on this earth created because of our love.  So if you are missing me just go look at them and see my love staring back at you.  You and I are a part of them and they are the greatest part of us on earth.  My eyes are tearing up and Donovan is asking why I’m crying so I must stop this excerpt now but will continue later.  I’m feeling our time together is slowly dwindling and will end sooner then either of us expect. My love for you is even greater then our glorious times in Erie.

Will continue later.

I stopped and cleaned my car after driving 8 hours before coming home. I’m sorry.  My car was so dirty and covered with bugs I just couldn’t stand it.

What went through my mind when he said “I have a confession”?  Great…He did bring me home my favorite candy and it’s still in his car.

It’s funny the thoughts that go through my head when he feels guilty.  He knows I was waiting all day for him to come home and he feels guilty.  But I didn’t even notice he was late.  I was catching up on Netflex, the episodes of Scandal I missed.

But love that he felt guilty and thought I noticed he was late.

It’s Friday night and he’s been making eggplant parm for the past 2 hours.  I’m not sure why he has such a passion for eggplant but once he starts making it he’s glued to the kitchen.

I have never seen anyone make such a production out of cooking something like he does this recipe.  I just continue to watch the news, Hawaii 5 O and now Blue Bloods.  He mustn’t be starved as this dish has no appearance of being close to being done.

It’s a darn good thing my retired groom is crazy about me and loves to cook, or someone with a good casserole of Eggplant Parm might be able to find a place at our table.  NOTTTTTT!

Neither of our parents got to enjoy this post-children, post-college and post-career era that most couples work toward.  My parents didn’t make it to their 34th Anniversary and my mother-in-law was widowed by her 40th.  Our children are grown and well on their way with homes and children of their own. Our financial responsibilities are completed and time is our own.  We are blessed to be heading to our 50th and in good health.

Working on our bucket list although it’s not actually on paper, long range planning has never been our thing.  It took a little time to adjust to the 24/7 togetherness and our roles at this time in our lives, but I think we’ve been ironing out those kinks in the road on a daily basis. Although bed time and whose car are we taking today come up in a bit of an adversarial scenario daily. I’m not looking forward to the day we decide to be a one car retired couple although my Miata will always have a place in our garage.

Our house keeps us grounded and I don’t see that changing in the too near future.  But unloading some of the clothes and stuff that We have accumulated in our closets, garage and basement are a constant conversation that seems to be going nowhere.

Hopefully me and my retired groom will be able to ease in to forever, without the abrupt kick in the pants over the rainbow my parents got.

Hey maybe that will be this retired couple’s new Irish/Hungarian Blessing.

“May you ease into forever without the abrupt kick in the pants over the rainbow that our parents got.”

Or

“May we get to use all the Social Security $$$$ that we paid in every pay check for over 40 years plus the interest it should have earned.” Especially since our parents never got to use their government investment.

I am not a dollar store shopper but his mother is.  On this trip home he took her to the dollar store and found some of the things I love.

I can’t believe a bag full of English Lavender soap and Secret deodorant would melt my heart.  These two things in the surprise bag means he thinks of me and the things I love and do.  I can never have enough of this particular soap.  It makes our house smells good.  I put it in my drawers, in my couch cushions, under the pillows of my guest bed because it’s soothing and a wonderful smell.  And to find these smaller containers of my only used deodorant in 50 years is wonderful. The little things he thinks of and brings home to me just warms my heart and makes smile. My retired groom gets a big kiss and I’ll forgive him this time for forgeting our hometown Philadelphia Chocolates.

That is until I try to call for an update of your trip and I get no answer on either your cell or car phone.  Then I realize you are doing what you love to do when you travel– talk on the phone.  Thank goodness for Bluetooth.  When I finally get through you tell me you have another call coming in from Richard. Forgot how much I hate those phones when we travel and how you have always keep in touch with everyone now that they are coming right through the rear view mirror.  Will stop worrying about you now because no matter where you roam you always find someone to phone.

While you’re gone I’m meeting my baby sister and her little granddaughter today for lunch. Boy time flies.  I remember carrying her home from the hospital and now she has a granddaughter.  Hope you’re looking down on us today mom and dad and see that you’re baby is doing great. I hope this retired bride and her groom continued raising her the way you expected.  I know of all your kids she is the gold medal of your accomplishments.  I hope your early departure wasn’t to hard on her and that we filled the gap with enough love a guidance.

Love when we talk on the phone and he gives me his where abouts with restaurant locations.  As he left our home town today he said the pizza church was loaded for lunch. Yes, I know exactly where he is.  There will be 8 hours of updates during this long rainy day trip home.  It reminds me of our college days when he used to hitch hike 8 hours to see me.  I grabbed a bus and headed his way on a few weekends. That was before cell phones so the anticipation of arrivals were more stressful.  Now I can call his cell phone or car phone and get an updated ETA. 50 years ago I would just wonder how far he was and worry if he was ok and how long before I would see his handsome face.  The years have been good to us and I still can’t wait to see my retired groom’s handsome face and his big smile when he sees mine.  Is this Love?  Yes, yes it is!

Forgot to disarm my alarm today and it went off.  Scared the Bejeeses out of me. As I headed to turn it off I could smell what seemed like a camp fire. Where have I smelled this before?  I think it was when my other lamp started to smoke. Ok so now I’m on the hunt.  Did my alarm go off because of smoke or because I didn’t disarm it?  Is it the lamp or is it the socket.  Or is it just my smeller?  Wish my feller were here cause his smeller is so much better.   But wait.  I’m getting closer to the smell. There must be a wind blowing that is coming down the chimney.  As I open the glass doors on the fireplace the smell is really strong.  I think I found the problem.  We need to clean out the fireplace.  Another chore to put on my retired groom’s “Honey Do”… List.

Had one last night and it made me dizzy. Now today’s Aura is giving me a headache.  Just can’t believe there’s nothing to do about them.

Trying to get this off my everyday diet but it’s my caffeine of choice.  Today I’m heading to 7/ 11 to get one 20 oz bottle. Everything takes time.  A few days and my mind just thinks about having a Cola.  Not any Cola only Coca-Cola has the taste I need.  I should be in a commercial the way I’m hooked on this soft drink.  My grandsons all know they can get a Coca-Cola here and if they know all my hiding places they will find some chocolate too..   Only a Coca-Cola will get me moving today.  Thank God this retired groom’s bride doesn’t smoke or drink anything with alcohol.  Coca- Cola is my downfall.  Not a fountain Coke with ice, only the ice cold 20 oz bottle has the right  mixture of carbonation and syrup for me.   And let me tell you it’s hard to stop craving it. They call me the Coke Lady at 7/11.   COCA-COLA it’s the Real Thing…  Ahhhhhh, you know the feeling.

My eyes are dozing but I just can’t go upstairs.  The news scares me when your not here.  Dreamt that I was in the hospital, alone and I didn’t have any ID on me so they didn’t know who to call. Then I realized we come in the world alone and leave alone, that scares me. Going somewhere without you scares me.  I guess, in case you didn’t notice I don’t roam far from home or from you. It’s always you who roams and I know it’s always been necessary but some how now that we are coming to the end of the road I’m afraid we won’t see each other again.  It was bye mom and poof she was gone. Remember that?  Bye and 3 days later she was in the ground.  This time of our lives gives us too much time to think. Someday we’ll kiss goodbye and poof all the memories will be up in the air and the string that we have held onto all these years is beyond our fingertips.  The Manor House, the Oasis, Berea, Reynolds all of it will be like faded pictures that can’t be restored. It’s 2 AM and I’m eating a can of Early Garden Sweet Peas and missing you sooooooo  much.

What did I Do?  Slept in a little,  just felt exhausted and woke up refreshed. Taxes done, sealed and mailed.  Senior discount papers sent in too. Also applied for a part-time/part-time job at something I think would be good for me.   By 5:30 pm I got 8000 steps in and now I’m on the couch watching Fixer Upper on HGTV.  Love this program. Would move to Texas in a heartbeat if they could do a house for me.

Hope your day is going as good as mine.      XOXOXO♥♥

 

It’s 3 AM and I’m awake. I guess you aren’t the one who wakes me at this time every morning.  We live on the train tracks and they roar by every morning at this time.  Since you’re with your mom I realize I’ve been blaming you for the early wake up call when all along its been the Burlington Northern plus a freight train that shakes our bed.   Maybe a cup of sleepy time tea will get me back to sleep.  Ok now there’s a small plane overhead and another train and someone delivering the paper with a bad muffler.  Trains, planes and automobiles and the clock now struck 3:30 AM.  Wow this is a noisy place at this time of the morning.  Miss you.

When he’s gone, there’s not to much to do although my grandson and I worked on my little car and I gave him a driving lesson on the stick shift. He was so excited. Bought the car a couple months before he was born so both he and the car are the same age. He really did well and I laughed everytime he stalled.  Thought it would scare me to let him drive but he is a joy to be around.

Hoping my retired groom is having a good day.  After being together 24/7 on vacation for 2 weeks, seperating is a little upsetting.  Will be glad when he’s back in my arms again.  Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone.

His mother didn’t  sound good on the phone today so he is on his way back to our hometown.  He and his brother make this trip once a month so she can stay independent and living in her home of twenty years. The gated community has been a wonderful place to live and she has friends that keep in constant contact.  She has become more confined as driving is no longer an option although we been told she’s been seen behind the wheel at the community mailbox. But with little traffic in this gated neighborhood it gives her a bit of freedom to get out and be in control.

As the days roll by she is becoming more irritated and confused and her two boys call her throughout the day to keep her engaged.  But today she’s more upset than usual so the 8 hour drive is required to stock up on groceries, help her pay bills and get her in to the Drs. to make sure that a cut on her leg is healing.  She’s been through a lot, widowed at 57, broken hip and fractuted pelvis in the past 5 years.  Age has slowed her some and made her more afraid of venturing from the house but she still manages her day to day pretty well.

Hoping his visit  and the spring weather will get her in better spirits and on the mend.  While he’s gone I will be cleaning out closets, working in the yard and getting the porch and patio ready for summer.

That’s how this retired couple rolls.