Missing holidays

Anniversaries

Easter

Mothers Day

4th of July

Thanksgiving

But…

It says Volumes….

Presents and cards

Don’t speak like presence

Or lack of…

Is a journey I’m not

Looking forward to

At present…

Although the timing

Is not mine to decide…

From early on my mother

Taught me end of life

Preparedness….

It happened to her just

As she believed and taught

Me to prepare for…

ours is not to reason

Why…

But only live, do and die

Always to God’s will…

The act of contrition is

Embedded in my vocal

Chords in silent prayer

And oral recitation, always

At the ready…

My only rapid preparation

That sounds quicker than our

Neighborhood tornado siren…

I never was a scout but a

Product of Catholic school

And an authentic Catholic

Mother…

But today I realize my closets

Are not in dying condition…

Why would this worry keep

Me from there…

Because somewhere along the

Way my

Mother’s teaching was tweaked

With others’ opinions…

Always have on clean undies

You never know when you’ll get

Hit by a car…

Your neighbor’s will be gossiping

Forever if you leave a messy

House…

So at 76…I’m following my

Mother teaching…

But cleaning out my closets

In case God is searching for a

Great and tidy housekeeper…

Although I ‘d be better in the

Choir….

Of life with a stroke…

Being so disabled

Not able to speak

Take care of one self

Relying on everyone

To exist…

She was trying to convince

Me of the benefit of

A Statin drug which having

Been on for 6 months

Made my life miserable

Couldn’t walk

Leg pain was unbearable

Couldn’t sleep

Legs hurt all night

So what can a cardiologist

Do when his patient won’t

Take the meds…

Throw me in a whirl

Never knowing how

The next minute might

Twirl…

Changes are made

Not to include me

Knowing the change

Will be a fiasco for he….

His mind is a tornado

Twisting by the hour

Causing us to constantly

Run around and scour

For something he left

And we cannot find…

As his memory is something

We seek and worry about

How long it might hide…

Is not the life I imagined

When I stopped working…

12 years ago

At the same time

Taken over…

Dementia began

And our life has been

Daily phone calls,

More calls about bruising

Two weeks a month

He goes back home

To be with her round the clock…

His life is no longer mine

His responsibility and love

Has now become his work life..:

I’ve become withdrawn…

Claim it…

Don’t raise your voice

To defend

It’s right…

Writing when mad

Is sad

For the writer

Worse for the reader

And unending

To the future

When put to paper…

I know not why

Although our world is in

Great strife and turmoil…

The greatest commandment

Jesus said is to love

God…

And your neighbors

As yourself…

When Lord I pray

Will we follow…

Help us

Before we blow up

This world…

The Ultrasound showed

Little buggers that

Cause great pain

And brought my life

To a quick slowdown…

What do I eat

How to ease the pain

Until The culprits depart

On January 22nd…

No fried foods

The Dr. said or anything

Else that brings on

The pain…

You’ll know…

Afterword there will

Be pain she uttered

Especially in your shoulder…

Great…

By the time I was working

To buy my parents a big

Gift…

They were Dead!!!

My heart aches at this

Time of year for over

50+ Christmases…

May change

Life as I know it..

God’s Will

Be Done!!!

Bought new snowblower

Just in time

But snow’s only sticking to grass

Not concrete …

So the engine and blades

Won’t be moving today…

That I’m not cooking

No dirty dishes to clean..,

There’s no company coming

I’m going their way…

The kids have their families

And I can always drop in

Yet I sit here watching

The Macy parade

Wishing I was a kid again

With no other worry

Then will I get to sit at the

Dining room table

Or will someone older

Get to this year…

Long story short

The leg and muscle pain

Caused me to shuffle and fall…

On my last cruise I felt

I turned 90…

I stopped taking them in December…

I can sleep now without the pain

And now its only my knees

That affects my walking at times…

I realize that I have high cholesterol

But I’m 75 feeling well

And know losing 50lbs

Would make things easier…

Yesterday a post on Pinterest

Awakened me…

I can eat right, exercise daily

Reduce stress, drink water

But… I’ll still die…

Witnessing my MIL

Aging at 95 and

My dear friend so lonley

And alone at 95

I’m not planning on

That lifetime…

I’m living today my way

Without the “poison by

prescription” as my uncles

Both medical Doctors

Said of

All chemical meds…

Every action has a reaction

One has to decide if the

Action is worth the reaction!

Some are sunny

Some cloudy

All created

By He who loves all…

Too many in this marriage

Even at this late stage…

The kids are always on our mind

On our phones

Same with his mom at 95…

Seldom alone

When the phone rings

From his brother

About his mother

Then the home

Making excuses

For the latest

bruise

Or they need help

Calming her down

As they are so understaffed…

Travels home

To be at her side

Leaves both of us

Alone and low…

That’s what her friend

And neighbor feels

She’s observing daily…

Some call her the “Real”

Energizer Bunny…

Watching how well

She bears her cross

Of PD over the past

15 + years makes me

Understand God’s

And a mother’s

power

Of putting her children and

Husband above and

Beyond her life altering

Detour…

How could her husband

And sons’ not succeed

In all they attempt

As they witness the determination,

Faith and absolute will to not

Let this handicap and pain affect

Their life and her mission

To do and be the best she can…

They succeed with all spark plugs

Oiled and running smoothly…

She continues to succeed with

An arm and leg slowing or

Stopping yet forward she continues

Daily and hourly….for them….

I’m in awe

Her birth was a blessing

9 months after my own

Mother’s death…

I feel she carries my mothers

Faith, will and love that were

Taken from her chilren

At a young age…

Thank you God…

Thank you Mom

For keeping her strong,

Motivated and thriving

In God’s Grace…

May the cross lighten

That she carries

As she continues on

The marathon of her life

With me always cheering…

Now…

Stuck in ears

causes constant tears…

Never heard such a tone

In the voice

Now morn

Words said…

Questions in the mind

Make thoughts wonder

Negatively…

What to know

What to think

What to do

Stay

Go

At this time

Questioning

Why…

PEACE

The stuff packed for

A 3 day fishing getaway

Amazes me…

More

It turns me off from

Traveling…

Can’t imagine being

Stuffed in a car

With so much…

2 poles should do it

But 4 are packed…

Why…

Are the fish so unique

That they require

Specific poles…

So why not take them

Think not…have them

I’m sure is the thinking…

Life has given us all

Too much when one

Is all that’s needed…

And plenty is never used…

Aging make me realize

The abundance we live

With… when

Less makes one more

Appreciative of what

We have…

Aging make me realize

The goodness of God

And the Capital sins

Of his believers

Not trusting in

Him for all we need…

Just my ponderings

In my aging soul…

We are apart

It a tough situation

For a retired couple…

But family responsibility

Continue even As we

Are aging

Constantly looking…

Today he came home from

Walmart and couldn’t find

The cool whip he bought for

The frozen pumpkin pies

He bought for Thanksgiving…

Then he couldn’t find the

Roast Beef…

It’s ocurring more daily…

Then he found the

Roast beef under

The front seat of the car

Why?

He was eating it on

The way home…

But the cool whip

Has never showed up…

When you speak

But you see in their face

That they aren’t listening…

Seem to be daily

Not understanding why…

Is not my holiday..,

It’s cold today

And windy…

The door bell ringing

Will wear thin after

An hour.,,

I’ve become a grinch

I know…

I feel there is more advertizing

Then programming…

There are anywhere from

Three to 6 different

Ads at each break…

Magazines are the same…

More ads fewer good

Articles…

Everyone is getting

A bias education from

Those they like to see

And hear, only buying

What is advertised by their

Favorite channels…

One sided views on

Politics and issues…

One side wanting to

Erase history, take women’s

Rights back to the 1800s

And decide what religion,

Race and color is right,

Worthy and God’s chosen…

I’m thinking they didn’t

Hear what JESUS said

Were the greatest Commandments…

Love GOD and thy NEIGHBOR

As thy SELF..,

What could be more clear…

Why are so many DEAF!!!

Is on the rise again…

Disappointed that Grams

Nursing home is behind

On vaccinations…St Pauls

Is good but this is an

Awful glitch…

These most venerable

Should always be first…

An outbreak of 10 so

Far and maybe more

Today…

They are already so

Understaffed…

Sister-in-law picked it

Up there and now down

With it…

I’m staying in…

Without you…

How many more will there be…

You there

Me here

Not the way it should be…

Asks my little red rose growing all

Alone…

They are starting to slumber before

The winter frost…

Your beautiful color stands alone

Among the beautiful fall follage

Bursting into color all around…

You alone are keeping a beautiful

Ray of summer blooming

In my yard

With the hope of more

Beauty to spring

Forward in months

To come…

Amazes me…

But then would God

Do it any other way…

The small yellow leaves

Seems to turn first

And are pushed to the ground…

Then the beautiful glow

Of orange and red follow

many of the smaller bushes

Showing off pungent and radiant

Variants from the yellow and

Orange color wheel…

Leaves from our front yard

Have already been pushed

To the ground and raked

Into piles for the city trucks

To take them away…

Missing the days of burning

leaves in the street

Letting everyone smell

The aroma of halloween

On the way…

A great time to be alive

Especially watching

Someone 20 years older

Aging in a way that

I know she would have

Never wanted…

Watching my brother

Age with dementia

And my sister with extreme

Loneliness is not for me…

she went to bed

The only one I knew happy

To the end was my grandma

And when the alarm

Rang she didn’t wake…

What a peaceful and joyfull

End to a beautiful person…

This world is scaring me

Watching my husband worrying

Over the money we have

And will never use..:

Watching people in the world

Hurting others’ loved ones…

Watching war…

Having children and grandchilren

I can no longer shelter and keep

Safe…

Its not a road I care

To travel much longer.,.

My nightly prayer

Is for God to call my number

Soon…

So redemption can

Be mine in the end……….

Full recipe: https://cooktopcove.com/2023/08/12/my-grandma-used-to-cook-this-and-i-feared-the-recipe-was-lost-thankfully-i-stumbled-upon-it-and-its-tastier-than-ever/?src=fbfan_75499&t=fbsub_slowcookerkitchen_xp

Is an odd feeling

It can hit you quick

Bring tears to your eyes

Then quickly turn to anger…

Have a three hour

Appointment at Midwestern

Dental School…

No dental insurance

So trying this out at 75…

Let them learn on my

Mouth and time and

Hopefully I save some $$$…

So far so good…

Today

Why

Just chilling

And enjoying

Life

Alone time

And..,.

Brownies!!!!

Of up and downs

Highs and lows

Agreements and arguments

Compromise

Creating a winner or loser

Differing opinions

That love alone can’t conquer…

Every age has its cycle

Pressures and mind numbing

Points that set off a

Problem with self esteem

And questions of self worth…

Faith, prayer and knowledge

Of one’s direction

And path in life…

keeping one foot in

Front of the other

Knowing our equality

In the sight of God…

But not lonesome…

Sometimes you just need

Time alone

Is becoming a problem…

Aging I hear can bring

This about

But a swallow of milk

Is beginning to worry me…

As I swallow it feels

Like it’s not going down

Then of course the panic

Begins and I start to cough

Sometimes it comes back up

Other times it goes down

With a burn and the pain continues

And radiates in the center

Of my chest kind of

Behind something…

Then it brings discomfort

To my shoulders

And continues for about

10 to 15 minutes

And then it’s gone

Leaving me coughing

As if an asthma attack…

It started a few months ago

But in the past few weeks

Everything seems to bring

On this blockage…

I feel like ice cream is

The only thing I’m not afraid

To swallow…

Is this my next scourge

Of aging…

First my sight, then incontinence

Then the awful cough.,,

Sleep apnea

Then my hearing and now swallowing…

It will be nice to have

A few days of peace and

Quiet but being alone

When I choke is a bit

Frightening…

Never know where

They lie…

But I seem to step

On them consistently…

Days ahead will be calmer

As the trip begins

And the fort is held

Down…

A good game

Of anything

Should be a great

Experience for both

The winner and loser…

Watching a loser

Upend the board

Be angry and give

Excuses for the loss

Is not the sign of

Good sportsmanship…

Maybe the time is

Not worth the effort

When one doesn’t enjoy

The comradery, thought

Process and level of ability

Of their…opponent…

Or just the time

For togetherness…

Thoughts, Desires, dreams

Wants, likes, dislikes

Ideas, views that don’t

Match the partner

Are usually dismissed

And treated inferior…

Enjoying a trip up the

East Coast searching out

The best clam chowder

Getting lost on a back road

Finding Polly’s pancake house

Or Frost’s front porch have

Been wonderful trips…

Waiting for 18 holes of golf

To end or reading a book

On a lonely road worrying

About bears

Or trying to find a hotel

Late at night hoping

For the right price

Is no longer on my

Bucket list…if it ever was…

The uneasiness in my shoulders

The pain when I swallow

And the cough

Is making me constantly

Googling my symptoms…

I don’t care to go to the Dr.

These days as mine doesn’t

Seem to give me answers

But sends me to specialists

Who don’t seem to have the

Urgency I do…

Yes, I’m 75… Not dead…

Need answers!

Is not a life I want anymore…

I have no bucket lists

Although my hubby does…

List are not adventurousness

They are confining and stuctured

Not spur of the moment…

Tomorrow I may not want to do

Or go where I may have thought

I might today…

My kids don’t like that I won’t commit…

I no longer want to do what

Others want me to

Nor do I want to do what

Other think I ought to do…

This is my time… the end of

Expectations of others….

Of my era of responsibility

Working, worrying, meeting

Deadlines or Monday thru Sundays

Shoulds…

Reading, gazing, wondering,

Praying, junk food, sweet tea

And now three hour Dentist

Appointments with students

Learning…

I told them I have the

Time and will enjoy helping

Them acquire expertise

With my unbusy life…

A few weeks ago I made a baking

Drawer in the kitchen…

Having containers that sit in the

Drawer with lids that come

Off with a push button

Then reseal the same way…

Each lid is marked with contents

In big black letters…

Hubby said he likes the organization

But said I put the flour lid

On the sugar container

And the sugar lid on the flour…

I just said really!!!

And let my chef think about

That!!!

After a few minutes he said

Oh…

Realizing who did it!

Another laugh…on him he said

Asking himself why he said

It out loud…

Another day in the life of this

retired groom And his bride…

Accept both compliments and criticism. It takes both sun and rain for a flower to grow.
-Unknown

Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time.
-Unknown

Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods.
-Unknown

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”

Unknown

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream. And that’s kind of the same thing.”

Unknown

He who has a why to live can bear almost anything – Friedrich Nietzsche

Your strongest muscle and worst enemy is your mind. Train it well.

Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today. – Will Rogers

Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving; we get stronger and more resilient. – Steve Maraboli

Regret is more powerful than gratitude…the reason why the dead get more flowers than the living…Unknown

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.” – Anonymous

There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short not to focus more on what matters most.

That horrible orange man

Dominate the news

Weekly, daily and hourly

Oh…

Halloween is on its way

Allowing monsters, creeps

Goblins and the big fat

215 (not) orange man

Run free spewing his ugly

Hateful lies upon

The earth…

For hours in your heart

As your mind drifts though

Wrongs that occurred

Years apart…

A tone of the voice

Burns it deeper with a phrase

said

Reliving my life

yet heard before

in a hateful rage…

Moment by moment

A cinema that clicks in my brain

Tormenting me

Daily…

And Wondering why…

I’m not sure anymore…

Our kids have

their life puzzle

And their pictures are

Complete…

aging has made me

On the outside looking in..,

Drawn back to his mother

I’m not as important

Where I fit I just don’t know…

Will this be where I stay

A puzzle piece that no long

Fits…

Is hard to watch…

Almost 3 hours

And only a half full bowl

Of potato salad.::

At least a dozen potatoes

When we have 4 more

Over…

So he cooked

More…

15 forks

8 spoons and a counter

Full of pots and pans…

Have to sit in another room

As he gets sick of me underfoot

Trying to keep it cleaned…

Remind me…

Next time he invites

Others over for a cookout

His dishes need to be

Prepared the night before…

Duck taped closed for

Precaution…

Pushed robo cleaner’s on

Button…as a lot of his prep

Has landed on the floor

And we no longer have a dog…

The robo sweeper is worth

The price…no walk, clean up

Or barking.. priceless.,.

He’s a great cook

But as a caterer I would

Never let him in my house..

Although I know

A lot of my friends

Would…

Moved it???

Seems to be the constant

Question as we are aging…

Yesterday, Amazon delivered his belt

I put it on the bannister so it wouldn’t

Get lost with all his other stuff

He leaves through out…

He came home, asked if his

Package came Yes was my answer…

I told him I put it on the banister…

Later that evening he asked the same

Question, my answer

Was the same….

No he said it isn’t there…

That’s not where you

Put it… as he retrieved

It from the kitchen counter…

Did I put it on the counter???

Not likely

Be he doesn’t like to

Realize he forgets

What he does…so

Aging I guess is making

Me his fall guy…

And trips home…

Seldom do things include

Things I’d like to do…

Movies, dinner, sightseeing

Nothing overkill just something

Including my desires…

10 years of our retirement

Have flown and most things

I enjoy…he doesn’t…

Now it includes

Chess…

The Mood changes…

Wish I understood

Why I would ever want

To go anywhere when I’m treated

So bad…

Now somehow the bad mood

Is my fault and hating

Tom Selick like I care…

Need to stay focused

On not getting myself

In trouble with being upset

And raising my blood pressure…

Aging is taking a toll

On both of us….

He just doesn’t realize it…

Inside

Scares me beside

Belief…

Wondering where’s

Relief

From thoughts that are

Beneath

The goodness

Of this soul…

Got wrong amount of corn…

Get tired of getting blamed for

All his short comings…

Came over to give him $6…

And he told me to get 6

More ears…

Got another bag

And got six

But somehow he didn’t

Get 12 in his bag…

So instead of a dozen

And a half he only got

8 or 10 in his bag

He said there 14 total…

My bag had 6

How many did he get…

Blame and complaining

Is getting worse…

I paid $9.00

Something we were doing together

H says I barged in…

So much for growing old together…

Glowing when I came downstairs

At 9:30…

Who does this…

My hubby../

He’s always been a salesman

But the story he spun today…I’m

not

Buying…

He noted that the grass is

Doing good since he’s

Letting it grow longer…

When he was working

He cut it short because

He didn’t know when

He’d get to it again since

He traveled so much and

He wanted it neat…

Nice try and we both laughed

Because back then he wasn’t

Aware he could raise or

Lower the mower…

It was probably Rich

Telling and showing him

How to raise the mower

So as not to burn out

The grass in our hot Julys..:

Miss Rich and think of

Him often…RIP

Should be an ability

A right of all…

But today it comes

With anger

Chastisement

And disrespect…

A small word

That will be used more

Until it’s understood

That it is a

Right…

2 leg abrasions

Described by nurse..:

At the same height

On both legs

Seems very specific to me…

Describe as a circular cut

On one leg and a

Triangular cut on the other

Come from something specific

That she was hit against

With enough force to

Tear the skin…

The two items have to

Be close together on

Some surface at shin

Height to cut her legs

Simultaneously…

These injuries should

Not be tolerated

An investigation of the

Why, how and where

They occurred…needs

To be unearth so they

Can be padded to not

Occur again..,

Are in my favor

Today…

8/6 with One stand-off…

It can change

In a blink of an

Eye

If he could only stay focused…

So disrupting his focus

Is my winning edge…

Is where I think we are

With his mother…

And has been here for over a year…

Yet the first stages

Are beginning in another…

Fearful of these episodes…

That the underbelly

Shows again

But this time on the

Younger generation…

Games can’t be played

As one has to be best

At all cost

To the hurt of others

I will not see it again..,

We all have them…

Others know we have them

Yet it’s upsetting when one

Talks to someone else

About them.:.

It’s hard to believe we been married

This long and have never played

Chess…

My previous post on our game

Was letting him win to

Keep him interested…

After 7 games we are now

4 to 3 with me in the lead

So of course he’s ready to

Play again …

He gets distracted easily

So turning the game in

My favor is finding new

Things to distract him…

Which is easier said then done

As he becomes more focused…

I’m enjoying the challenge

As we are both new to the game…

At this age in our life it’s good

To find new things to do

Together that keep us engaged

And enjoying life…

Air quality on Red alert

For the past couple days

Due to Canadian wild fires…

Bit hard to breathe

And the foggyness

Looks like my regular

Eyesight with my

Cataracts in full bloom…

Being a lifelong learner

Aging is educating on

A daily basis and I’m sure

By the end I will have

A PHD

In aging

And old age…

So far 75, white hair

Cataracts,

Are my credentials

For this final career…

Of Aging with Jane…

Is Snow White

Making me look my age…

No one has told me lately

That I don’t look 75…

Sooo….

I’m debating

On coloring my hair as I did

For years…

Hubby’s been a white head

Since 30 and I loved

People thinking I was younger

Now I look like Barbara Bush…

His mood varies

And change so rapidly…

Of intermittent fasting…

My sister lost alot

Of weight this way…

Can eat from 3to7

So far so good

No sugar ice tea…

75 years of life

Has provided

Experiences beyond

My wildest dreams…

Irish, Catholic theology

Till death do you part

And much folklore…

Parents and grandparents

And my own 56 years vows…

Education, work and ownership

Work environments…

Birthing 3 children

And raising a sibling…

Travel, home ownership

Political views and

Voting since I was 21…

Belief in a greater creator

A democratic way of governing…

Not interested in those not

Believing in Freedom for all…

Knowing our living on

Earth will determine our

Road in eternity…

Believing in Jesus

As the only way to live

And love…

Knowing how to detour around

Occasions of sin…

Free thinking

And following the best

Road to the end

Of my life…

What a better way

To keep him playing…

He always tells

Me the dog needs

To catch the rabbit

Once in a while

To keep him interested…

So I know there

Will be another

Chess game soon…

Happens in such

Unexpected ways…

A package of ribs

Left out of the freezer

As he was searching

For another type of

Meat…

Soon forgotten

Not found or remembered

For a few days…

Luckily on sale for

$3.00

So no big loss…

But in my mind

Karma

For getting scolded

When wanting to

Give to kids

For their cookout…

Yep…

Karma….

Still haunt me today

Yelled years ago

Yet re-said many

Times through these

Few decades of my

Life…

Putting on me

The guilt

Yet supported

With truth by

One undeniable

And one more

Punished for

Affirming truth…

Punished

Till death…

Such an awful

Way to treat truth…

Wind is blowing

Day is getting hot

But nothing special

Propels me to be active

Creative or moving…

Would like to walk

But the fear of falling

Keeps me on my rump…

Hung my new chime

But they don’t chime loudly

Which I’m sure my neighbors

Appreciate…

Could clean my patio

And trim the ivy growing

Over the edges of the stone

But

I’m sure that can wait

Another day…

Retirement has added

To my procrastination…

No where to go

No where to be

Nothing pressing

No deadlines

No kids to shuttle

No meals on my agenda

As my retired groom

Handles that day to day chore

he has food on his mind…

Hourly…

Me…not so much

Unless it’s sweet, chocolate

Or ice cream…

Just a bit of a lazy day

In my bit of heaven…

Have personalities

From color to shapes to

Numbers on a stem…

Today as they swing in

Cadence with the wind

They remind me to

Move, dance and sing…

But their rhythm

Has me mesmerized

In my chair

Interpreting their

Movements into thoughts

And ideas they might

Be intending to imbed

In my mind…

Their communication

Becomes evident as

You see them touch

Each other and tangle

With more vigor as the

Breeze blows and heaves

And throws the stems…

Almost like the waves

Of the ocean…

Exist I find

Within each soul

That travels this earth..:

The need to retreat

From all…

Digging a hole

Climbing in

Pulling it in with you

So no one can find

The unhappiness inside…

Living in pain

Drowning in unshedable tears

That keep afloat the fears

Destroying the cares

That make one reach

To climb the stairs…

Your value wains

Your tolerance

Declines

Self worth becomes

Angry

And you begin

To search for

A way to climb

From the pit

That surrounds

The pain…

Hello darkness

My old friend

I’m back here, with

You again…

Like to do?

The older I get

I forget…

Was there anything special

If there was

The memory is gone…

Golf..

If the company

Isn’t fun then the

Game is a drag…

When it’s fun

The score climbs…

I know

I’ve played several times…

Quit when a lady

Player felt the need

To instruct

As she felt superior

And an expert in a game

Meant for fun..,.

Why many feel the need

To intrude on a golf

Game that was meant as

A date for two became

A threesome

And should have been called

Out from the start…

Causing a golf date

Never more…

The importantance

Of needs

Depends on whose…

And can be outranked by

Food or others needs

Making the line

An unloving event

Of waiting

And questioning worth

And real need

In one’s life…

Those afraid

To offend…

It could tend

The truth to bend…

Not an honest

Critique can be given

If the recipient

Might not appreciate

The Negativity given..,

To intermittent fast

When the other half

Eats constantly

And right next to you…

blamed for everything

From the lie told

Twenty years earlier…

never utter a word

As the confrontation began…

Continued for 5 years

Until it no longer mattered…

Yet in the mind

sees the fault as mine

And can’t repent…

Let it go

Now in God’s hands…

Makes re-entry rough…

Unloading the car into

The cleaned house…

Upset that roots

Of tree were hit

When I mowed…

All toilet seats up….

Up early prowling

Around like a mouse

Get used to own ways

When alone…

Indianapolis 500 on

And he can’t believe

I’m not watching…

He went to hardware store

And missed the start

As we are in a different time

Zone…

So why would I have it on

Or know the start time

Was a caterpillar

That survived and

Became a beautiful

Talented Butterfly…

RIP

Sunny and chilly

Thoughts racing

My life repeating

In the mind

Wondering

How long is left

what’s next

Has my being completed

Why I am here…

I read the obituaries

Before the headlines…

Knowing on any given day

A relative, classmate or

Acquaintance name will appear …

Moving away from home

After college makes recognizing

Many a search through

The whole write up…

Looking for birthdates, husbands

Names, parents, hometowns

Since I probably wouldn’t

Recognize a current picture…

Makes me think what picture

Should be used in my obituary…

Serves us well

But some times hard to tell

What spell

It will cast over the whole

Of the day

guiding

what we say

Keeping the tongue

At bay

Should we injure

Those we love

And our God above…

Dropping out

Of the time consuming drama

Happening daily

In his life.,:

Another one is here…

Hubby with his mom

And this mom is spending

The time with her chicks…

Dinners, movie, cookies

And seeing my fledglings…

What could one be more

Blessed than having

Her 3 kids love her…

We both have bucket lists

But not the same bucket…

I want no long lines

No fast food

Just beautiful vistas

From a front porch

With exquisite food served

Daily…

On a cruise ship

Or the front porch

Of a bed a breakfast….

7 days in a well appointed

Tour bus through Ireland

No longer feeling as safe on

Our own…

But thinking…until

His golf scores are constantly

Over 100

And he can no longer

See the flies or hooks

on his fishing line

Our buckets will never

Mesh…and our list

Will never have check

Marks…

Is overwhelming

When not seeing eye to eye…

Words said in haste

Are always a waste

But impact the mind

Making one wonder

What is in the words

As flung out in rage…

Not realizing the hurt

And damages it brings

To one inflicted by

Arrows over the years

As I watched a video

And hear my words

I realize why I don’t

Like to talk…

My voice is breathy

I sound like my mom

Hearing her voice

In mine is a bit scary..,

I haven’t heard it so clearly before

And now it’s in every syllable…

I have her laugh, as does little my sister

And my girls

But hearing her voice

In my every word

Makes me wonder…

On your mind

Many my favorites too…

Memories brought out

By theses songs

Bring both heartache

And joy..:

But there’s one song

Brought to mind

On this beautiful

Sunny day of

Cinco de Mayo

One I always loved

And now will never

Be able to forget…

Mucho Gracias

To say no…

Again tonight I feel chastised…

But I find I will say it more

Until I finally feel

I have the right…

Took a ride

Really an errand

And viewed Gods artistic

Hand with the colorful

Spring buds emerging

Around town…

Every color of his rainbow

Is peeking out on limbs of trees

Wings of birds

Flower blooming through

Th gorgeous green grass..

People walking with a skip

In there step…

It’s a beautiful sight

And makes one happy

To witness…

Our yard…

Where they come from

Who they belong to

I don’t know…

Not everyone enjoys

Seeing a cat chase birds

Grab bunnies

Or just stalk around one’s yard…

They look like they are pets

Well feed and cared for

But worried about the

Coyotes grabbing them

Or getting hit by a car

Is not something I would want

To see happen to any animal…

Please keep your kittys’

At home…

Drift in and out

Of our precious days

As our life keeps aging

And days swiftly

Pass us by…

Responsibility takes us

Away from each other

During the most

Limited time of our life…

I wish we could go back

To our earlier days

When our home was one room

a bathroom

No room for anyone

But We…

As we became us

And melded

Into our own way…

Come and go

As Spring brings in

Sunny days…

They nurture

They also destroy

With rainbows appearing

As they blow away…

Her in her garden

Down on her knees

This is her happy place

Hoping all the bees

Pollinate her plantings

In the muddy ground

Where God fills all her needs…

I find happiness watching

Knowing I can never find

Happiness in dirt in my hands

But love the results that come

From her loving caring heart.:.