Those afraid

To offend…

It could tend

The truth to bend…

Not an honest

Critique can be given

If the recipient

Might not appreciate

The Negativity given..,

To intermittent fast

When the other half

Eats constantly

And right next to you…

blamed for everything

From the lie told

Twenty years earlier…

never utter a word

As the confrontation began…

Continued for 5 years

Until it no longer mattered…

Yet in the mind

sees the fault as mine

And can’t repent…

Let it go

Now in God’s hands…

Makes re-entry rough…

Unloading the car into

The cleaned house…

Upset that roots

Of tree were hit

When I mowed…

All toilet seats up….

Up early prowling

Around like a mouse

Get used to own ways

When alone…

Indianapolis 500 on

And he can’t believe

I’m not watching…

He went to hardware store

And missed the start

As we are in a different time

Zone…

So why would I have it on

Or know the start time

Was a caterpillar

That survived and

Became a beautiful

Talented Butterfly…

RIP

Sunny and chilly

Thoughts racing

My life repeating

In the mind

Wondering

How long is left

what’s next

Has my being completed

Why I am here…

I read the obituaries

Before the headlines…

Knowing on any given day

A relative, classmate or

Acquaintance name will appear …

Moving away from home

After college makes recognizing

Many a search through

The whole write up…

Looking for birthdates, husbands

Names, parents, hometowns

Since I probably wouldn’t

Recognize a current picture…

Makes me think what picture

Should be used in my obituary…

Serves us well

But some times hard to tell

What spell

It will cast over the whole

Of the day

guiding

what we say

Keeping the tongue

At bay

Should we injure

Those we love

And our God above…

Dropping out

Of the time consuming drama

Happening daily

In his life.,:

Another one is here…

Hubby with his mom

And this mom is spending

The time with her chicks…

Dinners, movie, cookies

And seeing my fledglings…

What could one be more

Blessed than having

Her 3 kids love her…

We both have bucket lists

But not the same bucket…

I want no long lines

No fast food

Just beautiful vistas

From a front porch

With exquisite food served

Daily…

On a cruise ship

Or the front porch

Of a bed a breakfast….

7 days in a well appointed

Tour bus through Ireland

No longer feeling as safe on

Our own…

But thinking…until

His golf scores are constantly

Over 100

And he can no longer

See the flies or hooks

on his fishing line

Our buckets will never

Mesh…and our list

Will never have check

Marks…

Is overwhelming

When not seeing eye to eye…

Words said in haste

Are always a waste

But impact the mind

Making one wonder

What is in the words

As flung out in rage…

Not realizing the hurt

And damages it brings

To one inflicted by

Arrows over the years

As I watched a video

And hear my words

I realize why I don’t

Like to talk…

My voice is breathy

I sound like my mom

Hearing her voice

In mine is a bit scary..,

I haven’t heard it so clearly before

And now it’s in every syllable…

I have her laugh, as does little my sister

And my girls

But hearing her voice

In my every word

Makes me wonder…

On your mind

Many my favorites too…

Memories brought out

By theses songs

Bring both heartache

And joy..:

But there’s one song

Brought to mind

On this beautiful

Sunny day of

Cinco de Mayo

One I always loved

And now will never

Be able to forget…

Mucho Gracias

To say no…

Again tonight I feel chastised…

But I find I will say it more

Until I finally feel

I have the right…

Took a ride

Really an errand

And viewed Gods artistic

Hand with the colorful

Spring buds emerging

Around town…

Every color of his rainbow

Is peeking out on limbs of trees

Wings of birds

Flower blooming through

Th gorgeous green grass..

People walking with a skip

In there step…

It’s a beautiful sight

And makes one happy

To witness…

Our yard…

Where they come from

Who they belong to

I don’t know…

Not everyone enjoys

Seeing a cat chase birds

Grab bunnies

Or just stalk around one’s yard…

They look like they are pets

Well feed and cared for

But worried about the

Coyotes grabbing them

Or getting hit by a car

Is not something I would want

To see happen to any animal…

Please keep your kittys’

At home…

Drift in and out

Of our precious days

As our life keeps aging

And days swiftly

Pass us by…

Responsibility takes us

Away from each other

During the most

Limited time of our life…

I wish we could go back

To our earlier days

When our home was one room

a bathroom

No room for anyone

But We…

As we became us

And melded

Into our own way…

Come and go

As Spring brings in

Sunny days…

They nurture

They also destroy

With rainbows appearing

As they blow away…

Her in her garden

Down on her knees

This is her happy place

Hoping all the bees

Pollinate her plantings

In the muddy ground

Where God fills all her needs…

I find happiness watching

Knowing I can never find

Happiness in dirt in my hands

But love the results that come

From her loving caring heart.:.

God clears my

Mind, soul and conscience

From things that get stuck

In my soul…

Judgements, dislikes and

Hold every pain…

That keeps me from finding

Peace in the daily visions

Of your creation…

Confession is good for the soul

But voicing my defects

Is a hard thing to do…

The process is freeing

Show me the way…

The name of the game

With all going on in the world

And the news repeating it

Hourly…

Living daily in peace

Is my goal…

A tooth problem,

A muffler problem

At this age is so minor

When we could

Already be six feet under…

Why can’t we just be at peace

And joyful that we’re here,

Well and have what we need…

Thanks be to God

I try to write

As many thoughts

Cross my sight

Focusing…

On a subject that’s right

For today, this hour

With words wondering…

Coming up with a thought train

I hope to find

That will connect words together

Making sense on paper that seem

Unclear in my mind…

Backyards run together

Some divided by fences

Keeping some out

And still…others in…

They contain episodes

Of life neighbors keep

From the front…

Like dogs, gardens and tools

Windchimes, wheelbarrows

And bikes…

There are bird houses, bird feeders

Birdbaths, statues, grills and lights…

Grass seems to cover all though

Weeds peek through at times…

Swings sets squeak in the wind

And patios or porches also

Dot the terrain…

Dogs run and bark behind

The fences but can be seen

And enjoyed…

Kids don’t seem as active anymore

As digital games have taken

Over catch, hopscotch

And jumping rope…

No longer do the nets stretch

Across the yards as most

Of our backyard kids are grown

With backyards

Of their own…

In a better place

And not in a race

Of unwanted thoughts…

Although the things I read

Only educate me on the

Ugliness of humanity…

Murder mysteries are

The genre I always devour

Usually able to complete in

One sitting…

While engaged

I’m seldom sad

Or wonder why…

But when the mystery

Is solved my minds looks

For a more terrifying

Text to occupy my

Worrying mind…

They are completed

Not mailed.,,

Owing causes late filing

As money is transfer

And paid…

As long as you file

They know you’re not dead

It will be nice

To mail and get these

Figures out of my head…

Feet ground us

Carry us around this earth

Yet my hands seem to be

Aging at a faster rate…

Maybe my feet get

More exercise than my hands

But comparing them today

My hands look way older

Than my feet…

My hands have age spots

Bulging blue veins

Crepy and wrinkled…

My feet still look like the

Teenage feet that used to

Carry me Around in my

Bikini at the beach.:.

Why such a difference

Could the feet be following the

Age in my mind

And my hands following

The age of my body…

Or hasn’t aging reached my

Feet yet…

There’s a sadness in me

Due to the thoughts that fill

My mind because of my age…

I should be grateful every morning

And I am…

Although the fear of my life ending

And the turmoil that surrounds

In family, in the country, in health

Is taking a toll on my peace.,,

He hates the way I wrap up the cord…

I hate the way he runs over the cord…

Electrical tape always decorates our

Vacuum…

If I buy a new one I will padlock it…

And add it to the fridge, dishwasher

And microwave that he is very

Rough on…

My retired groom is in the kitchen

Where else…

It’s he’s favorite place…

Today it’s pizza

What else

It’s his favorite food…

But he’s also boiling eggs

For egg salad which I’m

Sure he’ll devour before the

Pizza dough has risen…

Me…I have left overs from

My dinner last night…

I like fast food

Ready when I want it

And no mess to clean…

So again today

Eating separately

With no dishes to clean

For this retired grooms bride…

In a few short days…

I used to worry about

How much and how to pay

When mortgage and tuition

Payments were also due…

Today I think about them

But will procrastinate

Til tomorrow and keep

My dollars making interest

For another day…

A well planned Retirement

Thanks to my hubby

Takes away the worry

Everyday…

These are the days

That make me sad before

Spring arrives…

The sky is grey

Grass is brown

And the road ways are

Covered in debris

That make me grateful

For Lady Bird Johnson’s

Initiative of keeping America

Beautiful…

But the winds spreading the

Litter dropped by uncaring

Citizens have come to light

As the dark clouds

Add to the gloomy skies…

Always thankful for the

Glorious spring days that are

Around the corner

With sun to nourish my

Little green sprouts breaking

Though the earth preparing

For the glorious and colorful blooms…

Is a thing…

Two weeks alone

Then back together again…

Takes some adjustment…

Where you park the car

In the driveway…

The seat up again

For two weeks you

Haven’t fallen in…

Sharing the tuna casserole

Made for one…

Things in the fridge

Are moved around…

Aromas coming from the kitchen

When I don’t cook…

Adjustments to our solo days

Having changed both our ways…

Another Spring

Is on its way

And my faith jump

Out at me today…

I’m sitting in my sunroom

Robins are

Building…

Watching as they fly around

Busy with urgency

To fill their nest…

As God has willed it

For all these years

We take for granted

As…just another day…

Revelation of His Creation

Continuing…

Giving me tremors

As my

Faith

Quakes

Today…

I was born here

As a women in the

Land of the free…

Home of the brave

There’s more things to see here

Why would I want to go there…

Places where our grandparents

Packed up and left

To find a better life here…

They worked hard

To have the life they gave us…

Why go back..,

Today is not a good day

The sun is shining

But life is on hold

And has been for

Too long…

Will come up

Tomorrow…

Just for me!

Before he goes

Clothes ready

Buy him more comfy socks

Super glue his glasses

Bag with tissue his gifts

Pack his computer and DVD player

With the movies and songs

To play for his mom…

Cheryl’s cookies

PJs and blouse for mom

Gift for brother

All the food he’s planning on cooking

Getting outfits packed

Glasses, insurance cards

Money and all he wants..,

Then peace and quiet

Will begin for me..:

To do as I please…

Come and go, sleep

Eat when and what I want…

Binge watch all my shows…

“Everybody needs some time away”…

Is the song playing in my brain…

Took up too much of my life

This week

But we watched together…

We felt a guilty verdict

Would be a definite…

I’m also thinking he could

Have set it up to have someone

Do it…

B cause of the set up of wanting

Them home…

Just hard to believe a father

And husband could

Look at them and kill them…

Wish we could get on the same page

Once in awhile…

Lately we haven’t even been in the

Same book…

I have EarPods in

Listening to a pod cast

While you watch basketball

Or talk to your mom

Not wanting to interrupt

Or disturb you…

But you constantly talk to me

During commercials…

Again my books don’t have commercials

Nor do I need to tell you how many chapters

Are in my book as

You feel the need to give me the statistics

On the players in the game..:

Now your listening to operatic

Music at top volume without even

Asking if I mind..:

So off to another room I go..:

Counting the days

Death

I’ve felt alone

He was the only one

I could air my soul too…

No judgement

We would discuss it

Just would ask why I

Felt that way…

But I never felt my

Way/idea was completely out

Of the question…

I talk to him often

Nightly but without

That squeeze of his hand

On mine the loneliness

Continues…

Today I realize my garbage

Disposal is over 20 years old…

Before this one I had 3 garbage

Disposals in the same house

For the 25 years before..,

Before I would buy what was on sale

As we had a family, we were young

Tried to be fugal but I have learned

Over the years that you can’t go cheap

With something that runs everyday

At many hours of the day and you

Depend on it to work…

We remodeled our kitchen 20

Years ago and in our budget

Was $$$ for the top of the line

Disposal…

I can’t say we put the top of the line

Of every appliance cause we didn’t…

But I have found over the years that

The corners you cut that seem

Unimportant get replaced every

3 to 5 years…

Like the trusty sump pump..,

Out of sight and usually only

One in the family is aware of its

Importance…

On a rainy night I can’t sleep

Unless I can hear my pump

Going off at a regular cadence…

I try to replace mine every 3 years

Because ONE failure spells disaster

And a lot of $$$ in cleanup…

This retired bride tries to

Keep everything working…

Is peaking through

This very cloudy day

Roofing nails are heard

Being pounded in next door…

The air is chilly

A cold front with ice

And snow is on the way

And our third curly haired

Grandson turned 18 today…

The sun rises and sets

And our life goes on

As our family celebrates

These milestones…

My heart aches for the babies

I rocked who have now

Turned to men

Letting me kiss and hug them

As they run in to say high

And I cry each time we have to wave bye…

But this is the way of the world

God has given

Lending us our children to raise

And send out into the world

To make their way, their mark

On the road they travel

To heaven…

I pray He watches over all of them…

Is slowly deleting

Some of our memories…

I see it daily in him

And feel it in me…

It’s upsetting to tell him

Something and two minutes

Later I have to repeat…

He said thanks for reminding me

But it’s worrisome…

The kids say this has always

Been him

But I’ve known him

So much longer

And it’s making me sad

And even more observant…

Makes for long lines

At fast food restaurants

Today…

People are getting in their

Cars for a ride to get

A latte, coke or cone

To enjoy a he sunshine

On this very chilly day..,

Entering back after so long

Is a process…

Starting the morning in

A crappy way doesn’t

Do it…

Life goes on

you just

Go and come and expect

Glad tidings

As life goes on in

All directions

In one’s absence…

The balance is upset

And has had to adjust

With those left at home…

Won’t hinder my traveling

At my age in life…

God will come and get me

When it’s time

But til then my travels

Come out of my wallet…

I remember filling up

Our family convertible in ‘64

At $.25 cents a gallon…

I just filled up and said charge it

My dad always paid the bill…

Over the years Running out

Of gas was a monthly thing

As I hated using my coins

When I could buy something else…

So trying to get every drop out

Of the tank left me walking home

On many occasions…

Then in ‘’74 remember waiting in

Line for an hour or more as gas

Was limited…hubby watched

The kids and I waited for gas…

Today as gas prices have escalated

I find too many complain

As they sip on grande lattes

At Starbucks…do they ever calculate

The price per gallon…

75 has let in much light…

People choose their importance

Regardless of commitment

Certain things are important

Others rank lower…

Importance is in the eye of the beholder

And one needs to understand

Where their importance ranks

And accept or reject but not

Compromise or regret…

And of course I’m feeling

Pretty ok right now…

But the cough and the

Phlegm has been a problem

Since 12/11…

Almost 2 months.,,

Not just aging but

Getting closer to the end

Plays with your mind…

Dreams rewind times in

Your life both good and

Awful…

Giving you a recollection

Of what you did and what

You might have done

Differently…

There is no redo of life

There is doing, and owning

Whether you’re proud of the actions

Or not…

Reliving your life in your mind

Is an award for life well done

Or penance for the screw ups…

I pray God is like my father

Patient and forgiving…

Was a humdinger…

Paint was thrown

All over the outside

Of the house

But it was like someone

Was painting a Monet

It was beautiful…

Said the husband…

As he explained….

Forgot to put the key

Back under the mat..

She must be upset

The Miata wasn’t

In the garage…

The neighbors were scratching

Their heads with his

Explanation of the vandalism…

She leaves little things

Around the house…

Who bought the Miata

Probably a young woman

As she always said it was

A chick’s car…

Better not eat

The fudge stripe cookies

She occasionally leaves

On the pillow…

Or I’ll be with her

Sooner than expected…

She doesn’t live here anymore

But she doesn’t know…

Another winter day

Is upon us…

The shine of the sun

Is hidden behind the

Snow filled sky that

Is dusting it’s flakes on

This part of my

World…

Different views of things going on

In the world..,

Mostly we are on the same page

But things come up that I

Have no interest in and he

Is not interested in things that

Grab my attention…

I love to read murder & romance

He reads things on the internet

But seldom a book…

He loves to share his views,

I don’t…

Talking is done too much these

Days with little action…

2 years of Covid has cause

A lot of opinions, fears

And changes in the world…

I find history is not being made

As much as it’s being repeated…

The have’s have it…

The have nots need it

And the world suffers!!!

In my life

The Bermuda Triangle

Exists where the fridge, stove

And sink form a triangle

In our kitchens…

Most days my retired husband

Becomes lost in this area

For hours…

Cutting, searching, searing,

From morning til dark until

Something edible appears but

Not appealing to my taste buds…

After hours of toil and tasting and

Tasting and more tasting…

He might give up and place it in a bowl

in the cold corner of our

Triangle for another day of adding

More ingredients or just lingering

Til a green slim appears and the

Other corner becomes useful

To wash it away…

I seldom venture in to inquire

Or taste less I be ask to help

Clean up the mess…

For the past 13 years since my retired

Groom stopped working I have turned

Over this triangle of my life to him…

To love and cherish as I once did

When it was my domain…

Since then pots have been burned,

Dishes have smashed, cutlery have

Turned missing…expensive knives

Have appeared that I never thought

We could afford…

Like me he realizes the mess has to

Be cleaned and the eaters will never

Be around to help as they have disappeared

From this triangle which they only

Relish when the aromas bring them rushing

In for the tasty plates…

But like all who venture into the triangle

Disappear, including his retired bride…

My husband does it…

It gets him out of the house

Keeps him busy

Gives him something to do…

Brings home stuff out of date

That gets him back to the store

Out of the house to return the product…

He also plans our meals

While shopping and ends up

Cooking because his ingredients

Don’t match my recipes…

Retirement brings on many changes

And this one has been the BEST for

This retired groom’s….retired bride…

I hope my little

Posts gives you some happiness

In my absence…

At 75…20 years longer

Than my mother and her

Mother lived on earth

This thought is constantly

On my mind…

I know you’re irreplaceable

And if you feel the same

Then the sadness of my

Absence will strike you heavily.,.

I’m sure the loss of a spouse

Is a heart wrenching jolt

Especially since we’ve been

Together so long…

We won’t notice the first

Few days alone as you

Have traveled so much of

Our lives….first with work

And now in retirement with

Your aging mother…

Never doubt whether you

Made me happy, safe and gave me

All I needed and wanted…

You absolutely did…💕💕💕

My daily thoughts and love

Are and always have been

You…Since that first kiss and

All the kisses and love since then

Daily…

If I’m gone…knowing not where…

I have our faith…what we believe

And I will hold you again…

Know my heart and soul

Will never let go of you

My loving, beautiful, boyfriend ,

Husband, Lover and Friend…

❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕👩🏻‍🦳

Opens my eyes to many things…

People see your mistakes,

Shortcomings and flaws

But never call out their own…

One must lookout for themselves

As everyone else’s outlook

Is from a different view than

Yours…

One is always closer to the cliff

Than the other and you must

Always be sure of your own

Footing…

Only you walk in your shoes…

I will no longer hear insults,

Complaints or ugliness

My life is now too short

For such nonsense

I will only eat my choice

And when I want…

My cravings and timelines

Run on my crazy clock…

My tastes buds were imbedded

At birth and served me well

Through my life

Otherwise I wouldn’t

Still be overeating…

The Lord is My Shepard

I do not want or need

Anything more…

He thinks it’s me

I think it’s He…

Both at 3/4 of a century

With all our faculties

But some aren’t as accurate

As they used to be…

I can’t hear him

He says it’s my hearing

I say he mumbles…

He takes everything out

Not putting it back or

Putting things in strange places…

So we are forever looking for

Everything…

He was to take a drivers exam

Driving and written

But thankfully they waived it…

Or he wouldn’t be driving

He feels…and I second that

Emotion…

Aging is taking a toll

On both of us!!!

Drop more frequently

As I age

They take the place of

Words my heart

Just can’t say.,.

The new battery on the remote

Replaced.,,

And he’s playing all the music

Of our teens, high school and

College days…

Dancing in our sunroom on

A Saturday morning makes

My day bright…

He dances slow the same

As he did those many years ago…

We get lost in life and music

Brings us back to the time

That got us here and keeps

Us where love stays…

J

Is the worst I’ve ever had…

I will never travel before

Christmas again.,.

Fighting the flu and

RSV has been a nightmare

Not spending Christmas with

My kids has been the saddest

day and sitting with football

Games on the TV all day

Totally stinks stink stinks……

Leave home around Christmas again

But the feeling is there

That you’d rather be elsewhere

Not here…

Your brother is with your

Mom and I know you wish

You were there to as

Christmases are limited

as we age…

She’s 20 Christmases older

Than I…

My joy is buried

Somewhere

And I can’t seem to find…

I feel my smile is downturned

And my cheeks are aching

With the weight of the frown

trying to turn it upside

Down

Has been an effort nowhere

To be found…

The state of affairs

The upcoming holiday

And my hubby’s reiterating

His dismal feeling

Keeps pulling the feelings farther

And farther down…

Is it the winter cold

The stormy forecast

Or am I exhausted from

My travels…

Get up… shake it offf

Maybe I need a

Cola this holiday season…

On a cloudy Sunless Sunday

A blue sky appearing

To a brighten the day…

The road seems long

But like life the journey home

Passes at great speed

Towns and cities appear

In the vista

Visited during another

Trip but a revisit is not

On the agenda nor anytime

In the future….

A75 year life has

Pinpointed the map

Of my life only including

The area where my children

Have settle…

No longer wanting to

See the world

Barely enough time

To visit theirs…

Milestones have past

Visible only in a rear view

And drifting further away

The only milestone on the

Horizon is a granite stone

On which my name appears

Where my journey and road

Ends..:.

Enshrines me today

The blue ocean I viewed yesterday

Is grey and unappealing at this hour

The sun is hiding

And my girls are so happy with

Their full nest as their college

Boys are home again…

My nest is waiting for

The winds of time to blow

It away as our life is dwindling

Down with a nest full of memories

Of days gone by…

Purging is the word of the day

Purge this flu

This fear

This unhappiness and

Hope for a better hour

A better day and better way…

My heart is heavy with this

Gloom that resides not knowing

How to remove and sweep it

Away…

The sun is peeking out

Giving me hope

That this black cloud will

Also move out of my heart

And soul…

Cruising is like relaxing in a warm bath

With not a care in the world…

Timeshare is like living the same

Day to day life at a destination..

In my case at a beach…

The comparison between Marriott’s

Ocean view timeshare and Royal Carribian

Celebrity cruise is at the opposite end

Of the charts…

Coming off a cruise and starting the

Following week at a timeshare gives

Me first hand knowledge…

Both about the same price…

The cruise was slow, relaxing,

Not a thing to do or a finger to lift…

Excellent food and entertainment

Around every corner and included in

The price…roomed cleaned three times

A day…loose and earring in the shower

They found it.. no problem…

Arnold our cabin steward to the

Rescue…everyone of the service

People had a big smile and we knew

Them by name…fresh towel 2 or more

Times a day…

Food that would compare to 5 star dining

Every minute of my day

Rise and shine to coffee and

Muffins delivered by 7 am

Looking out for each other

Is a totally

Different feeling…

Then having the younger

Generation looking out for you…

We seems to do it diffently

Than the younger generation…

Here’s a seat…

Watch the steps, go slow,

Take your time…announcing

To all around that they have

An elderly relative with them…

It was an odd and unsettling feeling

Of been old when you don’t see

It in yourself when your with

Someone your own age…

Will I travel again after witnessing

This…

It was a wonderful trip but I fear

Beyond my capabilities at 74…

I get up late and go to sleep early

Not exactly the hip cruiser

I thought I was….

Thinking of you alone

Saddens me tonight

Although my nights

And days have been fun

There’s a loneliness

I feel not sharing the

Fun with you…

I wish we could be newlyweds

On this cruise

As all these years have

Put distance between us

With family commitment

And our different views

On travel..,

But glad we will meet up

Soon and have sunny days

And loving nights together…

And I have had a few…

50+++++ now

And I realize how

Lucky we are…

Are a thing of the past…

The pandemic has helped

Turn most of us into

Humans that talk and

Seem to have to defend their

Existence…

I text now to get

Questions answered

As no one can have

An interesting discussion

Without it becoming a

Monologue…

I’m not a listener

I’m a conversationalist…

It’s a give and take

Not a classroom where

One is the teacher

And one the student…

I’ve graduated…

And aged and no longer

Want to know what I don’t

Request to know…

Climbing the mountain

Of my life was hard,

I climbed, I learned

But I find since I’ve reached

The summit the decent

Occurs at a much faster

Pace…a pace like the Indy

500…

I only have time for

Specific conversations

Not stories or recipies

Or lectures that

Don’t interest me…

My brain, my time on earth

And my attention span

Has diminished to such a

Degree…

That I only want to

Experience things that

Interest and pleasure me…

My life has been lived

Pleasing and taking care

Of others…

My time has come…

I only have time now

For elevator speeches,

And Specific conversations

That don’t strain my

Vocal chords and

Give me many many

Potty breaks…

They call

And then tell their story…

I melt down

When I open the fridge

And everything is on one shelf…

He stuffs it all in there

On one shelf…

I clean it once a week

When I open it

Seeing bottles on their sides

Dripping their contents…

Or sticks of butter Falling

To the floor…

There were four halved

Onions, 4 bags of celery

2 partially used and 2 new…

Pieces of bread out of the bag

And bags of cheese opened and

Scattered on the one shelf…

I keep the cheese in a plastic container

Today the container sat empty

On a lower shelf…

So Sunday morning I took

Back my fridge

Which I seldom open

Since he took over the

Kitchen upon retirement…

The main reason I don’t

Straighten it daily is

Because when he sees it stuffed

At his eye view he thinks

We have enough…

When it’s cleaned out

With things organized

He thinks he needs more..:

And off shopping he goes

To fill up all the gaps he sees…

Why there were 4 bags

Of celery (I cut up two

along with the onions

Zucchini and spinach and

Bokchoy and put them in a

Gallon bag and froze for soup…

Now the freezer is another

Problem.. but I can only

Face one Alamo at a time…

24/7 retirement has proved

To be a daily adjustment

Thank Goodness he still

Travels…

As I need a reprieve

From my

Short-order-cook retired groom…

My upcoming cruise can’t

Sail soon enough as I watch

Him make pizza since his

Pizza dough and lb of

Mozzarella along with

Some remnants of peppers

And pepperoni have now

Appeared in the clean

And organized Fridge…:

Had a different flavor

In my gut but

As usual my

Heart sees the real and just

And refocuses my

Thoughts and

Fingers on my keyboard…

We’re on different timelines

Eating schedules

Vacation destination

And just about everything

From ice cream likes

To driving ways

Sleeping sides

Water and food temp

Friends, drinks

Ceiling fans

Flower colors

Talking on the phone,

Silence

And more…

Are we completely different

Yes…

Both Capricorns

Approximately the same age

Same religion and

Political beliefs,,,

Opposites attrack

I know is true

Because we’ve

Been together forever…

For me to awake

Then hitting me

With everything

He want me to do for him…

It overwhelming…

Needing an audience

To repeat everything

He reads or sees

My reading daily

Is a constant problem

For others

Who don’t share my love

For books

Yet having to listen

To their loves for sports

Cooking, fishing, golf etc

Seems to make me

Odd, and disrespectful

I’m their eyes…

I don’t read them passages

From the books I read

I try to disappear in

The pages…

In their misdst

While they yell out

At every pass, tackle

And field goal

As I remain lost

In the characters

And senery on the pages..,

To them a quiet passion

Seems to make me odd…

One needs to disregard

Me and become immersed

In their passion without

Having to pound

It into me…

When you finally get someone

On the phone to help

Why do you have to keep

Repeating what went on

While you were trying to

Work out the problem…

It’s his way…

Not mine…

Has it always been this way

Or is aging

Adding to the problem…

Have to walk away

He wants an ear

To rant at

Not a helping hand

I fear..:

A special treat

From me

Has now become

An expectation

And not what

Has been sweet

But has become a

Pain in the neck

As others have gotten

Involved…

Then when…

My thought today

As Turkey and pumpkin

Pies are bought along

With cookies…

Things I love but won’t

Be shared as one still

Means more…

Pray mine won’t experience

This constant torn feeling

Although I try to make

The feeling Less torn as I

Live these last years

Kinda on my own…

Vote today

Of my life today

Is the age of my youngest plus

Everyday I live…

Fall is the season

Of looking at the hopes and

Dreams of my children

As they grow their family

Their careers and fulfill

Seeing the fruit ripen…

Their hopes and dreams

From the love that my husband &

I share brings fulfillment

Thankfulness to my heart and soul…

Being still present in their

Lives and seeing our grandchildren

Grow and succeed under

Their tutelage makes me

Realize that the life and faith

We provided for our family

With the help and tutelage

Of our parents have reaped

Good, Christian adults as I prayed

To God to help us nurture and guide them…

Giving, adjusting our views to

Understand and guide theirs

Has provided a happy life…

Glitches along the way have humbled

All of us, pulled us closer and

Permitted them to find the right partners

To fulfill thier/God’s purpose

For their lives…

I’m thankful for Gods forever love

And guidance in our life

And give Him thanks

To fulfill our purpose in His kingdom

Whether it be our health, our

Body and mind our love

To mold us into His glorious image

as He see fits…

Blessed be God…

For over 50years now

Yet I feel his pain is so much

Greater than mine

As he witnesses her

Spiraling down the dementia

Hole…

Crying for those who have passed

And him so far away…

It would be sheer hell for him

If it weren’t for FaceTime…

My parents quick end

Was a Godsend I now realize…

I see her no different today

Then always, more intense

And living in her own mind…

My sadness is for my husband

Who bears this with such love

And patience…

I pray I pass quickly like

My parents, and grandparents

And never have my children

Cry watching my

Slow ending…

Only God knows why.,,

For over 50 years now

Yet I feel his pain is so much

Greater than mine

As he witnesses her

Spiraling down the dementia

Hole…

Crying for those who have passed

And him so far away…

It would be sheer hell for him

If it weren’t for FaceTime…

My parents’ quick end

Was a Godsend I now realize…

I see her no different today

Then always, more intense

And living in her own mind…

My sadness is for my husband

Who bears this with such love

And patience…

I pray I pass quickly like

My parents, and grandparents

And never have my children

Cry…watching me

Slowly end…

Only God knows why.,,

Go

Where to hide

When the life you planned

Has been Rerouted

To a trail that will end

On a cliff with nowhere

But death ahead

And a spiral of sadness

That our life is too

Short to recover from

I fear…

Through the Ash blight

The pandemic

And the little silver tag

Driven into its trunk

That identifies it as an

Ash…

It’s survived a crash

By a car which stunted

It a bit

And is smaller than

It’s brother growing

A little farther up the parkway…

My Ashes make me realize

That we must not give up

When a blight/pandemic

Takes hold and wipes a whole

Species from the earth…

My Ash is a species of Ash

That is surviving..,

Like those of us surviving

Thriving or just hanging on…

This morning

In an odd panic

Knowing not why…

But knew it was manic

Not wanting to rise

Not wanting to doze

Needing to hear

His voice

Was my only repose…

How can that be

She’ll ALWAYS be the baby

To me…

50 years ago angels came

And took my mother

To heaven and on her arrival

My mom pick an angel

And 9 months later

Sent her to me…

She repaired my broken heart

As my mother intended

And continues to be the happy

Smiley

Part of my children of three…

Don’t know why

But not getting better

Though I try…

Thoughts go darker

No light in site…

What to say

Where to go

To uncover this gloom

Holding me tight…

Is so well represented

By the changing of the colors

On the branches of trees…

The stems and twigs that carry

God’s nutrients and color

All the leaves

Give glorious joy

To the Creator who also

Gave the power of color

And art to the man

Know as Monet…

I love his paintings

Many of which

Are only copies

Of God’s

Masterpieces

Of the Seasons…

With each gust of wind

On this wonderful fall day…

Some trees hold their leaves

A little longer than others

Making me believe others

Will be raking before me…

I miss the smell of

Burning leaves of years

Gone bye and thankful

For the township scheduling

To pick up leaves from

Now until the first snowfall

Which I hope is much later

This year…

Scheduling seems to make

The seasons fly for one

Who never seems to follow

Time, rules or schedules.,

I’m on time for what suits me

Follow rules I install

And schedule very little…

I’v been called uncoachable

Never take constructive criticism

By those that try to form me..

I find I’m a free Spirit

That doesn’t follow the mAsses…

Mother said she was raising Chiefs…

Not Indians…

I just followed her instructions…

I feel she’s proud of me…

Is full of stress today

Upon waking I fear

The unfolding of the day…

What will it bring

What will we hear

bringing stress and worry

To me and the world

Population…

Why is Peace

Such a non attainable

Existence for a country

And world so full

Of Gods creation.,,

Why can’t mankind

Be happy to live in

Peace love and harmony

And care for each other’s needs

As theirs are overflowing…

Hoarding for tomorrow

While others starve today…

Each of us need

To search beyond our

Physical beings

To fulfill God’s greatest

Commandment..,

Love each other as thy self…

For you my friend

I was trying to distract

Your worry and distress

By giving you non stop

Talking about mine…

My prayers and love

Are always with you and

Pray our next meeting

Will find us joyful

And under less stress…

Our days now should be

Happy and carefree

And everyday the best day ever

Like our last cruise…

Thanks for tolerating my

Opinionated self

And my endless memory…

I’m hoping when my memory fails

You’ll be able to fill in my gaps

With all the stories I relate to you…

I fear I talk so much because I have

So many words pent up inside

And little time left to get them out…

I’ve been tearful since you left

Praying for better days ahead…

💕💕💕💕

Different places

We’ve lived such different lives

It hard to understand her

Thoughts in the twilight

Of our years…

Our experiences

And knowledge should

No longer gives us doubts

On what we believe and understand…

But seeing the wavering now

Worries me, yet it is not…

As we pass by again

My place to enter in…

Kids are watching closely

As they worry…decline

May beginning

Hoping mine can live

Longer before decline

Worries them…

Mysterious ways…

I pray we all understand

Some day…

The suffering I see in

Children is hard

To bear…

In adults it’s

More understandable

As we have lived

Our way…

But maybe not God’s way

So He must let us

Tender to Him

Before He let’s us in…

Like going to school

One can’t graduate

Till the time has come

With all lessons learned

And credits earned…

Doesn’t help

It makes two upset

Instead of just the one

Carrying the load…

The other tries to be supportive

But what can one say

As it mostly makes the other

Wonder the reason

For the unloading today…

The mind can only hold

So much before the

Self needs to dump or shield…

Shielding just prolongs the

Dump and the load will only

Increase until the unloading

Is catastrophic

Reminding me of

Many 18 wheelers

Taking a sharp turn

Dumping its load and either

Jackknifing or laying on its side…

The cleanup is immense

And the load unretrievable…

Or with the brain

Unrecoverable…

Heal with scars left behind

To toughen one

When amends aren’t

Forthcoming…

But scars cause love

To hide and bury

In fear that the

Situation will

Continue to scar…

The sky is grey

The day is warm

The football game is blaring

And hubby is yelling at the refs

Remembering why I worked retail…

Not a football fan…

Unless my boys were playing…

They aren’t so I’m cleaning …